Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I oversensitive, or was this a shitty thing to do?

70 replies

rainydays2021 · 20/06/2021 10:58

Long-time lurker (sistine chapel, penis beaker, Korean lady). Have nc for this thread.

I just need some outside perspective on something that happened on Friday to know whether I'm being a drama llama, or if my DH's actions were insensitive at best.

On Friday, the weather was awful here, lots of heavy rain on and off throughout the day. We don't have a car, so I walk the DC to school (DH has done pick up twice since September). The only umbrella we have is a huge golf one that takes up the whole pavement, so before heading out I checked with Alexa if it was going to rain. Response was that it would be cloudy until 7pm, so I thought I'd chance it.

As I'm leaving, DH says "Take the umbrella" but I tell him it should be okay.

Well, the heavens opened as I was waiting for DC in the playground. They had their umbrellas and wellies, so we started the walk back home. To say I got drenched is an understatement - my waterproof jacket got soaked to the inside!

Arrived back home, standing in the kitchen taking off DC's things, literally dripping wet. DH comes in and instructs DS (17) to "Quick get a towel for the floor". The fucking floor. Like, seriously, not me. The floor.

He made a huge fuss of the floor, making sure it was dry, ignoring me.

Afterwards, I explained his reaction had hurt me. That I didn't need him to feel sorry for me, but to prioritise the floor being dry was incomprehensible to me.

His response was that he'd advised me to take an umbrella and I'd ignored his advice, that I am an adult and therefore should bear the consequences...

So, do I need to give my head a wobble and move on, or was this a really shitty response from DH???

OP posts:
Tulipsandviolets · 20/06/2021 11:03

Think he was trying to prove a point you needed an umbrella. Thoughtless comment. Does he tend to be thoughtless and make daft comments

YarnOver · 20/06/2021 11:03

I think you've overreacted a bit. You're an adult who's wet! You can take your own clothes off and get changed ! If me and my kids came back drenched tbh I'd expect my DH to help me with the kids, and yes start mopping up the floor so that mud and crap didn't get dragged through the house. I'd take my clothes off and go upstairs and get changed.
You were wet, not dying!!

Bluey18 · 20/06/2021 11:03

I wouldn't necessarily expect sympathy for being soaked but the fact that he made a huge fuss of the floor makes him look like passive aggressive twat that wanted to get his point across that he was right. Is he normally so concerned about the floors, or housework in general for that matter 😬

Tulipsandviolets · 20/06/2021 11:05

To be fair I get pissed off if members of the family would be drenched and potentially making a mess all over the floor. So maybe he had a point

DinaofCloud9 · 20/06/2021 11:08

I think you've over reacted. It was only rain and you were wet not dangerously ill.

Plus he did warn you. I'd be a bit "well I did say take an umbrella haha" in that situation.

Jellyred · 20/06/2021 11:11

Hmmm… sounds like he was being a bit PA and it wouldn’t have bothered me quite as much.

However, looking at the detail you’ve put, how is your relationship and Labour split in general? is there a wider issue of which this is a small instance?

If not I think this is a non-issue.

spotcheck · 20/06/2021 11:11

Why didn't your children share their umbrella with you?

Missing point

lilyofthewasteland · 20/06/2021 11:13

What kind of floor do you have?!

ticktockriojaoclock · 20/06/2021 11:19

Definitely oversensitive. You are a grown woman!

Colourmeclear · 20/06/2021 11:22

Is this a one off or representative of a bigger issue? As a one off, it's probably just a difference of point of view. I know my partner would probably say, well you're already wet and the floor isn't. My partner is generally very compassionate but he's also very logical and straightforward. However, if this is part of a general pattern of really not seeing or considering you then it's really a different answer.

Domoresteps · 20/06/2021 11:24

I don’t think it’s a major deal.

BaronessBomburst · 20/06/2021 11:24

Buy a smaller umbrella, one that fits in your handbag.

Original poster
rainydays2021 · 20/06/2021 11:24

@Jellyred

Hmmm… sounds like he was being a bit PA and it wouldn’t have bothered me quite as much.

However, looking at the detail you’ve put, how is your relationship and Labour split in general? is there a wider issue of which this is a small instance?

If not I think this is a non-issue.

I think you've hit the nail on the head.

He's not usually worried at all about the floors, housework, or anything else.

In that moment, it actually felt like "I will show you that the floor means more to me than you".

OP posts:
TooBigForMyBoots · 20/06/2021 11:24

I think you're being over sensitive. I would assume that the wet adult would sort themselves out and be grateful to me for cleaning up the floor.

HelenHywater · 20/06/2021 11:24

I think you're reacting about the wrong thing - why does he never do a school run?

Original poster
rainydays2021 · 20/06/2021 11:26

And yes, to all those saying I was wet, not dying Grin . Totally agree and why I want to be sure I'm not over-reacting.

I'm going to chalk it up to being one of those days....life's too short.

OP posts:
moynomore · 20/06/2021 11:28

I hate to say it, but if my DH came homes dripping wet I'd be worried about my floors more than him. He's just just undress and handle it.

Fyredraca · 20/06/2021 11:29

Get another, smaller umbrella

Tangled22 · 20/06/2021 11:31

Impossible to tell without being there and witnessing his tone.

I do think YABU to expect an adult to fuss over you for being rained on. It’s just rain. You aren’t hurt. You don’t need sympathy for being wet.

I also think it’s quite normal and helpful to focus on cleaning up the puddles on the floor (so people weren’t walking it through the house/to remove a hazard). He was hardly going to start stripping your clothes off for you was he.

BUT if he’s generally a PA arse then maybe it was exactly as you’ve interpreted it, and he was having a dig at you and trying to hurt your feelings. I just don’t think anyone who wasn’t there could really comment.

AutoGroup · 20/06/2021 11:31

There are obviously weird goings on here, it wouldn't occur to DH to tell me I needed an umbrella, that's something I'd decide for myself without any input fro him, but having got home soaked, I'd have seen it as helpful if he'd dealt with the floor while I took myself to the bathroom to get sorted.

Sleeplessem · 20/06/2021 11:36

If you have laminate or wood flooring he reacted exactly how I would have xx

MaMelon · 20/06/2021 11:36

I’m with your husband - sorry. I’d expect him to deal with his own wet clothes while I helped the DCs and dried the floor, and would probably mutter something about taking an umbrella, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love him to bits. I’d definitely buy a smaller umbrella and a proper waterproof coat for future (and have a bit of a chat about him doing more of the school pick ups/drop offs).

SisterAgatha · 20/06/2021 11:39

I would not be upset really. Any one in my family would laugh at my folly. You can just get changed surely.

TillyTopper · 20/06/2021 11:42

I think you are really over-reacting. You got wet, stick you clothes in the wash, have a quick shower and dry off and you're fine.

Danidandan · 20/06/2021 11:42

I mean it's a very minor thing to be hurt about. If my DH came in soaked and it was going all over the floor I'd probably call him an idiot for not taking a brolly and grab a towel for him. No harm done?