Am I being over sensitive or….

[C4SKI]

He gets home from work and as the norm lays out on the sofa while I perch at the end with our toddler having his bedtime milk. We usually have his bedtime CBeebies show on at this time but partner has football on even though he’s head is stuck scrolling through FB on his phone and has barely lifted his eyes.

I then get a whiff of his work feet which are up by our end of the sofa.

Me: phew your feet stink
Him: And you’re an ugly bastard
Me: sorry what?!
Him: I said you’re an ugly bastard
Me: why are you saying that?!
Him: I thought we were stating facts, you said my feet smell and I’m just stating the fact that you’re a fucking ugly bastard.
Me: Why have you got to be such a horrible person?
Him: I’m simply stating facts I thought we were fact sharing.

Baring I’m mind he knows I’m feeling insecure about my looks since I’m 7 months pregnant and struggling with the heat.

He often responds with (what I feel are) huge overreactions to very often simple comments or questions (often not even me criticising I asked the other day what colour his niece and nephews eyes were as I was wondering about the eye pigment dominance on his side of the family and he yelled back ‘I don’t fucking know who gives a fuck, who the fuck pays attention to fucking eye colour?!).

His reactions often take me by surprise and of course always puts the blame back on me. We’ve recently had a round of couples counselling (triggered by me seeking therapy for being depressed and during my assessment they recommended couples therapy - which he reluctantly took part in but says it’s a waste of time and only doing it to shut me up).

Am I being over sensitive??

"Great fathers" dont treat their children's mothers so shaudily. Also sounds like he has managed to isolate you and cut off your income ect...

You will be entitled to child support and benefits if you leave and might find its plenty to get by on. Do some looking into it and what you would be able to afford. I'd also start confiding in people what you are going through. Supportive ones though, not those who would encourage you to stay and tolerate this bs.

He sounds completely unhinged tbh op. I wouldnt be surprised if he even became physically abusive with the way he talks to you.

He is not a great father. He is a lousy one, because he is abusing the mother of his kids in front of them. He's an arse.

He sounds vile. And you sound like you definatly know this is no way to live. You and your kids deserve so much more. I'd be making plans to leave. You will get lots of good advice on here. It will be hard but so so worth it. Get your shit together, make a plan and go for it. You know by the time your baby's a year old your life could be totally different. Only you can do it so give it your all, make the life you want for you and them kids, defo starting with not having them thinking that is a nice way to speak in front of them!!

This kind of reaction is ingrained. I had chills reading your OP as it's very similar to my ex partner. Everything was either praise or an attack to him. He had to win either by attacking back but much stronger or by completely ripping apart what I said as pointless, trying to start an argument, a stupid effing question as in your example. It never got better, I never felt like I was in a team, I was afraid to speak unless I was spoken to by the end. You are not over sensitive, he is, but he's too much of a bully and feels too entitled to do any introspective work when he finds it much easier to put you in your place, and make you think it's your problem.

That's despicable.Tell him he's a newly single bastard.

I’d fuck him right off.
You and kids will have a better life without a domineering, angry, rude fucker that can’t even converse normally.
If you need him now then just start lining up your weapons til your ready to draw then BOOM.
Life’s to short for pricks. At least you got soon to be 2 beautiful bubba’s out of it so not all bad. Goodluck with everything and if no ones told you recently, you are beautiful, you are strong, you are creating a new life and you are amazing x

I honestly would be phoning for an ambulance if my DP spoke like that as I would think he had some sort of head injury. I can't imaging how you come back from that. Just why? Why would someone be so nasty? Why are you with him? Is this a one off? Had things maybe been brewing for a while? Are you able to talk about this? I have so many questions as I cannot fathom being spoken to like that. I hope you're ok OP.

He’s financially abusive on top of everything else so please contact women’s aid who can help you.

You’re not the first woman to say it and won’t be the last but he’s not a great father or a great provider. He’s verbally abusive in front of your child, priorities the football over this child’s bedtime routine and won’t let you have access to money.

I suspect this is worse than you realise. Please don’t make excuses for him or his disgusting behaviour.

Vile. I as this in front of your child too? This language isn't ok in front of kids snd is not ok for you either.

What a horrible specimen he sounds like! So sorry OP. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

@CrazyNeighbour

He sounds awful, but “Phew your feet stink” presumably with a crinkled up face is asking for an argument. Expressing disgust like that is toxic for a relationship. What positive reaction are you hoping to get from an expression of disgust at someone?

Not with him, but maybe in your next relationship try to find a nicer way to say it.

Hmm I can’t agree with that. It is quite possible something that I might say to DH, in a fairly light hearted manner and he would cheerfully apologise and go to deal with it. It isn’t necessary to always stand on ceremony with the person you are living with.

OP, he sounds vile and abusive but yet again I sigh when I read that there is another baby on the way and the situation gets harder and harder.

Unfortunately you have aligned yourself with what is known as a Cunt. A Cunt cannot be changed and has no redeeming features.
Tell it to get in the sea, preferably with concrete shoes on.

You and the kids are scenery to him. It’s obvious from the way he talks to you. You’re not equal to him, there’s no need for him to care about your feelings, you are ‘wife’, mother to his kids and useful for sex.

Run.

I don't advocate violence but he needs a punch in the throat. LEAVE. Sounds like a class a bitch. What kind of childhood did he have? Dad present? Or only child of a single mother? Just for reference.

Don’t take any notice of the poster suggesting you were unkind by saying his feet stink.
If he’s been working all day presumably in shoes then I’m sure his feet do smell mine would too I think.
I remember when I was around 2 weeks post Partum in cluster feeding hell and struggling a bit. I said to DP can you clean up in here and open a window there’s a really gross smell and he just said I’m afraid that’s you. It was me I ponged! I didn’t lose my shit and call him vile names I just said here’s the baby I’m going for a shower.
It’s ok to tell your sorter they are a bit stinky it’s absolutely not ok to call your partner an ugly bastard :(

I don't agree with pp who said op made an unpleasant remark, either. Ffs, you should be able to make an observation in a bloody relationship without being told you're ugly.
If I said this to my OH, he would say, 'Do they ?' And go and wash them or have a shower. If he said that to me, I would say the same and go and sort it.
I wouldn't call him ugly. Op's dh is a dick who needs to grow up.

@CrazyNeighbour

He sounds awful, but “Phew your feet stink” presumably with a crinkled up face is asking for an argument. Expressing disgust like that is toxic for a relationship. What positive reaction are you hoping to get from an expression of disgust at someone?

Not with him, but maybe in your next relationship try to find a nicer way to say it.

Helpful @CrazyNeighbour the OP Is clearly in a relationship with a man who has isolated her and emotionally abuses her. Why on Earth do you think it's appropriate to criticise a woman in that situation for making a straightforward observation.

Do you genuinely think it's her behaviour that is the problem here?

@CrazyNeighbour Your post is very depressing-I wouldn't freak out and be verbally abusive in front of our baby if my DH said my feet stunk! Pregnant women have incredibly sensitive senses like taste and smell. There's no justification for her partner's verbal, emotional and financial abuse in their relationship.

That's a vile thing to say to someone. Was this also in front of your dc?

My ds is late 20's and still has therapy from living with a df like this. He has physically abused a previous gf. He is now a pt df himself.... Break the chain sooner than I did op... My ds was 7 when I filed for divorce but the damage was already done. 20 years of damage.
Oh and a judge denied him access to ds because of what he had witnessed. No actual physical abuse but swearing and breaking things in our home in ds's presence..
If you aren't married even better.... Register the new dc in your surname without him there. Seek legal advice ASAP. Even just to know where you stand..

What a pig! You and your children deserve so much better than this!

I would start making plans now so that you can leave when you feel ready to

No he sounds like an arsehole.

However if you want someone to wash their feet, saying ‘darling would you mind washing your feet when you get home’ is probably a better approach

"He's always had a viscous tongue", "I've always been a take no shit person". Do you see how these statements are at odds? You gave up your career, moved middle of nowhere, became totally reliant on him, you've obviously taken a lot of shit for some reason. Love is like a madness. Anyway, what's done is done, if you used to take no shit, channel that person again, never accept a viscous tongue. Hope you are on the mortgage, because if not married either, lest face it, you've rolled over, and been a puppy. Most likely, you've moved so he could cut you off and abuse at his leisure.
Whatever way you can, get out of this.

Yes I am on the mortgage. And he put down a huge deposit. So there’s that.