Annoying or controlling?

[Buckingham3]

I was hoping if I give one example people would give their opinions on if this is just really annoying or a bit controlling.

Sat in the living room with the lights on. DP walks in and turns them off as it's 'daytime'. DS8 gets up and turns them back on. DP asks why he's done that and then goes and turns them off again. Repeat a couple more times.

Now my DS8 isn't DP's, and DP doesn't even live with me.

This sort of thing happens quite often. Do I just have an annoying DP?!

This all sounds familiar OP, the lights being turned off (which escalates to shouting at everyone for leaving a light on, but same rule doesn’t apply to his electricity usage), controlling how money is spent on appliances he doesn’t use and technology only he likes. If he doesn’t already, I bet he even tries to tell you where things should go in the kitchen cupboards and what sort of clothes or hairstyle ‘suits you best’. They start this awful abuse when they think they have you hooked. It’s coercive control usually done in a passive aggressive way. You’ve said it’s been 3 years, do yourself and son a massive favour and don’t make it 4 years. Your poor son, he’s had to deal with that jerk since he was 5 years old, probably being made to feel like he has no agency in his own house. Do the right thing and tell that guy to get lost.

And the TV watching, getting annoyed if I got up even during an ad break to get a drink or go to the toilet or deal with a washing machine, instead of sitting there like some sort of prop. Please get rid of the mongrel.

Reminds me of the last birthday I spent with the ex, he arranged a babysitter (a huge rarity!) and took me to the cinema.

He wouldn't let me choose the film, though....

@EShellstrop That sounds similar with the cinema... He'll only go to films that he wants to see. I never thought it was a problem before but when I think back, I've gone to see films that only he likes so that he doesn't miss it!

@EShellstrop I had one of those. He would always say what takeaway do
You fancy. Then go with his own choice. I pointed out if he said do you fancy curry tonight I would agree. Offering me the choice and not having one is Hobsons choice. He didn't see a problem with it. 🤣

This behaviour was so normal, I didn't say a word! These days it's a different story entirely and he can't push me around at all. He's occasionally sends me orders via email, but those are easily ignored.. I imagine he remains shocked and appalled at my imperviousness.

@unicornsarereal72 Yep same with the takeaways here too!

It's the subtle things. You just think. Oh ok. But add it up and you get a much bigger picture.

Glad you are noticing it, OP. You and your son deserve better.

Yes, choosing the takeaway and the movie or TV shows constantly. Walking into the room and changing the channel despite me actually watching a show, then when I complained saying he didn’t realise I was watching tv, which progressed to huffy behaviour before he left the room again. Basically OP they want their way with everything, are extremely selfish, and you will just be his appliance while your son will be constantly undermined. Please get rid of him now before it gets ugly.

You've got yourself a controlling arse there OP. It only ever gets worse. Been there, seen it done it. Over 20 years wasted for me, don't be me!!

Put your son first and either keep him out of your home or get rid.

He's horrendous and you've got the ick. It's over.

Sounds like a pain in the arse. One of the many reasons why I left my ex!

I tried putting my foot down the other week to be told 'It's always your way or no way isn't it!'. I was sat there thinking, hang on, it's NEVER my way!

So... is he really the person you want to spend forever with / a male role model you want in your son's life? Because he doesn't sound like he should be.

My DH had a habit of turning the light or the radio off when he left a room , even if I was there reading or listening! He claimed it was accidental but oddly it only happened if we'd disagreed or I had challenged him about something.

Hello - am I invisible or just a non-person?!

He doesn't do it any more, and no, he isn't under that new patio.

@Buckingham3

I tried putting my foot down the other week to be told 'It's always your way or no way isn't it!'. I was sat there thinking, hang on, it's NEVER my way!

I’d end this. Life is short. We should have happy days filled with happy people who respect and care for us. Him bickering at you like this in YOUR house shows him up to be the immature and controlling man that he is. Don’t let that man be a role model to your son.

@Buckingham3

I tried putting my foot down the other week to be told 'It's always your way or no way isn't it!'. I was sat there thinking, hang on, it's NEVER my way!

Sounds as though he has stepped it up a little bit too quickly. The frog has noticed the change in water temperature.

You can see it now. You'll probably remember lots more and see more now. Which should make it easier to kick him into touch.

Make this a happy day 😊

I order what like, he has tried to say oh you like this music or whatever I reply no I don’t.

He sounds like a prick that you have inflicted on your son for 3 years.

And your son knows it.

Give yourself a shake.

Your standards sound very low and the looser is your child having that rude, selfish, controlling twat in his life.

All those examples plus the cinema and takeaways means he really is a twat.

Mind you the light would be enough for most people to bin him. Your poor son. You allowed that to go on 6 times. Awful.🤷🏻‍♀️

DS8 gets up and turns them back on. DP asks why he's done that and then goes and turns them off again. Repeat a couple more times

Just re-read this... this bloke had a ‘light switch’ face-off with an 8 year old boy, whose house he was visiting. Unbelievable. And how did it end? Did he ‘win’?

@Blackbird2020 Nope! I told him that DS clearly wants the lights on so they need to stay on.

Good for you. Who knows why he’s like this (and to be honest, nobody’s particularly interested), but the main thing is not to let his problem become yours and your DS’ problem

[quote Buckingham3]@Blackbird2020 Nope! I told him that DS clearly wants the lights on so they need to stay on. [/quote]
So not only did he ignore your son's wishes, he ignored yours? To your face? Repeatedly?

Just like he ignored what bloody hoover you wanted for your own home.

Seriously, surely you can't wait to be with someone who is so annoying and also controlling? He's both. But even if he was 'just' annoying, shouldn't your bar for a partner be higher for your sake and your sons?

Nope! I told him that DS clearly wants the lights on so they need to stay on.

Well done for saying something and speaking up for your LO @Buckingham3 x