Partner has shot my confidence

[Makhiaman]

My partner has always been just focused on weight and bodies etc. I put on a lot of weight when I had my first and have been a size 12 for the last 5 years since then (as opposed to the size 8 I was before that).

During lockdown I decided to try and lose the weight so I worked really hard and managed to shed 2 stone and felt great. Everyone is complimenting me, My confidence had massively improved and I was just an all round happier person. It was all going amazingly until I fell quite badly ill around a month ago and stopped dieting as much and working out (zero energy) I’ve managed to only gain 1lb back in that time though luckily.

Last night I got out of the shower (naked) and went around Dp’s side of the bed to get my creams etc and he was sat in bed staring at my body, I thought he was going to say something nice but instead he came out with ‘your legs are getting fat again’ I was shocked he said it and he paused and said ‘you really should be keeping an eye on your weight, have you weighed yourself lately? What do you weigh now? You’re definitely getting fat again’

I haven’t spoken to him since and I’m really, deeply hurt.

I know I sound pathetic being so down about this but I can’t look at him the same way since. I can’t imagine ever being comfortable enough to be naked infront of him again. I felt like I was finally gaining my confidence back and felt good in myself and now I just feel so worthless and shit.

We’ve been together 10 years, 2 children.. he’s said some hurtful things before but this has really hit deep. I felt despised by him, to look at my naked body and just have that to say just really hurts.

Do I need to get a grip?

No you don't need to get a grip, he's a fucking shallow dick.

From what you've said about your weight you sound perfect.

No. You don't need to get a grip. That sounds so hurtful especially as you had worked hard to lose the weight. Have you told him how it's made you feel?

He’s a cunt. Size 12 is hardly ‘fat’, unless you’re going to drip feed that you’re 3ft tall or something.

Presumably his physique is perfect and there is absolutely nothing wrong with him?

You need to lose 13 stone - i.e. him!

He doesn't like you very much, does he?

What kind of person thinks it's ok to critique the body of the person they're meant to love and cherish most in the world? I think you know the answer...

A grip around his fucking neck maybe.

He deliberately said those things to make you feel shit about yourself. Thats not someone who loves you. Its someone who hates you.

Turf the creep out and never take him back.

Ps: well done on your weightloss journey!
Never let some arsehole sabotage it.

Sorry you were a size 12 then lost 2 stone???

You’re very slim then and he’s an utter cunt.

Even if you were 18 stone he’s still a total cunt.

Why do you even need to ask? He sounds like a cunt.

Fuck that shit. That is not acceptable.

He needs to understand a few things:
He has no authority/license to talk about your body at all, and especially in those terms.

Bodies change. It sounds to me that the effort required to get to and maintain a size 8 might not be sustainable or practical. Perhaps you're a 12, perhaps that's your set point. Either way, it's your body, your choice and it doesn't change who you are as a person.

I don't know how you address it other than explaining to him that it is unacceptable to speak to you like that and the effort is all on HIM to explore why he feels the need to talk to you like that. Not on you to meet his expectations.

I'm so angry on your behalf.

No, you don't need to get a grip. What he said was horrible and incredibly hurtful.

Well done on the weight you've lost and I hope you're now fully recovered from your illness.

How does it happen that a woman even agrees to be with a piece of shit like that?

When were the tell tale signs you’d made a massive mistake in your choice of partner?!

Sounds like he doesn’t even like you, mind you, I don’t think I’d even say that to someone I hated and wanted to hurt.

His a cunt!

That's incredibly hurtful.

I've gained and lost weight throughout the years. My husband doesn't bat an eyelid.

You deserve better.

I honestly don’t know how your not fuming, hitting the roof and going berserk at him!?

His purposely and deliberately gone out his way to be mean and hurtful....I just couldn’t with that!

I suppose he looks like Brad Pitt? He sounds awful.

I'm angry for you! No one who loves you or even likes you would say that.

He sounds like a knob
Don’t put up with it

Yes, get a grip.

A grip on an 8kg kettlebell and bring it swinging down on his nuts. That’ll shut the tosser up.

Guaranteed he's sleeping with another woman who's morbidly obese

He's already done a number on you for you to even ask the question. This is a horrible relationship.

How dare he.

I'd not want to be naked around him again, either. EVER.

I think my vagina would have clanged permanently shut, and grown a gin trap, the nasty little bugger.

Fuck me. What an absolute prick. You deserve better OP. I'd comment on the inadequacy of his cock and then tell him to get lost. Easier said than done I know.

Yes I told him that I found his comments hurtful, he claimed he was looking out for me.

I’ve ignored him all day and he text me when I was out apologising if he’s upset me and saying he was an idiot but I haven’t replied and I won’t be speaking to him today.

He does have a good body, he works out to an almost obsessive level. I did too when we met but then life got in the way post children and I had other priorities.

Sadly not an illness Im unlikely to fully recover from illness anytime soon so I need him around a lot at the moment, that’s making it harder. I don’t want to look at him or sleep in the same bed as him but I have no other choice.

It hurts to think he might not like me, or even hate me. We’ve shared the last 10 years of our lives together.

I can feel the total hurt and devastation in your post. And you are right to feel that way. What he said was utterly cruel. He needs to know that. Has he said other things that belittle you before?