Am I being unfair - buying a house without DP

[sunshinesally11]

Currently I live in a tiny house with my 2DC. My DP of 5 years (who has 1 DC) shares a house with his brother (his DC has their own room there).

We can't afford to buy a property together for the size we need as DP says that his DC needs their own bedroom and can't share with my youngest of a similar age. I'm not prepared to go from owning a home to renting.

My parents have offered to purchase me a bigger house than I have now. This would be a 3 bed, so a bedroom each for my DC and one for me. If this bedroom was a 4 bed, my DP would have moved in and contributed towards the household bills. But because this would be a 3 bed, it would mean his DC wouldn't get their own room, and he would refuse to move in on that basis. In fact, he was pretty cross that I'd consider moving to a 3 bed in the first place.

Am I being unreasonable here? I feel in a really awkward position as potentially to live with my DP and his DC have their own room, I would have to turn down the offer of a 3 bed from my parents. But if i do accept the offer then I know my DP would not react well.

Does anyone have any advice?

[TheLeadbetterLife]

Good grief.

I hope he's amazing in bed.

[Takenoprisoner]

He's practically moved in with you if he's there whenever he's dc isn't staying over at his, which is 4 overnights a month. Is he at least contributing?

[LeafBeetle]

Sounds like you have more problems than just this one OP.

Why the fuck is he spending so much time at yours and not contributing either financially or practically and still not managing to save any money?

You are subsidising his lifestyle with money you could be spending on yourself and your DC.

[katy1213]

Bloody hell - I've just read the rest. You need to start charging him for food/utilities.
As for selling your house in order to rent - I'll bet he has some big plans for spending your capital once you have money in the bank!
This is classic cocklodger. Work out what you're paying for sex - is it really worth it?

[SleepingStandingUp]

Are your parents buying the house outright? So handing over say £250k in cash? If so could you and he get a mortgage together (assuming you both work) to afford a 4 bed?

No way do you sell a house to rent one big enough for a bedroom to be used 4 nights a week

[Cockenspiel]

The more you post OP, the worse he sounds.

It’s becoming clear how much of a cocklodger he is. Already staying at your house the majority of the time and contributing zero. This ultimately takes money away from your own children.

I think you need to ask yourself some tough questions around why you’re even considering this situation at all?

When you have your own kids and want a stable financial future. Why on earth would you risk any of that for a man who has been mooching off you for a considerable amount of time.

He’s a cocklodging, fanny closer. There is nothing attractive about men who sponge, make demands that they can’t actually support with their own fucking income.

[Aquamarine1029]

FFS, op, take the blinders off. He is a cocklodger and is only thinking of himself. You would be a fool to risk your financial future by buying or renting a home with him. Take your parents offer without another thought, because this man is not looking after your best interests.

I'd be dumping him if I were you.

[BirthdayCakeBelly]

Accept your parents offer without hesitation. Ensure everything is in your name only.

[DumpyDonkey]

Yeah, he can fuck right off.

I'd leave his sorry arse. What kind of partner wouldn't be happy for their other half to have the opportunity of buying a bigger home ?

...and he doesn't even pay his way when he is staying with you most of the month?

Cocklodger.

[MadinMarch]

• He spends the evening here and stays over night when he doesn't have his DC. He's at work in the day. Not here the weekends he has his DC.
  
  To answer your questions, no he doesn't contribute towards food, bills or housework.*
  
  Does he have a golden cock?

[JonahofArk]

@Aquamarine1029

FFS, op, take the blinders off. He is a cocklodger and is only thinking of himself. You would be a fool to risk your financial future by buying or renting a home with him. Take your parents offer without another thought, because this man is not looking after your best interests.

I'd be dumping him if I were you.

I agree with this.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

I remember your previous thread. This one makes him sound even worse. In the nicest possible way OP, he’s taking the absolute piss and doesn’t have your interests at heart.

[CaraherEIL]

Do your plan OP he sounds like a freeloader, by owning your own property you secure your financial future. Even if he could get financially involved to stretch for a 4 bed I wouldn’t do it. Just keep your house and your finances separate. He needs to sort his credit rating for a start if he couldn’t get a mortgage agreed I wouldn’t tie my financial future in with him. Buy your house he can ‘trial’ his child room sharing at yours if he any you wants. Meanwhile he puts his own finances in order and then maybe you can still buy together in the future.

[finished31]

He's living his best life isn't he just! Free rent/food/bills, sex on tap yet plays dad 4 nights a month.

No wonder he wants you to rent, so he has the bigger house and probably be just as useless then too.

I think you know what you need to do. tell his to get to fuck

[CaraherEIL]

He wants you to move backwards financially because he can’t move forward it would make me hesitate about him as a partner.

[fruitbrewhaha]

Do your parents like him? I'm wondering if they are nudging you into a 3 bed n the knowledge that he want move in with you. Just a thought.

A good partner would be really pleased for you to get this offer from your parents and would see it as a real boon. They would let their child sleep in with one of yours once a week or figure out a way to make it work. Plan for an extension, or a roof conversion etc.

[sunshinesally11]

@fruitbrewhaha To be honest my parents don't really know him that well. They do seem to like him, but he hasn't spent much time with them.

[youvegottenminuteslynn]

So, basically he's still being as much of a dickhead as last time you posted about him only now you're about to give up the opportunity to move your children into a secure home that better fits their needs because of him?

This. Why are you putting an entitled and selfish man before your own children?

[borntobequiet]

If I as a grandparent offered to do this for the benefit of my DD and DGC, and my child turned it down for the reasons you describe I’d be pretty puzzled. And bloody annoyed.
Have the 3 bed. Your kids will appreciate the space.

[BIWI]

[quote sunshinesally11]@RandomMess Hi, yes I did, quite a while back! My parents offering to purchase a house for me has changed the situation slightly. [/quote]
No it really hasn't.

You still have the same issue, which is that of your partner.

You're getting the same advice on this thread as you did on the last one you started (which I think you had deleted in the end?), which is that he is a complete and utter waste of space.

Ditch him and think about you and your family's needs first.

[ChicChaos]

So does his child have their own bedroom at the brother's house (DP's brother) if that is where he stays when he's not with you?

[DeadButDelicious]

To answer your questions, no he doesn't contribute towards food, bills or housework.

I bet he doesn't.

Don't give up your independence and security to rent with this man. It won't be worth it. I'd get rid to be honest, it sounds to me like he's out for what he can get.

If my parents offered to buy me a 3 bed (I'd take 2 to be honest) house I'd snap their hand off and I think you should too. Take care of your family.

[sunshinesally11]

@ChicChaos Yes he does.

[Delphigirl]

You need to be very careful if you do buy another house with your parents contribution that he doesn’t later claim that you bought it to be a family house with him, in which he was intended to be a co-owner, that your parents contributed that sum as a gift to both of you, and that he has financially contributed by “renovating” the property (ie painting a room or putting up a shelf). I can’t tell you how many times I have seen those cases going through the courts. If you buy a house ensure you email him, your parents, your sister, your best mate AND get the solicitor to document it that (I) the house is in your sole name because you are the only beneficial owner (ii) DP has made no financial or other contribution to the purchase of the house; (iii) DP has no interest in the house and neither of you intend that he should gain any interest in the house and (iv) your parents’ contribution is a gift to you and you only and they do not intend your DP to benefit.
To be extra safe you should either continue to take no money from him as a household contribution (and do not let him pay utilities or council tax) or tell him that since he is staying there so often he needs to pay rent of £x per week as a lodger and put that in writing as well - using the words rent and lodger.

His reaction to your requests will tell you quite a lot about how he views the relationship. You need to ensure your own and your childrens financial security and a decent man would understand that.

[bigbaggyeyes]

Of course yanbu. He can't expect your dp to provide him and his dc a house. He sounds selfish and jealous.

Do what's best for you and your dc.