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Original poster

Would you tell her?

74 replies

Islesands · 25/06/2021 08:51

I will will brief.. split up with someone but after a while he began to see someone. However we still kept in touch, I suppose we were still drawn to each other. He said he wanted to try and commit to this other woman ( as he told her he would) we kept in touch- yes yes I know ( did not sleep together) Anyway after a while, he told me there were too many grumpy times/ differences and they had finished. We spent the weekend together/ slept together on 13 June. I was not expecting to jump into a relationship with him again but was hopeful.
However 4 days later on the 17 June he saw the other woman again and said they are back together - they slept together. He was sorry but wants to give it another with her.
I am obviously upset- I want to tell her that he slept with me and 4 days later slept with me. ( He is obviously committed to her!)

I would want to know this information if it was me….
Should I tell her?

OP posts:
Original poster
Islesands · 25/06/2021 08:53

Sorry * meant to say that he slept with me and four days later he slept with her

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 25/06/2021 08:54

No, why would you tell her? Did you use a condom?

SGChome20 · 25/06/2021 08:56

No, they were split when he slept with you so did nothing wrong. It sounds like he’s been quite honest and upfront and you sound like you want to sabotage their relationship because you want him for you.

Sandra15 · 25/06/2021 08:56

Not really, he's been a bit of a player but at least he's been transparent. Not as if he has been cheating on you with her or vice versa. If what he says is the truth, of course! You've not said anything about your own relationship with this bloke, how long you were together, was it a good relationship, why did you split, etc?

I would just get rid and move on, ignore the pair of them and get on with your own life.

Doyouknowtheway · 25/06/2021 08:57

Are you sure you don't want to tell her in hopes she dumps him and he comes back to you. I wouldn't trust him, leave them to it. If you're out of the picture he might remain faithful to her.

Sandra15 · 25/06/2021 08:57

Having said that though, if I were the other woman, and I knew he had been testing out the waters, I would dump him.

MorningNinja · 25/06/2021 08:57

No I wouldn't. They weren't together when you slept with him. He's done nothing wrong!

If I was the woman and you got in touch I'd think you were extremely bitter and wouldn't give it much thought at all.

CaptainBarbossa · 25/06/2021 09:01

I wouldn't say anything. But I would be looking at my own life to see why I was putting up with being played as second fiddle as well though.

Aposterhasnoname · 25/06/2021 09:09

Normally I’d say yes, but it this case it sounds like you’re doing it out of spite, so no.

seensome · 25/06/2021 09:15

No don't say anything but the best thing to do is to cut him completely out your life.

66babe · 25/06/2021 09:19

Leave them to it and find someone who actually wants you for you

Original poster
Islesands · 25/06/2021 09:23

Thank you for the comments. I think he may have been lying and they had an argument and they were having time apart.
I feel used -
There is a back story to us but there was a connection.
He says he wants to try and commit to her- he says things are not perfect and it’s hard work - she is direct and things blow up easily- he could be lying but I don’t think he is.
I suppose it has shown he is not committed to her by sleeping with me which all I need to know.
Apparently she has made it plain to him that if he cheats then things between them be over.
I could play the waiting game and see if they last and try forget him and get on with my life…
If I tell for my own revenge then there would be no future for us anyway- she may dismiss it but I don’t think she will.
I feel poisonous- it’s horrible and I am trying to dispel it.
However I think I would want to know if it was me-..

OP posts:
Iwonder08 · 25/06/2021 09:25

No, you shouldn't tell her. What you need is to get some dignity and stay away from this useless bloke

ittakes2 · 25/06/2021 09:26

He seems to have been very honest with you - I would assume he is being honest with her and stay out of it. And stay away from him.

Sandra15 · 25/06/2021 09:30

Either way he doesn't sound like a good bet. I would definitely give him a massive swerve.

SparklingStars10 · 25/06/2021 09:34

Personally, I’d avoid him like the plague.

LittleBirdBlu · 25/06/2021 09:38

Why are you even contemplating waiting for this guy?? He is not into you, if he was he would be with you. Find your self respect and walk away. You deserve to be with a man who won't keep you dangling on the hook. Block him and move on.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 25/06/2021 09:42

No, they were on a break.

BigfatJ · 25/06/2021 09:44

He’s still not going to want you OP

Dillydollydingdong · 25/06/2021 09:46

At best he's just confused. At worst he's having fun at your expense. Either way, he's not committed to anyone, and certainly not to you. Just go NC and find a good man. I'm sure there are some out there.

SprayedWithDettol · 25/06/2021 09:46

Has he got a golden cock or something? You are well rid OP. Let sleeping dogs lie (😉)

dogwalker88 · 25/06/2021 09:52

Is he married to other women?
Feel more to this story??

todaysdilemma · 25/06/2021 09:57

No, you shouldn't tell her as they were on a break, and it makes no difference to their relationship. He just used you to feel better because he was clearly upset about his split with her, and wanted the attention- the fact he's gone back so quickly to her shows that she's the one he wants. He is committed to her as if he wasn't, he would have used their break to move on, not go straight back to her.

You need to accept that he doesn't want you. If he doesn't want you after they split and he had sex with you, he never will. Remove yourself from his life and their relationship. You're not telling her this to be helpful, because what someone does on a break up is not indicative of their commitment to the relationship. Go out there and find someone of your own and stop accepting scraps of a man who only wants you when he's mourning someone else or at a loose end.

simplelife100 · 25/06/2021 10:10

You sound like you can't wait for them to spilt up and that your waiting around for that to happen, why would you allow yourself to be used like this he knows if she leaves him he has you to call back on, yes you have a connection but you need to move on with hour life I wouldn't be having contact with him, and if he was my BF I wouldn't like him having contact with an ex when there no children or assets to be sorted out seems odd to me

HotWeather · 25/06/2021 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn, posted on wrong thread.