DH making me cry. Am I just being hormonal?

[popperyes]

I'm pregnant again after losing our DD to neonatal death in January.

Had some light bleeding early on so early pregnancy saw me. HcG more than doubled in 48 hours. Scan the following week confirmed what I thought originally - It's twins.

I usually start feeling God awful tired and sick around 6.5/7 weeks. This time I've been horrendously tired and emotional since week 5. Not quite 6 weeks yet and the nausea has begun.

DH insists I don't tell anyone about this pregnancy until 12 weeks, so I'm going around feeling like death but can't say anything and have to pretend. I'm so tired I can hardly see straight. My body aches. I feel run down

H is insisting I improve my diet and eat more nutritious foods, ensure I'm drinking more than enough water, etc etc. He thinks it'll give me a better chance of this pregnancy being successful (lots of loss before DD too). But it's hard. I just feel like crap

Said to H this evening I'm going to Asda for some lollies, I feel really sick. He said you're 5 minutes pregnant aren't you being a bit silly? I said early pregnancy is the most awful.. it's really hard. For some reason even harder earlier on this time. He sighed and said alright then. I ended up getting emotional, saying I feel unsupported by him. Said I was disappointed. He said 'oh no, don't be disappointed' in a sarcastic voice.

Came back and he asked what lollies I got. Then said he wanted one. Brought him one and he said this isn't enough, I need at least 2 to start with!

I said please don't eat them all, I'm very sick and they help the nausea. He made a 'shrug' face of maybe I will, maybe I won't. I then lost it and started crying, saying how could he do this, you're going to sit there eating them all aren't you?! He said I didn't say that.

I said I feel so unwell and he's being shit. I couldn't help myself and burst into tears. Went upstairs. Not a peep from him.

If someone I loved was crying like that, hormonal or not, i would check they're okay. But it's like it's just not a concern

We have an autistic son that gets up at the crack of dawn, but usually we take turns getting up. Except on his day to get up, he usually takes forever to accept he needs to get up! And what's more, if it's an awful start, I have him all day most of the time, unless he's at nursery. He's very high needs. He just doesn't seem to get the extent of how hard it is right now because of this pregnancy

I feel like I don't want to be pregnant. I feel unsupported and dismissed as a drama Queen. All I do is worry the pregnancy is safe whilst simultaneously feeling like I'm dying from being so unwell due to the hormones. It's very hard.

Doesn't sound like someone you want to be pregnant with! How horrible. Early pregnancy is so hard.

He likes to wind people up. His family, don't think he does it to friends.

so he enjoys winding up his 'early stages' pregnant wife who has already suffered the loss of a child.,,

he's a manipulative Bully 🌸

Thank you

I'm finding it all very hard. I don't know what to do. I think he's a rude arse

Yesterday he kept farting in front of the fan downstairs and it was stinking up the UPSTAIRS

I said have you been farting, please tell the truth. He said yeah, and? I said please open a window and the back door. It's really really bad. I was dozing with DS and it woke me up!

He said I was being ridiculous. I said you just don't care do you? I'm telling you it's awful and you don't have an ounce of apology in you. He said I've got nothing to apologies for.

But he did then open the back door. Argh, was just awful

He sounds dreadful, I'm sorry, you've dealt with enough.

Oh my goodness. Why are you with him? Clearly he has changed for the worse since you met?

Your male role model for your DC could not be worse op. His sons will view him as the hero and they will learn this is the way to treat females.

Is that what you want? By the way, as autism is often genetic, where do you think it comes from?

He is thoughtless, selfish and rude and this is your life. You don't have to put up with it op and no, it's not because you are hormonal.

You would have to be a robot not to be badly affected by his utterly selfishness and inconsideration.

I would not be living with him any more because he is toxic and I would be scared my DC will copy his behaviour and treat me in the same way with contempt and enjoy being cruel.

He is being cruel yet thinks it's funny.

Don't let him get away with it. It will ruin your mental health being goaded like that in a daily basis.

You need to protect yourself from him and his toxic influence. Don't let it carry on. Make a stand or you will regret it and become a shadow of your former self.

Protect your unborn DC and your son from his damaging influence op.

I'm actually stunned at how awful he is being. I had the most horrendous hg in my first trimester earlier this year. Being sick and dry heaving up to 40 times a day , it started at 4 weeks and if my dp had acted like yours I'd have puked in his shoes and then left. Instead my dp ate certain his dinner outside if he knew it would make me feel sick. Sat up half the night rubbing my back while i drooled into a bucket. Your dp needs to pull his socks up here big time. He is being an absolute dickhead

Gosh you’ve been and are going through a lot op You do what your gut tells you is right. Whatever that is. Sit your husband down and tell him you need support here. Insist on it. You know him and the best way to drive your point home.
I agree with @Newstaronhorizon regarding genetic autism. It was the first thing I thought when I read your opening post.

Know how awful those first weeks are l have so much sympathy for you. Even if you never had a loss it is tough going. But after suffering such losses it's doubly hard. Your dh is totally cruel. I was so sick l could barely move from bed to couch. My dh got me anything that l thought would help at any hour of day and night . I couldn't mind my first when pregnant with second as too sick. Also l always planned to wait 12 weeks to tell but had to spill the beans at 6 as needed the support from my family. Could your dm come to stay or go there. You cannot be alone and so neglected. Decide today to tell your own family if they are the kind to row in with support.
In case it's not clear your dh is horrible.

From what you've told us here he doesn't sound like a nice person. The liking to wind people up stands out especially.

Agree with PP, you need other support as he's not going to help you.

'He likes winding people up' - oh ffs - run!
Narcissists (narcissistic personality disorder) and other cluster b's do this shit. Normal people are not cruel like this.

And if you dont want the babies then dont have them! Especially with someone like him. Many abusers get worse like this when you are pregnant/have had babies as they think they have you trapped.

He is a bully.
He will always be one.

Tell someone who is supportive. And please get away from this beast.

OP,
You poor woman.

No man who really cared about you would behave like that.

He sounds like a nasty pig.

Think good and hard about continuing a pregnancy when the father is like that pig.

You need protecting from him.
You are vulnerable and are going to be beyond vulnerable if you have more children with him.

I don't wish to offend you, but I think he sounds really awful.

Is this the future you want for you and your son?

Please reach out for some kind support.

How dare he. It's not exactly uncommon for first trimester to make you tired and sick. How dare he minimise it and say you're 'being silly'. Only a complete monster eats food that a pregnant person has gone out and bought to specifically help them with their symptoms

Also he doesnt get to tell you what you disclose to other people about your own body and your own health

@popperyes

Honestly, you need support right now.

What you don't need is him being a selfish, entitled prick !

Can you take your DC and stay at your parents for a while ? Or at a friends house ?

It's the bits 'between the lines' of what you wrote that are concerning me tbh...........

DH insists I don't tell anyone about this pregnancy until 12 weeks, so I'm going around feeling like death but can't say anything and have to pretend. I'm so tired I can hardly see straight. My body aches. I feel run down

So you feel like shit EVERY single day, and he's denying you the support of your friends and family, because he doesn't want them to know ??

H is insisting I improve my diet and eat more nutritious foods, ensure I'm drinking more than enough water, etc etc

But he's happy for you to be on your bloody knees with extreme fatigue and nausea, 24/7, and does fuck all to help ? Like go to the shop for lollies for you ? Or get up every morning with your DC to allow you a little extra rest time ??

I said please don't eat them all, I'm very sick and they help the nausea. He made a 'shrug' face of maybe I will, maybe I won't

He's happy to get you upset on PURPOSE, just for 'shits and giggles' To say nothing about the selfishness and callousness of eating the lollies you had to go and buy, for your sickness, just because he can ??

I said I feel so unwell and he's being shit. I couldn't help myself and burst into tears. Went upstairs. Not a peep from him

He deliberately upsets you, and doesn't give a SHIT !!

You don't need to be told that you deserve better. You know you do !

He won't get better, he'll only get worse. You've seen how little he cares...............You've seen how he loves to make you cry....................You know what you need to do.

I'm really sorry, OP, but you can't stay with him. Well you could, but you'd be desperately unhappy, depressed and eventually driven mad.

What are your options at the moment? Do you have family you can confide in?

Any man who wouldn't run out to get his pregnant and bereaved wife an ice lolly isn't worth bothering with. And any man who then eats those lollies, knowing that his wife can only eat them, is an absolute pig.

He needs to give his head a wobble. There is nothing you can do to prevent pregnancy loss - assuming you’re not subsisting on a diet of espresso martinis and cigarettes. I was a wreck in the first trimester and went several weeks without eating a vegetable (unless you count pickled onions). I also retched at stinky farts, cried when we’d run out of my “safe” food and told my closest friends when I needed support. His expectations are completely unrealistic and he sounds pretty mean tbh. Sorry you’re going through this.

Is he always like this or just when youre pregnant and ill?

He sounds horrendous and like a bully

It's very convenient that he's telling you not to reach out to other people. If you're friends knew how he was behaving they'd be telling you he's a bastard.

He's not acting out like a child. He's intentionally being nasty.

Please tell someone about the pregnancy. You need support.

Pregnancy is hard. Tell him you need someone to talk to and that's been magnified due to the way he's behaving. He's being horrid and you need his support this time more than ever. His reaction to anything not being a breeze is causing you unnecessary upset. A lot of partners would have gone to the shops for you. Tell him he needs to do more now you're pregnant. Hope you guys sort it out and congratulations on your pregnancy.

Sorry you have had to put up with this, OP.

My DP acted so strange and unsupportive during my last pregnancy (although not nasty and abusive like this) I ended up with pre-natal depression, so do take care. I was lucky as my community midwife took it very seriously and referred me to sessions with a specialist mental health midwife almost straight away. So maybe it's worth contacting your midwife if no one else?

Reading your posts have enraged me, OP! No man has the right to assume they know how a pregnant woman should be feeling or to treat anyone the way he treats you, much less anyone he is supposed to love, honor and cherish. My cousin experienced very similar tragedy of full term death of her baby and cannot imagine her being treated like that. You've got a very dismal future with him if he continues to act like such a devolving baboon-I'd tell him once, and once only, that he better step up and act like he wants to stay together and if that doesn't work? You've gotta decide if you can tolerate this treatment cause I know I wouldn't

He sounds like a sociopath