Inappropriate Photo

[allthevowels]

My daughter is in Year 9 at secondary school, she uses social media a lot. Especially Snapchat. She sometimes takes photos of people’s posts on Snapchat using my phone, then sends them to herself. Usually because she doesn’t want the person to know she has taken a screenshot. This in itself is not acceptable to me and she knows this! Usually she deletes the photo from my phone and recently deleted, when she’s sent it to herself. However, this time, it’s still in recently deleted! It’s a picture of a boy lying on his bed, he is fully clothed from the chest down, however, it clearly shows an erection through his trousers with the caption “You are so fuckin beautiful”. I have no idea from the image, who this person is.

How would you deal with this?

1. A chat about online safety and behaviour without mentioning the photo etc

1. Show her the photo and explain why it’s not appropriate to send these images and/or share them etc

1. Leave it and say nothing!

2 and also 1 regarding the safety and behaviour

Yes you need to show her the picture and explain why it's not appropriate,

I wouldn't be letting her do what she's doing. It's sneaky and mean

Wow, I'm so glad Snapchat wasn't a thing when I was a teenager. I would say 2 and 1 and also. I'd also be quite concerned that you could get into trouble for sharing indecent images of under age persons or holding indecent images. The whole thing makes me feel uncomfortable. Definitely not a easy thing to deal with and don't envy you for having to approach it.

She will probably die with embarrassment if you show her the picture. I don’t really think that’s necessary.

Definitely have a chat about it not being a good thing if someone essentially shows your their knob on Snapchat.

1 and 2.
She needs to understand and accept that this is not a safe or responsible way to behave, especially on your phone.
That’s a sexualised image of a minor on your phone. YOUR phone.
Not an easy discussion, but a necessary one, I think.
Good luck.

Christ. So Snapchat shows you screenshotted a pretty inappropriate photo of a boy... and it’s now been saved on your phone. If his parents happen to see that, it could make for some awkwardness...

I wouldn’t let her use my phone again. And I’m not sure I’d be happy with her using Snapchat if she can’t use it responsibly. If that’s what she’s being sent, what is she sending?

This has potential nightmare written all over it from many angles.

You could also point out to her that it’s illegal to possess explicit pictures of under 18’s and that she’s passing what would be considered child abuse pictures via your phone.

Definitely have strong words about this. He's sent that image to her? I'd hate to imagine their discussion!
The first two points go hand in hand. This image is prime example of why the discussion needs to happen. Tell her you what you've seen, don't be vague. What if she sends something equally as revealing back? Point 3 would not be an option for me. Internet safety is so important, you don't want her being in a vulnerable place where there's photos out there forever.
Do not let her have your phone. It's such a good point about you having an image of a minor with an errection on your phone. That's put you in a terrible position.

@TakeYourFinalPosition no, there's no screenshotting going on. The op is saying that to avoid this, her daughter is taking a photo of the snap using her mum's phone.

Op - it's 1 & 2 for me and if she cant take steps to keep herself safe online, you'll be taking the steps yourself and deleting Snapchat . That's what I'd be telling my 14 year old

There are a few things concerning about this. One obviously not having the boundaries or understanding of what is appropriate. But even more, why is she taking the photos of it? Is it to redistribute to others. This is a criminal offence. It's on your phone meaning you have a photo of a naked minor on your phone. Even if it is deleted the police can retrieve it and you could end up in serious trouble with them. Is she also doing the same and sending images?. I think you need to have a serious chat with her but so it whilst driving or something like that as teenagers tend to open up more then or you could watch a documentary or movie about sexting and the consequences.

1 and 2.

Though embarrassing to her, having a "screenshotted" picture of a minor on your phone could end badly for you. She needs to understand the dangers of her actions.

@Allllchange

There are a few things concerning about this. One obviously not having the boundaries or understanding of what is appropriate. But even more, why is she taking the photos of it? Is it to redistribute to others. This is a criminal offence. It's on your phone meaning you have a photo of a naked minor on your phone. Even if it is deleted the police can retrieve it and you could end up in serious trouble with them. Is she also doing the same and sending images?. I think you need to have a serious chat with her but so it whilst driving or something like that as teenagers tend to open up more then or you could watch a documentary or movie about sexting and the consequences.

I agree with this

I would also take her phone off her

And change the password on your phone

So does snapchat now have a record that an adult's account took a screenshot of a child's account? I don't think it will now what the image was though will it?

If so that's very dodgy and could cause all kinds of problems

First, I would change the settings on my phone so she couldn't get into it, camera included! It's your phone and she has no authorisation to use it. Then definitely have a chat about the inappropriateness of taking/sharing pictures without consent, especially those kinds of pictures.

You need to speak to her about this.

She is an (at most) 14 year old girl clearly engaging in sexualised chat online but it's also progressed to the pictures stage. She's then being incredibly underhand about "saving" images that the people she is talking to think have been deleted. Not only is that dodgy as fuck but it also suggests that she's asking for those images too.

She could really get herself (and you seeing as she's using your phone) into a lot of trouble if this continues.

I think the child is taking a photo with her mother’s phong of the photo on her own phone. And then sending the photo to herself. So the op’s phone is now being used to send sexual images of a child to another child.

@ChampagneJam

So does snapchat now have a record that an adult's account took a screenshot of a child's account? I don't think it will now what the image was though will it?

If so that's very dodgy and could cause all kinds of problems

No, because nobody took a screenshot. The DD used her mum's phone to take a photo of her own screen, and then sent the photo to herself. Not saying it isn't concerning, just that no screenshots were taken. The OP still had/had the picture of the screen on her phone, it just wasn't a screenshot...it was a shot of a screen.

To the pp - we don't know how old the boy is. Perhaps he's over 16.

It is difficult with a teenager as you don't want to be harsh in case she starts to do this stuff in secret.

You could put a password on your phone and not let her use it. Tell her why.

Make sure she knows about boys blackmailing girls who send 'personal' pics. Sure she can look (how will you stop her?) but in no way should she send any of herself.

Be open about online bullying etc and keep the lines of communication open so she feels able to confide in you.

Thank you for your replies! Very helpful!

To clarify…… My phone was used to take a photo of a photo on another device. No image has been saved on Snapchat of a minor using my details.

No one is naked. The boy is fully clothed.

An underage boy in boxers with an erection probably counts as child pornography which is illegal to have on a phone and to send on.

I'd be telling your dd that she can't use your phone to do this anymore

@ChampagneJam Snapchat records when you screenshot any account, not just "adult" ones. There's no "child" accounts on Snapchat, really.

but @AramintaArrowsmith is right, I misinterpreted. DD is using her mum's phone to take a photo of her own, so that Snapchat doesn't tell the boy that a screenshot has been taken.

So at least Snapchat doesn't think you are screenshotting, and the boy doesn't know yet, but you're now sending sexualised images of children to other children...

And it's pretty underhand of your DD. It's incredibly naive of anyone to send photos on Snapchat and expect them to stay private, but teens do...

Honestly I think I'd delete her Snapchat for this, and I say that as someone who is a big believer that social media is here to stay, and keeping kids away from it for too long does give them a disadvantage. She's somehow both incredibly naive about photo security, and highly underhand in saving "disappearing" photos that someone else has sent and believes haven't been saved.

To clarify…… My phone was used to take a photo of a photo on another device. No image has been saved on Snapchat of a minor using my details.

The photo is still on YOUR phone. And sent from your phone to a child's phone.

No one is naked. The boy is fully clothed.

Irrelevant. It is still a highly sexualised image. The child has a visible erection, FGS.

Good point @UseOfWeapons tell your daughter you saw the his picture on your phone it might make her more wary to do the same, it could end up on anyone's phone, pictures on Snapchat can be screenshot and sent to anyone.

I’ve changed the password on my phone too! I’m just re-reading all your replies! Thank you for all your suggestions, I am formulating a plan!

I see the boy is fully clothed but the erection would make it something that would land you and your dd in trouble with the police. It is illegal to have pics like that of an underage person on your phone even if you didn't ask for it. Sending it on is also unacceptable.
Why does your dd want this pic ? I'd be concerned that she owns multiple inappropriate images like this which would get her in trouble with the police if others knew