19 weeks pregnant and I feel trapped in my relationship

[jesswilsx]

So I’m 19+6 days pregnant with my current partner. I have twin boys from a previous relationship.

My current relationship isn’t great. We’ve been together 1 year and 1/2 but so much has happened during this time and then I fell pregnant so I felt obligated to stay. A few weeks ago he cheated on me (I was 15 weeks). He met a girl in a pub and brought her back, they didn’t sleep together but they did other things. They were both drunk. I decided to forgive and forget for the sake of my baby. Since then he’s broken his ankle and knee and is bed bound in my house.

Anyway, the last few days I’ve just been feeling so unhappy. He got upset with me yesterday because he asked me to go up the shop to get him fags and I told him id be going up in an hour or so. He started calling me childish etc. because I wouldn’t go immediately. I ended up crying down the phone to my mother, who told me I deserve better than this and I know I do. This isn’t the first time I’ve been called names when all I do is try to look after him. I’m constantly doing everything for him and it’s exhausting.

I just don’t want to do it anymore but since he’s on crutches I feel like I can’t really break up with him because it would be hard for him to leave right now. At the same time, I felt happier when he was in hospital for 2 weeks than I do with him here.

I’m not really concerned about being a single mother. I was a single mother to my boys before I met him, and I know I have enough support around me that I’ll be okay. Although, I am struggling to feel attached to this baby. I’ve experienced so much stress throughout the pregnancy that I haven’t had a chance to get excited yet.

Thank you for reading, I’m just looking for some advice on what to do next. I feel so trapped and unhappy

So he's in your house? Where does he live normally? Send him back there. He's a cheat and a lover, and ungrateful to boot. Get rid of this waster.

Loser not lover autocorrect is more optimistic than me!

Do you live together ? What do you actually want ? Leave him or make it better ?
I'd not worry about his leg / he will manage
Go and be a happy secure single parent and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

He sounds horrible and you sound like you need a break from the stress. If it would be hard for him to leave right now then tough - he should have been nicer to you. Throwing a strop because a pregnant woman won't instantly leave the house to buy you cigarettes (is he smoking around you too when you're pregnant?) is pretty awful. You're not obligated to look after him when he's behaving like this and it sounds like you'd be a lot less stressed without him around.

Yeah, he’s in my house. He has a flat of his own but he makes me feel guilty whenever I ask him to go there. It’s in a valley completely out of the way, and he said he’s goes into a bad place whenever he goes there. He’s basically just using me at the moment so I’m running around after my twins and him!

Get rid !!! Today

Tell him he needs to go home. You've enough to be doing with twins.

He makes you feel guilty huh. The man who cheated on you when you were 15 weeks pregnant? Wheres his guilt?

More importantly, wheres your anger? The man cheated on you and is using you as his personal slave. Unfortunate for him that he's incapacitated for the time being but this is the reason you don't shit on people, its called karma

Get rid of him. You know as soon as the going gets tough with the baby or another woman catches his eye he'll drop you quick as a flash. Do you think if it was you who had broken bones he would be running around after you? Hell no. Take control and kick him out now.

Get rid of him.

You know he's using you.

Just get rid he can get friends or family to run around after him.

He sounds completely awful, why would you put up with this at all? Where is your self worth? You deserve better than this. He has a broken leg, not the end of the world and he is an adult who can look after himself. Why is he smoking near you when you’re pregnant? Where is your anger for him cheating on you? LTB.

@Dogoodfeelgood

He sounds completely awful, why would you put up with this at all? Where is your self worth? You deserve better than this. He has a broken leg, not the end of the world and he is an adult who can look after himself. Why is he smoking near you when you’re pregnant? Where is your anger for him cheating on you? LTB.

I put up with it because I love him and I’ve already had a failed relationship so wanted to try my best to make it work. I can see now that it’s not going to. He doesn’t smoke near me, he smokes outside. And I have a lot of anger. I just struggle with letting go.

What age are your twins?

After a failed and abusive relationship, I tried so hard with the next one. I overlooked cheating etc. Of course it didn't work and I was left holding the baby plus my others from my marriage. It's never going to work. Kick him out and change the locks. I wish I had.

@nimbuscloud

What age are your twins?

My twins are 2 1/2. They’re the light of my life

The brilliant thing is that it's your house so you can ask him to leave. He's a deadweight, a pathetic cheating loser, but he doesn't have to be YOUR burden any more. His broken limbs and depressing house out in the valley aren't your problems. He's already started verbally abusing you while you skivvy after him, your dc should not have to live in this atmosphere and watch their mother being abused. And neither should baby when it's born. Tell him to leave and you'll be in touch re maintenance when baby arrives.

You've got out of one abusive relationship and can do so again.

Make sure he financially supports his child when the baby is born. Though that is easier said than done with some shitty men.

I just don’t want to do it anymore but since he’s on crutches I feel like I can’t really break up with him because it would be hard for him to leave right now.

Not your problem, op. Stop being a doormat, ffs. Just turf him out right now.

@jesswilsx

Let that anger go !

Use the fact that he isn't very quick at moving right now, and pack up whatever crap he has at yours NOW !

Either phone a taxi or drive him home yourself today !

How dare he cheat on you, call you vile names, try to force you to be at his 'beck and call', and then have the bloody nerve to say he 'goes to a dark place' when he's at his house !! TOUGH BLOODY SHIT !!

Tell him ''when you get to the 'dark place', fucking well stay there !!''

Going forwards, block him on your phone and all social media, and only communicate with him about the baby via email.

He has no rights as far as the baby goes. You can decide whether or not you want to continue with the pregnancy, whether you'd let him know when the baby is born etc But you only need concern yourself with what you want, nothing else.

I can only concur with the other respondents; this man needs to go back to his flat/pit and stay there. Your relationship with him is over or at least it should be now. Find your anger here and run with it.

I would consider giving this child your surname rather than his going forward.

I would also suggest you start reading about the Freedom Programme and doing this online; it is for those who have been in abusive relationships previously. Your boundaries, already mashed by past abuse are being further mashed by this man now. He's cheated on you and yet you still think you cannot turf him out of YOUR home because he is on crutches!. He must think you are a right mug acting like you are skivvying around him, he really has no respect for you whatsoever.

You cannot afford to bring yet another loser or abuser into yours or their lives. Rebuild your life now without this man in it.

Was his house a dark place to him before he met you.
Is he paying towards bills and food.
Could you get some burly relatives to make him leave when you ask and he refuses.

This is only going to get worse if you stay. He sounds like a complete drain on you. Tell him to go back to his flat and man up, you've got enough to do you're not his fag servent. The frustration will only build once baby is born and he's being completely useless. I would end the relationship and tell him you're going on your own. You deserve to be happy and enjoy your pregnancy. Good luck

@Bananalanacake

Was his house a dark place to him before he met you. Is he paying towards bills and food. Could you get some burly relatives to make him leave when you ask and he refuses.

He wasn’t living there when I met him, but when we went into lockdown the first time he was there alone for months on end and it become a horrible a place to him. He doesn’t pay for any bills, he buys takeaways but that’s all he contributes. I think his nan would let him stay with her.

I just hate confrontation and I don’t want him swearing and shouting in front of my boys, or with them in the house, which I know he will do

Just tell him you can't get over the cheating and you can't be around him anymore, leave the house and tell him to leave. If he doesn't then call the police.

Ah, so a freeloading, cheating, abusive nasty piece of work. Please, just get rid.

Ask your parents to be there when you ask him to leave, and if he gets nasty and shouty, call the police. Maybe have the dc away form the house at friend's or relatives when you confront him?