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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being over sensitive or….

66 replies

C4SKI · 16/06/2021 19:09

He gets home from work and as the norm lays out on the sofa while I perch at the end with our toddler having his bedtime milk. We usually have his bedtime CBeebies show on at this time but partner has football on even though he’s head is stuck scrolling through FB on his phone and has barely lifted his eyes.

I then get a whiff of his work feet which are up by our end of the sofa.

Me: phew your feet stink
Him: And you’re an ugly bastard
Me: sorry what?!
Him: I said you’re an ugly bastard
Me: why are you saying that?!
Him: I thought we were stating facts, you said my feet smell and I’m just stating the fact that you’re a fucking ugly bastard.
Me: Why have you got to be such a horrible person?
Him: I’m simply stating facts I thought we were fact sharing.

Baring I’m mind he knows I’m feeling insecure about my looks since I’m 7 months pregnant and struggling with the heat.

He often responds with (what I feel are) huge overreactions to very often simple comments or questions (often not even me criticising I asked the other day what colour his niece and nephews eyes were as I was wondering about the eye pigment dominance on his side of the family and he yelled back ‘I don’t fucking know who gives a fuck, who the fuck pays attention to fucking eye colour?!).

His reactions often take me by surprise and of course always puts the blame back on me. We’ve recently had a round of couples counselling (triggered by me seeking therapy for being depressed and during my assessment they recommended couples therapy - which he reluctantly took part in but says it’s a waste of time and only doing it to shut me up).

Am I being over sensitive??

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 16/06/2021 19:11

No. He is vile. Does he do drugs?

Everydayisawindingroad · 16/06/2021 19:13

Not over sensitive at all. He’s an abusive a hole. What an appalling and inexcusable way to treat anyone let alone the woman who is carrying your child.

LemonLemonLemon · 16/06/2021 19:13

No, he sounds like a knob! You poor thing.

What a bloody awful thing to say. You mentioned a transient thing that he could easily fix and he came back with a vile personal attack. And in front of your child. They learn from us.

It doesn’t sound healthy.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 16/06/2021 19:16

When i read a title like yours, my first reaction is usually “I bet you’re not being over sensitive - I bet your DP is a cock”. I’m not wrong.

He’s appalling and there’s absolutely no correlation between what you said and what he said. Please leave him. Your kids will be learning that this is how men speak to women, and will no doubt end up copying him too, especially if you have boys.

There’s literally no excuse for his nastiness. You deserve better. Flowers

HollowTalk · 16/06/2021 19:18

Oh god, right from the very first line about you and your child perched on the end of the sofa to the very last line, he's a disgusting disgraceful waste of space.

You have to leave, OP. You can't stay with this man. Even if you can cope with him, what is this teaching your child?

BarryTheKestrel · 16/06/2021 19:19

You are absolutely not being oversensitive. What an absolute cock. Has he always been like this?

YarnOver · 16/06/2021 19:20

Oh my goodness no you are not being over sensitive. I was upset for you when you said you were perched on the edge of the sofa, let alone when you said what horrendous things he called you.
You can't have another child with this bully! I'm so sorry OP.

Bluntness100 · 16/06/2021 19:20

Well no, but is this the second baby with him you’re having?

DoingItMyself · 16/06/2021 19:21

Appalling. How are you going to free yourself, and your children, from him?

Shoxfordian · 16/06/2021 19:22

No he’s a knob
Why are you still with him?

Aquamarine1029 · 16/06/2021 19:23

Your partner is an absolute PIG. Why on earth are you with this man?

wildeverose · 16/06/2021 19:25

Leave, and fast.

Umberellatheweatha · 16/06/2021 19:25

You know that's abuse right?
Shouting and swearing at you like that is abuse. Calling you ugly is abuse. Picking on your insecurities is abuse.

He would have been out on his arse the first time he spoke to me like that.

He is vile and you need to get yourself and your poor kids away from this environment, asap.

Amdone123 · 16/06/2021 19:26

What a charmer. Disgraceful way to talk to the mother of your children. Life's too short to stay with this prick.

Kdubs1981 · 16/06/2021 19:26

I realise you are 7 months pregnant, so might be instant. But if I was you I'd be making firm plans to leave him ASAP. Before your children are impacted on

AtrociousCircumstance · 16/06/2021 19:27

Why are you with this scum.

pinkyredrose · 16/06/2021 19:28

He's a cunt. Has he always been a cunt?

simonlebone · 16/06/2021 19:28

No not at all. He's being incredibly and deliberately hurtful and aggressive in his behaviour to you. That's horrible. This behaviour must not only make you feel horrible, I'd imagine makes you feel scared. I'm sorry you are experiencing this behaviour from a person who is supposed to love and look out for you. Have you anyone you can talk to in real life? Good luck, his behaviour is not acceptable and he shows terrible regard to you and your child and it needs to change dramatically for both your sakes. Look after yourself and consider other options other than living with him.

Umberellatheweatha · 16/06/2021 19:30

Try to get out before the next baby arrives because it will be harder to leave him with the exhaustion of looking after your newborn.

C4SKI · 16/06/2021 19:31

Yes it’s our second child (immaculate conception trust me!) He’s always had a viscous tongue and the couples therapy was kind of a make or break thing when we started it, I thought things were better but then it just takes a scenario like this to make me want to leave again. He’s otherwise a great father, provider etc etc. The reason I hadn’t left till now was mainly that I’d pretty much given up my independent life to be with him, my career, my home, we moved to the countryside where we know nobody, my family doesn’t have the space for me since they downsized and I have nothing. I’m a stay at home mum now and as he says he “brings home the bacon” so I have no money. Pretty much trapped at least until our baby comes and is settled etc. Otherwise I would have been long gone, I’ve always been a take-no-shit person my whole life which is why this is so humiliating and feels shameful. I haven’t even told my closest friends how things are because they wouldn’t believe I’d ever put up with this sort of behaviour. It’s tragic isn’t it.

OP posts:
Onthedunes · 16/06/2021 19:33

Op, don't let anyone speak to you like that in life.

Whether he thinks he's funny, he's not, he's rude.

Nastiness.
Tell him to fuck off and leave.

CrazyNeighbour · 16/06/2021 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rainbowx · 16/06/2021 19:34

LTB what vile man

Rainbowx · 16/06/2021 19:35

*what a vile manConfused

messybun101 · 16/06/2021 19:36

My mouth totally dropped reading that conversation