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Original poster

I’ve ghosted him, am I right to do so?

77 replies

Bananasforhammocks · 23/06/2021 15:34

Have been seeing a guy at work for six months. He’s separated and has been for a while, his wife had an affair with an ex.
He was saying all the right things, I’ve fancied him for ages and really really fancy him. We get along amazingly and I was so happy with him.
I asked him to do something nice at the weekend, he told me he had his kids and will have his kids most weekends now. Fine, not a problem.
My friend seen him with his wife at a restaurant on Saturday night. He lied to me. For the first few days I didn’t let on that I knew, wanted to see if he would tell me. He brazingly carried on as normal, chatting with me at work and looking at me all lustfully.

I started to avoid him at work, just so I wouldn’t have to see his face. He’s picked up on these hints and hasn’t asked me what’s wrong. I was stood right next to him today and I completely ignored him. I’ve blocked his number and social media. I assume he knows why.
I just feel terrible because if I was a guy that done that to a woman it would be emotionally abusive. Should I tell him why or just carry on moving forward?

OP posts:
30degreesandmeltinghere · 23/06/2021 15:38

Tell him. Let him sweat you may tell his dw you have been an item. He is likely still shagging her also.

66babe · 23/06/2021 15:39

I'd let him know he's a lying cheat
Ask him how his wife would feel knowing what's been going on since they were allegedly "separated"
Then move on

Aquamarine1029 · 23/06/2021 15:39

I wouldn't waste my time speaking to him. Move on.

Peach01 · 23/06/2021 15:44

Yes. You don't owe him anything. He's been lying to you and his wife.

Original poster
Bananasforhammocks · 23/06/2021 15:47

He’s definitely separated but he’s obviously not over her and trying to reconcile behind my back. I’m the back up option.
Really, really liked him, fell for him. I think I’ve caught him out on a few lies but can’t be sure.
Part of the reason for ghosting is that I feel humiliated, lead on and heart broken.

OP posts:
MarshmallowsOnToast · 23/06/2021 15:48

He’s picked up on these hints and hasn’t asked me what’s wrong. I was stood right next to him today and I completely ignored him. I’ve blocked his number and social media. I assume he knows why.

If he hasn't asked what's wrong he's obviously not bothered.

I wouldn't waste my breath telling him why when he's clearly not interested.

At least wait for him to bring it up then decide if you want to give him what for or just rise above it.

Lougle · 23/06/2021 15:49

I don't like ghosting, tbh. I think it's more mature to simply say you're out, with as much or as little detail as you feel appropriate.

Peach01 · 23/06/2021 15:51

His behaviour has caused that reaction.

When he said he'll have the kids most weekends, do you think that's a way of getting you to back off anyway? I wouldn't feel terrible for it. He's leading you and his wife up the garden path by the sounds of things. He could ask you if he wanted to, he'll clearly know somethings wrong.

Original poster
Bananasforhammocks · 23/06/2021 15:56

Yes @Peach01 I think he was getting me to back off without telling me the truth.
I feel like he’s lead me on and left me stranded.
I do feel like a cow for ghosting and it’s not something I normally do….I mite decide to tell him face to face what I know but I don’t want him to think I care that much either tbh.

I could send a message over messenger but I just feel desperate.

OP posts:
NewlyGranny · 23/06/2021 16:01

Just tell him, if he asks, that you've gone off the whole idea. If you say anything else, you're in for loads of lies, half-truths or negotiations that you don't need.

His DW probably knows nothing about you though she may suspect he has someone on the go. Nobody wants to be some cheating spouse's fall back option!

Besides, using his children as an excuse not to see you and then being seen out without them? No.

You've dodged a bullet there, I think.

Look for someone nice without all the baggage, I reckon.

NewlyGranny · 23/06/2021 16:03

I guess you could ask him what he got up to with his kids on the weekend so you can learn what his face looks like when he's lying - but I think you probably already know.

Bluntness100 · 23/06/2021 16:04

Honestly I get you’re hurt that he’s trying to get back with his ex and lying but ghosting isn’t the way to go about it. You should just have said I know about you and your ex so I’m out. And left it there.

Peach01 · 23/06/2021 16:06

@Bananasforhammocks

Yes *@Peach01* I think he was getting me to back off without telling me the truth. I feel like he’s lead me on and left me stranded. I do feel like a cow for ghosting and it’s not something I normally do….I mite decide to tell him face to face what I know but I don’t want him to think I care that much either tbh.

I could send a message over messenger but I just feel desperate.

I wouldn't. It does sound like he's trying to create distance between you. You see him regularly and he's not bothered to ask. It probably suits him, if he's noticed. He lies to your face while looking at you lustfully. He's not messaged you to offer you any explanation. I wouldn't bother with him and I wouldn't feel bad. This mess is on him.
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 23/06/2021 16:39

Stonewalling after an argument for example is emotional abuse. Ending a relationship in this way is not. You owe him nothing.

Sillawithans · 23/06/2021 16:47

Tell him the sex wasn't rubbish and his penis was a bit on the small side.

Original poster
Bananasforhammocks · 23/06/2021 16:56

Lol @Sillawithans Grin
Oooh stonewalling never thought of that. He mite see it like that.
I guess I need to stop caring what he thinks and move on for my own sanity and self respect. I think he’s not reached out because he knows I know and asking me what’s wrong would open up a can of worms for him. I’ve maybe gave him the easier route

OP posts:
bathsh3ba · 23/06/2021 17:16

Sorry but I think ghosting is never justified. Tell him you know about his dinner with his wife and so you are ending it and blocking him. And then block him.

Rosieandjim04 · 23/06/2021 17:20

I'd just keep ghosting him he will know why.

wobblywinelover · 23/06/2021 17:25

I'd just keep him blocked like you've done and move on with your life. Offer the bare minimum to him when you see him at work, only work chat. Don't even give him any of your emotions. He'll get the message. Ghosting isn't great but neither is stringing along two women being a lying deceitful twit either. Don't feel guilty about it.

Peach01 · 23/06/2021 17:32

I’ve maybe gave him the easier route
Look at his actions. You've been seeing him for 6 months, you asked to spend time with him. He lied to you and used his kids as the excuse for being unavailable, when the reality is he was romancing with his ex. He's also told you that he'll now be spending his free time with his kids - sounds like he's trying to fizzle it out. He's either not noticed you've blocked him or doesn't care enough to address it. Don't feel bad for blocking him out.
Until he comes clean, keep shtum.

mrsstyles · 23/06/2021 17:43

@Lougle

I don't like ghosting, tbh. I think it's more mature to simply say you're out, with as much or as little detail as you feel appropriate.

I agree with this when the other party is innocent but in this situation I feel it's totally justified.

Also if they were standing next to each other in work and didn't speak, he's ignoring her as much as she's ignoring him.

I don't think he deserves a moment more of your time OP.......unless you want to make him sweat at the thought of you telling his ex what he's been up to with you. Even if he's single, if he's trying to win her back there's no way he'll have been honest about this. He'll be telling her he can't move on, can't be happy without her, there'll never be anyone else etc etc

PammieDooveOrangeJoof · 23/06/2021 17:46

Tbh to think it sounds like he was going to start ghosting you but you got in first.
I wouldn’t explain anything to him as he doesn’t seem to have asked.

MadeForThis · 23/06/2021 18:11

Sounds like he was trying to end it anyway.

I would send a simple text stating that you're just not feeling it anymore.

romdowa · 23/06/2021 18:18

Sounds like he was about to finish it anyway , but you got in there first. I wouldn't bother saying anything to him and I would continue to act as if he doesn't exist.

Hont1986 · 23/06/2021 19:37

I don't know why you would ghost him in this scenario? Clearly it isn't too avoid the awkwardness of a breakup because you're still interacting at work. Just use your words?