Inappropriate Photo

[allthevowels]

My daughter is in Year 9 at secondary school, she uses social media a lot. Especially Snapchat. She sometimes takes photos of people’s posts on Snapchat using my phone, then sends them to herself. Usually because she doesn’t want the person to know she has taken a screenshot. This in itself is not acceptable to me and she knows this! Usually she deletes the photo from my phone and recently deleted, when she’s sent it to herself. However, this time, it’s still in recently deleted! It’s a picture of a boy lying on his bed, he is fully clothed from the chest down, however, it clearly shows an erection through his trousers with the caption “You are so fuckin beautiful”. I have no idea from the image, who this person is.

How would you deal with this?

1. A chat about online safety and behaviour without mentioning the photo etc

1. Show her the photo and explain why it’s not appropriate to send these images and/or share them etc

1. Leave it and say nothing!

@Aquamarine1029 I’m not downplaying, I just very quickly replied that no one was naked, before this thread became hijacked by people thinking I was sharing naked pictures of boys on my phone. I am just re-reading everyone’s replies now.

The erection makes it inappropriate and your dd being a child won't mean that she won't get in trouble for owning this pic and sending it on.

I agree with @TotorosCatBus and also how much does she actually know about this boy? Is he the same age? He could be a lot older.
Anything could be going on.

It could all be totally innocent but it's important to have a chat with her about it all.

I don't think we are hijacking it by warning you what the consequences could be of it being on your phone so you could have it professionally wiped and I think we all knew what you meant about her taking a photo using your phone to send to hers. It is still a sexualised image whether clothed or not.

I think people are trying to be supportive, at least I was rather than hijak the thread

I think that one of the main issues here also is consent. Your daughter is sneakily saving images without the permission of the people in them. I honestly think you need to talk to her about this. Why is she saving them? For what purpose?
Aside from the fact that she could get you into serious trouble for circulating inappropriate images of children, this would worry me too that she doesn't seem to realise that storing images (and maybe sending/showing to others?) without consent is underhand at best.

Your daughter needs to understand if someone reported her to the police and she was found to have a photo or shared a photo of a boy that was underage and inappropriate she would be put on the sex offenders register and school are informed by the police. I know of this as a teacher told me they get info through, usually 6th form boys with pics of younger girls.

@allthevowels

Hey, I can see why this would be a shock to you! My input is, as a female that has grown up through the Snapchat and social media "era", scarily, it's far more common than you realize in the sense that guys are VERY forward from a young age in approaching girls like that.

I feel as though I've experienced an image similar, which is disgusting I know. It's true that people can get notified of screenshotting and it's almost a norm in that generation, so she obviously didn't want him to know she had.

At this stage, for all, you know this guy has been or was trying to pursue your daughter, and she took a picture of it from your phone to show a friend maybe for a giggle?
I'm being completely transparent and straightforward based on my own experiences. I also have a younger sister who is probably of similar age to your daughter who is honest and open about these types of situations, which we choose to educate her on correctly and she now is fully aware of the dangers and how to act when using a public platform as such.

I know you're probably tempted but please don't go in all guns blazing because I assure you, that never works. I've had and experienced friends with strict parents who would jump to deleting social media pages, grounding, taking their phone, or even publicly outing their child but all they did was create a secretive and extremely curious child that ended up doing those things anyway and if you think they aren't, your wrong.

Your best bet is to calmly communicate with her, make her feel comfortable enough to open up to you, and then explain to her in ways that what she is doing is very inappropriate so that you can educate her and she will then know better how to handle these situations x

I’d want to go through her phone to see what else she’d been looking at.

Bloody hell, I didn’t even think of the borderline child pornography that’s been on your phone. PPs are right, I’d be absolutely raging. Ignore my PP.

Thank you for clarifying @StyleAndLasers and @TakeYourFinalPosition I thought the OP meant the daughter was using the OP's snapchat account to SS rather than her own as the boy wouldn't know who had taken the SS

As others have said still not ideal to have that photo on your phone

Serious conversation with your DD required. You could be in a massive fucking heap of trouble for possessing a picture of an underage boy with an erection.

I'm not even going to apologise for being blunt. Your DD needs to know that this is illegal and should be very, very sorry.

@Colourmeclear

Wow, I'm so glad Snapchat wasn't a thing when I was a teenager. I would say 2 and 1 and also. I'd also be quite concerned that you could get into trouble for sharing indecent images of under age persons or holding indecent images. The whole thing makes me feel uncomfortable. Definitely not a easy thing to deal with and don't envy you for having to approach it.

This !!!!

Seriously what she has done could get you into a lot of trouble. I would Snapchat, change your passcode on your phone, put strict settings on her phone then educate her regarding the law around the sharing of images, even if it was unintentional.

@MissDoomAndGloom Absolutely! I agree with you. I was a child who lied and hid things from my parents as they were strict. I don't want that for my child.

Although not very tech savvy with regards to Snapchat, I know that this type of thing is what happens a lot from things my daughter has told me about her friends etc and I know from my friends children who have seen or done similar.

I've had some fantastic advice from every comment and I am very grateful. I posted here, because of exactly what you said..... I really don't want to go in heavy handed and cause more problems later on.

I am annoyed at the fact she has taken a photo of an image that she has been sent (assumption as I am looking at a photo of a photo), avoiding the person who sent it from knowing that she now has this image forever.

I am annoyed that she has probably sent this to her friend for a laugh and a ooooh look what he sent me moment, when her friend has a horrendous track record for sharing images on social media and screenshots/photo's etc she has been sent in this type of situation and ends up sharing them around the school. It should not of been sent to anyone.

I am annoyed on behalf of this boy, it is totally unfair on him, that this could potentially be shared around school. (Although, he did choose to send it, without being completely confident that, that would not happen).

My daughter is socially and emotionally immature and does have additional emotional and social needs so I do need to handle this with care.

I don't want to push her away further, embarrass her in a way that it will close off communication for the future, but I do need to try and make her understand that this is not acceptable behaviour.

I have talked to her so many times about this type of thing, but she really does not understand. I am not taking her phone away, although, I would love too, as it is all she has materially and all she cares about.

Thank you all!

Just for information even if the image is deleted if the police were to for any reason seize your phone and have it forensically examined the image would be found still and given the likely ages of the children involved would be a criminal offence. Also you think she’s done it before - pictures could potentially be similar or worse. Now I’m not saying this is likely to happen but think it’s important your daughter is aware that it is a criminal offence to forward a sexualised picture of a child (making and distributing indecent images) and the consequences of such a conviction. Many of her friends will be doing it so it’ll feel normal to her but it really shouldn’t be viewed as such.

@Allllchange Yes everyone is being very supportive, I am very grateful. I was just worried, having seen it on previous threads before.

I hope you understand that paedaphiles create accounts as younger boys to trap girls for sexual gratification. There could be a lot more to this?

@Taffydog There are 12 pictures in my recently deleted folder, the other 11 are of messages, not the content, just the message list showing the names of the people she has messages from. Goodness knows what else has been done in the past. But my password has now been changed and she will no longer be allowed access to my phone.

@IAmDaveTheSerialShagger This has crossed my mind, however, based on the assumption that the previous photo's were a list of names, I think it is from one of the boys in the list. All of the boys are Year 9 - Year 11 so aged 13 - 16.

Block Snapchat for a start.

If she can't behave responsibly then she can't have it.

That’s a sexualised image of a minor on your phone. That is very dangerous territory to be in. Minor sending pictures to minors may not be prosecuted in reality but adults certainly will. She need to understand that.

Sharing pictures of Snapchat's people don't realise she has is nasty and ultimately may backfire nastily on her. She forwards the wrong picture to the wrong person and she could end up loosing all her 'mates'

That’s a sexualised image of a minor on your phone. That is very dangerous territory to be in. Minor sending pictures to minors may not be prosecuted in reality but adults certainly will. She need to understand that

For this reason, please stop letting her do this! you could land yourself in very hot water! and explain that to her please, what if this were to come to light that you had a picture of a 14yr old boy topless with an erection on your phone?

[quote MissDoomAndGloom]@allthevowels

Hey, I can see why this would be a shock to you! My input is, as a female that has grown up through the Snapchat and social media "era", scarily, it's far more common than you realize in the sense that guys are VERY forward from a young age in approaching girls like that.

I feel as though I've experienced an image similar, which is disgusting I know. It's true that people can get notified of screenshotting and it's almost a norm in that generation, so she obviously didn't want him to know she had.

At this stage, for all, you know this guy has been or was trying to pursue your daughter, and she took a picture of it from your phone to show a friend maybe for a giggle?
I'm being completely transparent and straightforward based on my own experiences. I also have a younger sister who is probably of similar age to your daughter who is honest and open about these types of situations, which we choose to educate her on correctly and she now is fully aware of the dangers and how to act when using a public platform as such.

I know you're probably tempted but please don't go in all guns blazing because I assure you, that never works. I've had and experienced friends with strict parents who would jump to deleting social media pages, grounding, taking their phone, or even publicly outing their child but all they did was create a secretive and extremely curious child that ended up doing those things anyway and if you think they aren't, your wrong.

Your best bet is to calmly communicate with her, make her feel comfortable enough to open up to you, and then explain to her in ways that what she is doing is very inappropriate so that you can educate her and she will then know better how to handle these situations x[/quote]
Hang on a minute, I'm as pro women as they come but don't disregard what the daughter did. She took a photo using someone else's phone to hide the fact that she had done so and then distributed it. If it was a male child taking copies of Snapchat of a girl this would be very different

@Crockof I can hang on all day, when and where did I once disregard what the daughter had done?

My advice was aimed at @allthevowels who as the mother will choose how to handle this situation based off of what she deals appropriate as well as me telling of my own experiences.

Your dds behaviour is very creepy, that would be my main worry.

Secondly I'd worry about the legality of it all. I'm no legal expert but it's my layman's understanding that IF a sexual offence was committed it could be deemed that you also committed an offence by facilitating the offence to happen. Since you're a responsible adult, it's your phone and you're aware of what's happening.

I think you have to be very swift and proactive in ending this.

Oh Jesus this is leaving you wide open to having an issue regarding inappropriate images being shared from your phone - it doesn't matter if they're deleted after, they've been there and that's enough.

She needs to stop using your phone immediately.

She needs to understand that if she is sharing images of herself and other people that she is sharing indecent images potentially and this is against the law and has quite a stigma.

She needs to understand the dangers of images of herself and others being leaked out there - it's firstly mortifying, you can't get rid of them and it's damaging now and for her future careers etc.

Try not to go in all guns blazing and have an open and honest conversation and see if you can get to the truth of what's going on and come to a compromise that she's going to be safe but can still use her social media and do what teenagers do.