Hi mums. I posted a while ago about an ongoing issue but deleted it later (probably shouldn't have for documentation purposes).
I feel suffocated and unloved. I want to leave my marriage for following reasons:
- My husband has and never shows affection to me. He has probably hugged me only once before my due date but THATS ALL. Even if we kiss I am the one who ALWAYS initiates. He has never done it. He says he is not good with words but I have read his chats being all flirtatious with other women
- Speaking off, I caught him texting random women (probably from a website or a dating app) at the beginning of marriage, we had a fight and he apologised (plus gashlighted me but I was too young and naive to understand his manipulation). I then again read his messages months after marriage and it went on and on and now 4 years later I still see some messages from unknown number that he deletes. I cannot read his messages because of his phone lock I cant access his phone but I can see him chatting to women and then deleting messages. He even disappears often for a couple of hours making excuses so I dont know if he meets them
- Finances: We have absolutely zero trust when it comes to finances. I have a well paying job and so does he, but he never pays for anything for his daugher except her milk. He is saving every penny so he can build a house for HIS FAMILY (his parents and his brother) back home. He also suggests that we should move back home to raise our daughter DECENTLY so that she doesnt get too westernised in London
- No emotional support
- No physical intimacy. He has never gone down on me even once, despite asking multiple times. He suggests we should involve someone else to 'spice up' which I dont agree to as he is the only man I have ever been with
- Temperament issue. I am a very tame person and he is extremely rude and gets very verbally aggressive so we never have any argument because I am scared of him shouting at me
- He has absolutely degrading and disgusting views about women (except his mum and sisters). He has said awful stuff about liberal women such as they dont have respect. He also believes that women should not be believed when they accuse someone of rape because htey 'change their minds' at last minute and are confused
- He helps with household chores but always excepts something in return (e.g. money or financial help). If I dont then he'd throw it back at me.
and the list goes on. Above are all that came to my mind while typing.
NOW, last year I was THIS close to leaving because of a fight when he said that you can leave but if you take my daughter "I will choke you to death". I had to call the police. The police came and I went to a friends house to stay. He later came and apologized and I came back.
I am so exhausted, depressed and have zero sense of self worth or self esteem. He has emotionally torn me to pieces and I feel like if I leave I will have no self worth and I will be alone for the rest of my life. On top, he gets half custody and will take my daughter from me. (he's someone who will show a 1 year old nursery rhymes on phone for 2 HOURS when I am not around so naturally I am concerned about her well being).
We have another issue coming up as he wants to start building a house back home for his family and I DO NOT want to do that AT ALL. He doesnt even take my NO into consideration he doesn't give a f at all. Extreme apathy.
If we fight I will have to tell him that I will leave him if he starts building that house. and considering what happened last time I do not feel safe at all. I cannot leave the house without ANYTHING because of a toddler and she has tons of stuff. I dont want this to effect her. How do I leave this relationship 1) safely and 2) minimum impact on 1 year old DD.
Is there anyway I can make him leave temporarily while I pack everything and find a place that will take few weeks?
ANYTHING you can suggest or say will be super helpful. I don't know what to here I am totally lost.