So angry at her.....sorry long rant

[smithfield]

Don't know where to start really as Im angry at what is happening now, but think its all linked with stuff over the years.

My ds is getting christened on sunday, and I asked my sister to be godmother. Its been hard organising this as im heavily pregnant, working full time, have ds to look after and dh works long hours six days a week.
My sister doesnt have kids, lives with my dad, and her only responsibility is her 3 days per week job (working for my brother) and renovating the house she just bought with her boyfriend.
Yesterday I had my mum on the phone saying I really ought to talk to my sister as she doesnt know what is happening with the christening. I then find out she is flying up from london and has booked in to a hotel at the airport and has arranged for my mum to pick her up (my mum doesnt live here either but is driving up on the friday).
After managing to get no details from her via text, replies such as 'mums picking me up so don't worry' (what time) 'dont know cos I got to check in' (what time)...I finally called her to have her yell down the phone and say I was just trying to pick a fight and she was 'trying' to eat her dinner.
I feel so angry, hurt, let down....I dont think asking what time she will arrive is too much to ask. I find it really odd that she has made her time spent here as minmal as possible and despite the fact her Bf is not coming has still chosen to fly up on her own and stay in a hotel.
I am left second guessing if she will turn up at all, and I guess I am tempted to ask someone else to be godmother...not out of spite but so I can relax and not rely on someone who so obviously doesn't really see the role as the honor its should be.

Sorry for the rant but I feel incredibly low and lonely atm. Just dont have anyone to turn to....except you lovely cyber mums

Glad it seems to be working out.

I'm stillin touch with one gm - no relation, but good friend with my mother - gf is my uncle so also still in touch. Dp in touch with his gf still - also no relation.

Ds's godparents are: v good friend of my (bridesmaid, friend from Uni), v good friend of dh (friend from uni) and two joint friends - we're their dd's godparents (although my dh thought it was a bit rich becoming a gp as he is effectively agnostic!)

Hope that your family issues don't cloud the day - at least now you know that you will have godparents turning up come what may!

Thanks- Mistlethrush- Thing is I should be used to this by now. similar rubbish for my wedding, any major event.

But your right- weight of my mind for the day itself and I actually think I really asked two people that should have been asked at the beginning which is nice.

Think I'm going to stop chasing my sister for a relationship/friendship from now on and leave her to it.

Thanks again Baffy for your support

Why do I ask?

Because if she can't, for whatever reason, and desperately wants them, she might find being around you difficult. It doesn't sound like you have an open, sharey sort of sister relationship, on either side, so I doubt she'd confide in you.

Just worth considering that she might not be fawning all over you because it hurts too much, that's all.

Plus where you said that she "so obviously doesn't really see the role as the honour is should be" does sound a bit precious, tbh.

Aha, you said "wedding" - I bet you said lots of things like "it's my day, why can't people just do x, y and z for me" didn't you?

Hunkermunker- wow you must be some kind of soothsayer that can read peoples personalities so well. Lucky you! Guess I can't say to you what I'd really like to, but then being the talent you are bet you can probably guess what that is anyway

That's a yes then

Well of course its a yes...

Hunkermunker - let me guess you are one of these women who trawl the threads using your superior intellect and intuition to scout out us fraudsters that feign they need support when really what they need is a good verbal stoning.
you cackle with delight as you encircle words in the script that support your insights (which of course no other poster would identify, being way too dull by comaprison to you)

So well done you- But now your work 'here' is done you can toddle off - (along with your cronies who admire your superior being so)
And get on with doing something useful.....Like sharpening your claws ready for your next victim

And so Doodulldull and hunkermunker move off cackl;ing with delight!

BTW you weren't the local school bullies too were you?

smithfield, you are being very rude to people who are offering their advice & trying to help you see things from a different perspective.

I am starting to understand why you & your sister don't have a great relationship.

And don't worry...I'll "toddle off" now too, as you obviously won't like the fact that I too, think YABU here.

I beg to differ...I dont believe a personal attack was necessary, and Im guessing this is how they generally behave

wow, i'm glad i'm not your sister..

That's a personal attack, you know - I could have it deleted, if I wanted.

I said two pretty innocuous things to you and asked you to consider that your sister might be hurting - and you launched a scathing attack on me.

I won't respond in kind, because there's no point. Anybody who's read your last few posts can see what sort of woman you are.

(I am Hunkermunker, btw)

No not offering a different perspective, but make assumptions based on....? Did not find any advice amongst those offerings at all.

I asked questions based on what you wrote and asked you to consider there might be more to it than you knew.

Pretty typical response to a thread, actually.

Yours, however, isn't.

MMJ- It did not come accross to me as a different perspective as, the fact I asked HM to clarify seemed to be green light for an attack on me personally.

Based on what on a hunch or an assumption, which I had already ruled out in my response.

She then elaborates by saying I obviously wouldnt know if it were the case.
I thought it was clear...we are certainly not close currently but were extremely close before hence the pain I am feeling now. Her chage in attitude is not due to infertility. If anyone wanted clarifiction as to how I know that they had only to ask.
If you want me answer why I am so sure...ask...dont assume

As for being called precious for believing the role of GM to be an honor,Yes I do see the role as an honor. If I were asked to be GM to my two nephews i would feel honoured by that. So if that makes me precious so be it.

As for the dig about weddings...I got married 12000miles away so, no family and we organised it all ourselves, which is what we prefferred to do. The day being spoilt was in reference to people close to me not wanting to attend because of their issues with each other.

The issues amongst my family are far deeper than I am willing to go into here, but just beacuse I choose not to share them does not mean they dont exist.

Her perspective is based on an assumption she knows more avout me, my family and background then she does. Assuming this probably was the case and I was not able to see that.
And yet I had included in my response that it was not the case.....so the whole attack on me of being oblivious to my sisters suffering- and being precious for calling the role of gparent

DD-you asked no questions at all- you made a statement

The only one doing attacking in any way is you smithfield.

You came on for a rant, you have received in reply a combination of advice, sympathy and alternative view points. If you only expect replies that follow your own view point to the letter then you are in the wrong place.

You can generally recognise questions by the ? at the end. Go back and look, DD/Hunker did ask questions.

Smithfield, your responses to me are out of all proportion to what I wrote.

I asked you to consider a different perspective and presented you with possible ways your sister might be feeling.

All you needed to do was say "No, I know for a fact that's not the case" and I'd have said fair enough.

Instead you launched into a massive assault on my integrity, which was both uncalled for and unseemly.

You obviously really do not want her to be a godparent now as it hasn't improved relations between you. I suggest you let her know & find yourself an alternative.

TBH, asking someone to be a godparent so it would make things better between you is not the right reason to ask them. I don't have a wonderful relationship with my siblings & for that fact alone, they weren't asked.

I choose my dd's godparents based on the time they spent with her, how they would show they cared for her, how they would raise her if anything happened to me & dh, how committed they would be to her wellbeing...not to improve relations.

Maybe she is just one of these people who doesn't feel it is that important & quite honestly, to some it really isn't.

smithfield

I would agree that this situation is long standing and goes far deeper than the christening itself. I think that you would agree with this premise.

Is your sister older or younger than yourself?.

I am wondering whether favouritism was shown by your parents towards a sibling to the exclusion of the other children.

Presumably your parents divorced bitterly if he cannot be in the same room as your Mother. It is a shame that they cannot put aside their differences for just one day and be civil to each other. Their actions have affected you all markedly and this is the result now.

Sg- Another perspective is fine- insinuations about who am as a person in the 'guise' of another perspective is not

DD- the only response I saw form you was 'thats a yes then'...how is that 'asking me to look at a different perspective'. It was a smug retort intended to ...well i dont know what but not helpful or supportive in any shape or form.

SC- I disagree- it was a perfect opportunity to make her feel part of my life and be involved with us. If she wasnt keen to do it she could have said she wasnt keen. That is besides the point now as thanks to some of the posters the immediate issue was resolved-