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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you tell her?

74 replies

Islesands · 25/06/2021 08:51

I will will brief.. split up with someone but after a while he began to see someone. However we still kept in touch, I suppose we were still drawn to each other. He said he wanted to try and commit to this other woman ( as he told her he would) we kept in touch- yes yes I know ( did not sleep together) Anyway after a while, he told me there were too many grumpy times/ differences and they had finished. We spent the weekend together/ slept together on 13 June. I was not expecting to jump into a relationship with him again but was hopeful.
However 4 days later on the 17 June he saw the other woman again and said they are back together - they slept together. He was sorry but wants to give it another with her.
I am obviously upset- I want to tell her that he slept with me and 4 days later slept with me. ( He is obviously committed to her!)

I would want to know this information if it was me….
Should I tell her?

OP posts:

AnotherKrampus · 26/06/2021 02:06

No, I would not tell her but then I probably would not get back with someone under those circumstances. Too messy and would feel like sloppy seconds. Plus, your motives here aren't honourable are they!

chickenyhead · 26/06/2021 05:19

You need to set the bar a bit higher.

category12 · 26/06/2021 06:25

I think I'd want to know if I was her. At least she'd be making decisions knowing the facts. It's her future we're talking about, it could be she marries the guy, has kids with him, and he continues doing stuff like this.

The chances are high she'll continue anyway if told, but at least she'd be doing it with eyes open.

I don't think it matters if telling is from spite or jealousy, people don't have to have perfect motivations for it still to be the right thing. But if you do tell op, don't be cruel or nasty to her in the process, it's not her fault.

hawkehurstgang · 26/06/2021 09:03

I would

LookingThroughYourEyes · 26/06/2021 09:09

He slept with you and then got back with his girlfriend, whether people think his is an acceptable thing for him to do or not is actually irrelevant. Although we are living in the 21st century and surely we don't condemn someone for sleeping with 2 people within a short space of time. Unless I've missed an update, he told you that they were broken up and perhaps he realised shortly after that this was a mistake?

The point is he wants to give things a go with his girlfriend. Leave them alone. The outcome of their relationship shouldn't hang on your revelations. This girl has done nothing wrong. You would be telling her because you are a woman scorned. You are playing the pick me dance when he has explicitly told you that he wants to be with his girlfriend.

In the kindest way possible, move on.

IWantT0BreakFree · 26/06/2021 09:16

He’s a player. He’s one of those whose always got to have someone waiting on the sidelines as an ego boost/time killer between breakups. He may not be committed to her, but he sure as hell isn’t committed to you either.

I think if you allow it, he will always treat you like a toy to pick up and drop when it suits. Don’t be a doormat.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 26/06/2021 09:20

No. You will just come across as the crazy ex wanting to cause issues. Don't lower yourself to that standard and move on.

Lovelydiscusfish · 26/06/2021 09:30

I don’t think he’s done anything wrong, IF he is telling the truth. If he was single he was allowed to sleep with you. If I split up with my partner, I wouldn’t be surprised if he slept with someone else quite quickly, and I would probably do the same.

He may even have told her himself!

Of course, it’s also very possible he was lying and wasn’t split up with her at all but maybe they had just had a row or something. But as you can’t know that for sure, I would just keep out of it.

Can you block, delete and move on? It will be hard to get over it if you keep in contact with him.

dryasaboner · 26/06/2021 09:39

In the nicest possible way you sound obsessed
He's using you as a backup and you are letting him. If he comes back to you it's only because his first choice won't have him. How does that make you feel?

bellsbuss · 26/06/2021 09:45

There's nothing to tell as they had split up when he slept with you.

NautaOcts · 26/06/2021 09:49

Sounds like they were on a break…

Polomintee · 26/06/2021 09:49

Don't tell her. Let her have her relationship, if you tell her it will likely upset and worry her unnecessarily, they weren't together when you slept with him.

Original poster

Islesands · 26/06/2021 15:42

Well I didn't tell her yesterday and I have not told her today so far..... I am kinda leaving it for now.. biding my time but I know

How do i stop feeling poisonous and used?

OP posts:

66babe · 26/06/2021 15:51

Just let it go .... go do a face mask hair mask shave your legs do your nails
Dry straighten whatever you do with your hair
Pamper yourself ... forget him and move on

Journeynotdestination · 26/06/2021 16:12

Realise your worth & block this arsehole. You knew what he was when you slept with him again. He’s a player & you should be very glad you are not with him. Don’t tell her, why demean yourself like that?

AnotherKrampus · 27/06/2021 02:14

@Islesands

Well I didn't tell her yesterday and I have not told her today so far..... I am kinda leaving it for now.. biding my time but I know

How do i stop feeling poisonous and used?

By not acting like a poisonous shitty person. That other woman is none of your business.

dryasaboner · 27/06/2021 17:55

@Islesands

Well I didn't tell her yesterday and I have not told her today so far..... I am kinda leaving it for now.. biding my time but I know

How do i stop feeling poisonous and used?

Use it as a lesson Make sure your boundaries are cast iron next time

5128gap · 27/06/2021 20:56

No. He will deny it and say you're trying to cause trouble because he saw you as a friend while they were apart, and you got the wrong idea and are in love with him and jealous. She will probably believe him.

ChargingBuck · 27/06/2021 21:25

It sounds like he’s been quite honest and upfront

Is he though?

OP only has his word for it that he was "on a break".

Sounds more like he's puppeteering OP & his on/off g/f, hoping they'll start performing the Pick Me Dance.

ChargingBuck · 27/06/2021 21:27

I could play the waiting game and see if they last

Come on OP - what would be the benefit to you in doing that?

Your best bet is to take 100% control, by blocking your gameplaying ex, & forgetting all about his g/f.
She's nothing to do with you, & he shouldn't be in your life any more.

ChargingBuck · 27/06/2021 21:31

Play the waiting game... sounds like their relationship is rocky anyway... however he may not want to be with you either if they finish, so bear that in mind but you will have your dignity

How on earth does 'playing the waiting game' confer any dignity whatsoever on the OP?

She will find her dignity when she smartly removes herself from this gameplaying man's orbit. Why would anyone advise her to hang about, effectively begging for scraps?

BearFacedCheekGrylls · 28/06/2021 00:45

I’m sorry but he played you. They were probably not apart, he just said that as it was your line in the sand and he wanted to sleep with you. Move on x

Divebar2021 · 28/06/2021 01:01

He slept with you and then chose another woman and you want to contact the other woman to tell her that he chose her? And you think that she’ll dump him rather than feeling either 1) great pity for you 2) great satisfaction that he chose her and that she’s the “winner”. I bet you anything she won’t dump him - particularly if they had split up. And if they hadn’t he’s just going to say you’re the crazy ex.

Midlifemusings · 28/06/2021 01:08

You weren't used. You chose to sleep with him knowing he had been in a relationship with another woman until just days before. You say you have no future and so you don't want her to have him either. You are vindictive and spiteful. This guy doesn't want to be with you. Move on, don't stay around trying to ruin his relationships. You have a "if I can't have him then no one can have him mentality".

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