All in my head or is it abuse?

[PurpleRainStorm1987]

Ok so ive been married for 12 years, ive 3 young children (2 under 5 and 1 who is 6yrs old) my 6 yr old has learning and behavioural disabilities.
My husband has me constantly doubting my own mind, im an argument or if i say i dont like something he has done he twists it so that its my fault or ive made it up, it didnt happen how i remember it.
He also shouts and screams at our eldest son when he wont do as he is told, he slams his fist down on the table next to him or the sofa, or the kitchen worktop, whichever he is near. He has slammed my sons door shut so hard that the entire handle has fallen off. Pictures have fallen from the walls, there are cracks around every door frame. He says things like he is done dealing with our son. Im always the one to calm our son down, who screams mummy mummy when husband gets angry, son is scared. Husband will drag him to where son is supposed to be (like if ive called him through to the livingroom & he hasnt come) by his arms & sometimes by arm & tshirt. Our son constantly says thinks like he wants a different daddy & daddy is nasty & daddy needs to go away.
I raise it with husband & he twists it all saying he didnt drag by arms he was holding hands, yet i clearly saw red marks on sons arms, husband says they werent there, not possible & im seeing things. I doubt my own mind.
What do i do? I have no job, he convinced me it would be better me staying home with the kids, no car, nothing, im solely reliant upon him.

You need to call social services OP he is abusing your son

Protect your children. Seek help. This will only get worse as the children get older and larger.

None of this is acceptable!

It’s abuse.
Do you have neighbours who can hear the shouting and screaming?

@Quartz2208

You need to call social services OP he is abusing your son

Social services have already been involved once after the first lockdown when they removed husband from our home. He was allowed back as long as he got anger management help, counselling & upped his antidepressants. I called them that time & reported him. He found out that it was me by going through my phone without me knowing and reading messages on fb messenger that i had sent to a friend who was supporting me.

@nimbuscloud

It’s abuse. Do you have neighbours who can hear the shouting and screaming?

Yep both sides even though we are detached

Call them again.

He is abusing your son and gaslighting/coercive controlling you.

Sooner or later school will notice marks/bruises on your sons arms and will call social services. You need to make the call, today. Your husband is a child abuser and a bully.

Call them again… today! Protect your children,

Then call them again because it hasnt helped because if the school do they may remove him

And the police OP if you really need help

Pardon my lack of tact, but has he hit you yet? Because a man with this kind of temperament only goes one way...

Are you going to watch your son being abused for years like my mother did and do nothing? Like me he will not grow up to be a normal happy human being and will need psychiatric drugs to cope.

@SimplySteveRedux

Pardon my lack of tact, but has he hit you yet? Because a man with this kind of temperament only goes one way...

No he hasnt hit me ever. Just our eldest son & things in the house

Protect your child and get rid of this loser.

“Just our eldest son” Jesus Christ protect your child from this abuse before you lose your children completely

You know what you have to do op
Get some support around you ,it's time to make waves I'm afraid
Come clean to your friends, family and even the school if you have to . Word of caution, don't go to his family - you think they are on your side but often you find blood is thicker than water in these situations.
Sorry I know it will be hard and I'm not pretending it won't, but you HAVE to protect your children.

My mother used to watch my father that to me and my oldest brother. We didn't grow up ok. Please get rid of him. Your children need you to protect them.

Who owns the property you live in. Can you stay with someone while you find somewhere else to live.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Are you going to watch your son being abused for years like my mother did and do nothing? Like me he will not grow up to be a normal happy human being and will need psychiatric drugs to cope.

I never want this to happen to my son, i had an emotionally abusive parent & since being with my husband im permanently on antidepressants. He uses my childhood upbringing against me as a reason im so “sensitive” and see things not as he intended them. I now have a diagnosis of boarderline personality disorder, along with anxiety & depression. Ive been made to doubt myself so much i dont know who i am anymore. I cannot watch it happen to my son as well. He is totally different with our daughter but she is very chilled, self sufficient even if she is only 3. We also have a 5 week old newborn my husband helps out in the night with as well as getting up to sort out our eldest son who will get out of bed around 8-16 times every night. He isnt a dad that does nothing, he is also The breadwinner, he has full control over everything.

Your son is being abused. You need to protect him

@Bananalanacake

Who owns the property you live in. Can you stay with someone while you find somewhere else to live.

We are both on the mortgage

@Bananalanacake

Who owns the property you live in. Can you stay with someone while you find somewhere else to live.

I dont have anyone else. I have my family but they convinced me to stay last time, my eldest doesnt deal well with change at all, i dont want to move any of us from our home. I have 1 friend her house is full.

He is abusing your children.
Whatever else he is he is an abuser.

It will escalate.

Can you contact Woman's Aid?

Call womens aid op they will help you leave and get you back on your feet. I felt the same way as you worn down, no job etc and I called them and they were so lovely. My ex moved out of the house so I'm at home but they offered me a refuge place if I ever needed it.

Guarantee if he fucks off your mental health issues would lesson too. You need him out.

Please protect your children op. This is not all in your head, It's real, it's abuse!

Your poor son.
Your husband sounds very aggressive and violent. I would be scared to live with him, worried when his next outburst would come.

Can you contact SS again.
Obviously if you or your children are in danger call the police.