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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you tell her?

74 replies

Islesands · 25/06/2021 08:51

I will will brief.. split up with someone but after a while he began to see someone. However we still kept in touch, I suppose we were still drawn to each other. He said he wanted to try and commit to this other woman ( as he told her he would) we kept in touch- yes yes I know ( did not sleep together) Anyway after a while, he told me there were too many grumpy times/ differences and they had finished. We spent the weekend together/ slept together on 13 June. I was not expecting to jump into a relationship with him again but was hopeful.
However 4 days later on the 17 June he saw the other woman again and said they are back together - they slept together. He was sorry but wants to give it another with her.
I am obviously upset- I want to tell her that he slept with me and 4 days later slept with me. ( He is obviously committed to her!)

I would want to know this information if it was me….
Should I tell her?

OP posts:

dogwalker88 · 25/06/2021 10:18

You would only tell her if you weren't interested in him to help her but you definitely want to be with him so that is different.
If he contacts you again and seeing her then he is a player and why would either of you want that.

dogwalker88 · 25/06/2021 10:18

Leave them be

CordeliaGrey · 25/06/2021 11:03

So to recap your ex boyfriend is with someone else but you were still in touch….had feelings etc

-They were on a break / had an argument - then you and him slept together-
-Four days later he slept with other woman and is now back with her
-Should you tell other woman that you slept with him?

I can see why you would want to-

@todaysdilemma -I don’t agree that it shows he is committed to the other woman - he was very quick to sleep with someone else… if he was committed despite having an argument, he would have waited.. not jumped into bed with someone else….

Yes I would want to know if my bloke slept with someone and then four days later slept with me....even if we were on a break...…

Redfox · 25/06/2021 11:12

Yeah i would tell her...

He slept with you and then 4 days he slept with her.... jeeze!

I would tell her.... I would definitely want to know.. committed my elbow!

TheMaidofOrleans · 25/06/2021 11:30

Yeah crap conduct from him... no he is not committed to her ... he would have not slept with you otherwise....

Play the waiting game... sounds like their relationship is rocky anyway... however he may not want to be with you either if they finish, so bear that in mind but you will have your dignity... Mmm what sort of person are you if you tell her?

Sit on your hands love...

bookworm20 · 25/06/2021 11:34

I am in the you should tell her camp.

Whatever the reason they were taking time apart (if in fact they actually were) he then slept with you and days later back with her. If I was that woman, I'd definitely want to know.

Achillislandsands · 25/06/2021 11:45

Yes think I would want to know too...... 4 days between shags..... Icky!

Selfish appalling behaviour from him
Do you still want to be with him?

Nicolastuffedone · 25/06/2021 12:38

Don’t try to wrap this up as you would be doing her a kindness, this is revenge, pure and simple. He doesn’t want you and you’re trying to make sure he gets his comeuppance for that. Stay out.

Palavah · 25/06/2021 12:42

There's no future for you and him either way. Why are you so invested in someone who's rejected you for someone else, twice?

scoobydoo1971 · 25/06/2021 12:45

For him, you are plan B waiting in the wings when the main performance isn't going according to what he wants. You need to take control of dignity and not all into the 'pick me' dance everytime he has a falling out with his girlfriend. Stop speaking to him, don't meet him, don't let him get you into bed, pick someone who wants to commit to you or stay single until that happens. Don't tell his girlfriend as it just makes you like the bitter ex who wants to stir trouble.

Youareonmute · 25/06/2021 12:55

I would inform her.. may save her heartache in the long run..

Don' t think there is future with you two even if he did break up with current woman so think I would tell her... but thats me....

Why do men behave like this? Because we let them.. thats why I would tell her ... that he slept with me and 4 days later slept with her...

It is revenge/hurt and sometimes there is nothing wrong with that ...or just dance it off furiously...

sadperson16 · 25/06/2021 12:58

How horrible

Youareonmute · 25/06/2021 12:59

Yes as a woman I would want to know that my boyfriend slept with someone else very quickly if we broke up...(and if it is if even).... hell yes.. why are people saying they would not want to know.. I don't get it...

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 25/06/2021 13:03

Yes think I would want to know too...... 4 days between shags..... Icky!

Presuming he’s had a wash in those 4 days why is it icky!?

OP he wasn’t “with” either of you at that point. He was a free agent and slept with two consenting and willing participants who clearly both like him. What’s wrong with that. The fact that he then got back together with her is neither here nor there. If their relationship is such that they need to take a break here and there, maybe she is also casually shagging other people in between.

FWIW my DP and I were on a break (presuming permanent at the time) and both arranged dates with other people - his with someone from work. When we decided to try again, one of his non negotiables was that I hadn’t slept with anyone else while we were apart. (I hadn’t). For me the only non negotiable was that he hadn’t slept with this woman while we had still been together!! Whatever happened while we were technically split up is nothing to do with me, as he chose to come back to me and try again. Leave it be.

Redfox · 25/06/2021 15:56

@MarkRuffaloCrumble on come on it pretty low and unscrupulous....
I would be hurt if it was me.

Frocksandhat · 25/06/2021 16:03

Mm think we may have all been in similar positions.
He slept with you but went back to her: try and let it go.
He sounds confused and just taking what you are offering...

Don't tell and be the better person

Kanaloa · 25/06/2021 16:11

Sounds like you want to tell her to split them up because you want him. No idea why you would want him to be honest, he sounds like the worst.

On the other hand, I probably would want to know if I was her so I could dump him. But then you know he’s a loser and you still want him so it probably wouldn’t make any difference. He would just tell her you were jealous/made it up/a psycho ex and she would believe him much like you believe she was ‘grumpy’ and they ‘had differences’ rather than he will take it wherever he gets it.

Kanaloa · 25/06/2021 16:13

And please don’t wait around for him in case they break up. Why would you want to be his first reserve when you could find someone who will make you his first choice?

SmokeyDevil · 25/06/2021 16:37

Sorry but got to laugh at how many people believe him that they were on a break.

We don't know the guy, but he hardly sounds like he's a truthful or honest guy
He slept with his ex as soon as he 'broke up' with his girlfriend from a 'committed' relationship
He texted another woman, his ex, for most of his 'committed' relationship

I'd tell her and I certainly would never go near him again. He's so low on the standards level he doesn't even qualify as suitable for boyfriend material.

Original poster

Islesands · 25/06/2021 17:11

Thank you@SmokeyDevil you have summed it nicely...

Yes I was the ex he was texting... and I did not sleep with him till I thought they had broken up. I don't think they had broken up but had an argument and was in the wings... gullible i know

Not sure why I want him... he has many qualities.. really. I am verging in telling her ( we have no future anyway even if they do break up) but I have not told her today so far or yesterday.....
I maintain I would still want to know if it was me- boyfriend sleeping with me four days after someone else...

OP posts:

SmokeyDevil · 25/06/2021 17:20

@Islesands

Thank you@SmokeyDevil you have summed it nicely...

Yes I was the ex he was texting... and I did not sleep with him till I thought they had broken up. I don't think they had broken up but had an argument and was in the wings... gullible i know

You believed his bullshit. You won't be the first and certainly not the last. But you can make sure you don't make that mistake again.

I agree with you, I'd want to know if that was my boyfriend. Chances are she may not believe you though, but least she knows. Then just remember that while he may have some nice qualities (these will reduce drastically after you've fallen out of love with him), he has many bad ones, including that he's lied to you.

MondayMorningYetAgain · 25/06/2021 17:21

I wouldn't tell her.

It's not fair. Bottom line is, you don't know the truth. You want him and you feel used and want to take some revenge. But it was your choice to have sex with him knowing he was split up/on a break/potentially cheating.

It was only once and, whether it was the truth or not, he gave you a plausible story and has told you he wants to give it another go with her. Leave them to it and move on.

Skyla2005 · 25/06/2021 17:23

Why on earth would you want him back. He will never be faithful. Value yourself more. Block delete and move on. No don't tell her

Palavah · 25/06/2021 20:01

@Islesands

Thank you@SmokeyDevil you have summed it nicely...

Yes I was the ex he was texting... and I did not sleep with him till I thought they had broken up. I don't think they had broken up but had an argument and was in the wings... gullible i know

Don't kid yourself you'd be telling her for her benefit. Move on, do better.

dyson20 · 25/06/2021 20:12

Similar thing happened to me except I was the new one & she was the ex. He basically used me twice in between short break ups. I understand your anger & your want for revenge but its really not worth it. I just blocked him from everything & try to pretend it didn't happen 🥲

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