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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Your opinion wanted

50 replies

snowbiehamham · 21/06/2021 03:00

I've been going out with( if you could call it that) someone for 9 months. He usually comes round to my house and we have a drink although he drinks most of it because I don't really drink and talk although he does most of the talking. He has never made a move on me, never compliments me and doesn't notice me. Yet he still wants to keep seeing me and does things for me like fixing broken things in my house or bringing me food. I even asked him how he felt about me but he dodged the question. I don't understand what's going on. Does he just not fancy me?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 21/06/2021 03:05

It's impossible to know if he fancies you, but he certainly is a mystery.

Would you be satisfied to just remain friends? You could then start dating other people, which you should if you're looking for a relationship/marriage and possibly children some day.

I wouldn't be wasting any more time waiting for him to figure himself out. Don't make his issues your problem.

Anordinarymum · 21/06/2021 03:08

After nine months and he hasn't made a move, I don't think he will

snowbiehamham · 21/06/2021 03:15

Thanks. We have a lot in common and live very near each other so will prob stay friends but I was really looking for a relationship and we met on internet dating. I told him I didn't think we had much chemistry although I think he is attractive though I didn't tell him that. He said chemistry was very 20th century. he came round tonight and I was so fed up with him I didn't say much Then I abruptly said I'm going to bed, put the Tv and lights off and turfed him out.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 21/06/2021 03:20

He said chemistry was very 20th century.

He did, eh? Well that's a load of shit. He's definitely not going to be your partner, so you might as well accept that now. Either keep him as a friend or bin him off. Whatever you choose, don't waste any more time waiting for him to come around.

Bogeyes · 21/06/2021 05:02

Is he shy? Maybe he is scared of rejection.

LivingLaVidaCovid · 21/06/2021 05:11

These replies!

You met on a dating site not on SirFriendzone.com!!! After 9 months my now DH was moving in, not putting up a shelf while psyching himself up to hold my hand!!!

This guy has issues (no clue what) but is a waste of time unless his DIY skills are truly jaw droppingly awesome...
He is not going to be your partner and won't make you happy.

His presence is also likely to make it harder to meet someone who can make you happy and give you the future you want.

Takenoprisoner · 21/06/2021 14:26

Be less available. He's not interested in a relationship with you for whatever reason, so move on. He does sound bloody odd though with his comment about chemistry.

Umberellatheweatha · 21/06/2021 14:47

He had a friend.

And honestly if it's been 9 months and theres been nothing romantic at all, I'd suspect he was gay. Or asexual.

Umberellatheweatha · 21/06/2021 14:48

*he IS a friend

seensome · 21/06/2021 14:50

He enjoys your company but he's friend zoned you, how do you feel about him?
I'm guessing you want more than a friend, that's why you were on a dating site, he won't tell you want he wants so it's time you tell him what's happening, something along the lines of your're a nice guy but there isn't any dating or relationship forming ( drinks and diy don't count as dates) time for you to move on?

snowbiehamham · 21/06/2021 17:22

He's asked me to go camping with him. Not on a campsite. Wild camping. I've said yes because I've wanted to do that for a while.
I don't understand him. We're both in our 40s. He is a bit eccentric. He seriously believes the Earth is flat and eating tomatoes makes you gay!

OP posts:
Hsurbbrb · 21/06/2021 17:34

Oh god op. I’m sure you can find someone better than this

ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp · 21/06/2021 17:37

What a weirdo. I'd avoid him on every level. Don't wast any more of your precious time.

GinTonicIce · 21/06/2021 17:41

I might be wildly off but… it doesn’t sound like you even like him so why are you wondering what he’s thinking or wants?

I would say it’s time to cut the chord and find someone you can be romantic with. You deserve it as does he :)

Umberellatheweatha · 21/06/2021 17:42

@snowbiehamham

He's asked me to go camping with him. Not on a campsite. Wild camping. I've said yes because I've wanted to do that for a while. I don't understand him. We're both in our 40s. He is a bit eccentric. He seriously believes the Earth is flat and eating tomatoes makes you gay!
He asked you to go camping with him...shortly after you told him there was no chemistry... ... ...does he want you to take a shovel with you too? xD
snowbiehamham · 21/06/2021 17:50

He also thinks we're in the Endtimes and the second coming of Christ is imminent.

OP posts:
MissSmiley · 21/06/2021 18:12

Oh ffs if you fancy him and see a future with him make a move to kiss him and it'll answer all your questions but seriously I'd get yourself back on the dating app, maybe a different one this time

youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/06/2021 18:17

He is a bit eccentric. He seriously believes the Earth is flat and eating tomatoes makes you gay!

He's not eccentric, he's stupid.

HTH.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/06/2021 18:19

He also thinks we're in the Endtimes and the second coming of Christ is imminent.

If you don't believe the same, I can't fathom how you can bear to spend time with someone spouting such nonsense.

If you do believe the same, I can't fathom why you'd want to spend the end of days with him.

Umberellatheweatha · 21/06/2021 18:21

@snowbiehamham

He also thinks we're in the Endtimes and the second coming of Christ is imminent.
Well that's not that crazy tbf. I mean lots of Christians think that.
seensome · 21/06/2021 18:22

He's cuckoo, unless you have the same beliefs, it's a going to be a disaster, how have you put up with these conversations for 9 months. Surely you can find someone a bit more down to earth not flat earth though Grin

Inthesameboatatmo · 21/06/2021 18:26

Omg op give yourself a wobble .
Jesus fuckin christ he's a weird one isnt he . 9 months and no jiggy?
He is either
Traumatised from a past relationship
Very inexperienced
Cant get it up
Or is just absolutely fuckin bat shit crazy.
Either way do yourself a favour and start the slow fade or just tell him its over, you deserve much better.

Inthesameboatatmo · 21/06/2021 18:27

I did post with punctuation I promise.

snowbiehamham · 21/06/2021 18:33

He won't do as a boyfriend that's for sure.

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 21/06/2021 18:36

Thank you Op, I needed a laugh- tomatoes make you gay, that's the best thing I've read on her in ages!