Husband has been cheating with work colleague

[Gunsnrosesx]

Just found out tonight and I can’t even get my words out properly. We’ve been together for 10 years, married 3 with DS 8. I’m still in shock. I never in a million years thought he was the type of man who could do something like this

I’ve had my suspicions for a while. Over the last few months he’s been spending more and more time away with “work”. which didn’t sit right. His job has never involved working away but he used the excuse that it was an important project that they were working on.
I found messages on his phone between the two of them going back well over a year now. He only started the job around 15 months ago so this must have started straight after he took the job. At first it was just flirty chats, talking about work and how they met. As time goes on the conversations became sexual, sending pics. Now they just talk about general stuff and dates of when they will meet up next.

After I confronted him he went very quiet, wouldn’t talk to me. Just kept on saying it was a mistake, it meant nothing and that he loves me. We didn’t argue. DS was upstairs in his bedroom. It was so so hard not to scream and shout but I don’t want DS to know what’s going on. I’ve asked him to leave. No idea where he’s gone, at this moment in time I really don’t give a shit where he is. I couldn’t help but but look at her Facebook and she’s so young. Pretty, slim, fucking everything! It’s such a cliche. He’s 38 and she looks early 20’s. What the hell would a 20 year old woman want with a married man who’s nearly 40???

I I thought he loved me. He seemed happy, I honestly don’t know what’s changed. We hardly ever argue and we spend more than enough time together. Sex life has always been good, so why?? Just why. Please tell me it’s gets better

A mistake is forgetting to lock the door not fucking someone for a year
so sorry op-hope you can move on from this

-_- a bit guilty, he should feel fucking vile.

Only scum can cheats on someone who means something.

The fact that he doesn't care about her makes it worse IMO. That he was prepared to risk your life together and hurt your son for sex. Just sex.

He's not conflicted. He's not torn between 2 women he loves. He simply got caught.

Try to get some sleep tonight. Then tomorrow, check online where you can get a STI test for yourself. I'm so sorry.

I was where you are 18 months ago OP. I found out by accident when his colleague's messages popped up on his phone when he was asleep. It had been going on for more than a year. I was devastated.my DD was 8. I never thought he would do that.

He lied and tried to downplay it saying it wasn't sexual but she told me otherwise and when I confronted him he admitted it all.

Take your time to digest it all. Be prepared for ups and downs. There were some days when I'd just burst into tears and have to hide it from my DD. Make sure you drink and eat a little .

Don't let him rush you. Get some legal advice. I felt sorry for him a few months later and let him come back. Worst thing I ever did. I could never forgive him and I ended it for good 6 months ago. Once the trust is gone,in my eyes it's gone forever and they won't change.

OP no advice to add but couldn’t read and run as this is such a shit situation and I’m really sorry.

Take you time when it comes to making decisions and I hope it was a help having your sister over. It is really awful that this has been going on for a year.

I agree with what others have said this is not about you it’s about ego boosts etc

You have asked the question why has he done this? The answer is because he is a self serving, lying prick. It is entirely up to you as to what you do from here. Stay if you really want to but unfortunately your marriage is doomed. It only takes one bullet and he has pulled the trigger.

I've been where you are OP and I know the pain you're in I was promised on MN it would get better - I didn't believe that at the time and I couldn't see a life beyond my marriage. But you can and will get through this and you will be okay. Get all the support you can, irl and on here. You deserve so much more than a man who can treat you this way.

I'm so sorry, OP. Glad you're sister is going to be with you for support.

Husband messaged earlier to ask if I wanted him to take DS out for a few hours to give me a break.

Why doesn’t he just leave by himself to give you a break and time to process everything? That would obviously help the most. But instead he’s offering you an empty gesture to look like the good guy🙄

I’m possibly the same age as his affair partner and get the feeling that he’s taken advantage of someone that’s slightly vulnerable. IME no well-adjusted and attractive 20 year old wants to sleep with someone that’s her dad’s age! They likely have 100s of other guys interested in them and have already formed connections with guys their own age. His comment about being her fucked by an older man makes their relationship seems like a “sugar baby/daddy” set up.

The fact that their relationship has been ongoing for a year means that this isn’t just sex. They definitely have feelings for each other at this point.

So glad you have phoned your Sister 🌸

You sound strong. Well done for kicking him out

So pleased you called your sister. Mine did the same. She dropped everything and came to visit. It meant a lot.

Be kind to yourself. Remember to eat and drink what you can.

Just do what you can day by day. For a long time I just worked. School run. Kids fed and slept. It was a rubbish time.

I'm sure now it isn't a secret anymore the ow will lose interest. It is hard but try not to go looking for information. Block Him on social media. Etc.

Take your time. Some relationships survive infidelity. If he can show you he is remorseful and can be open and honest with you going forward.

If you decide that this is the end of the relationship. Seek advice legally. Gather good people around you. And get professional support if you feel you need to. Speak to your GP and think about counselling. This will give you a safe place to work things out.

Practical things to think about.

Claim any benefits
Council tax reduction
Child support
Cancel any of his bills from joint account
Contact. How this will look going forward.

Don't be letting him off the hock from parenting. I know how heart breaking it is. Just know in time the pain eases. You need to grieve for your relationship. The family you had and the future you thought you had.

If you do decide to separate. Remember he is not your friend. This man has been deceiving you for a year. Keep contact formal and business like.

Take care of you and your DS. For now that is the most
Important thing.

Hi… Aussie sister who just wants to give you a big, empathetic hug and would provide cocktails to you and your lovely sister when requested. Get legal ducks in a row before emotional ones please. I’m older and a leetle bit wiser. Still happily married, so not cynical, but have seen the world explode around me. Big hugs!

How are you today @Gunsnrosesx ?

Sending you a big hug. I'm so sorry he's been such a shit!

Have you had a good night with your sister? Xx

Hey just another message to say I hope you're ok OP. Stay strong, life will get better xxx

💐

Hugs to you, from someone who has been thru it all.

Hope you are doing ok OP.