Does your partner appreciate what you do? How does he show it?

[wangle99]

DH and I are having a few relationship issues, been together along time (married 13 years next Monday) Have suggested relate but he isn't really interested.

Same old story of feeling unappreciated. He insists he does appreciate what I do (which is pretty much everything) am wondering if perhaps I'm actually missing the point and expecting too much.

Do you appreciate your partner and how do you show it?

sigh any help gratefully received!

well, somehow, you two really need to communicate. i wonder how wildly different his own 'take' on this would be, without reading yours? dont try to guess what hes thinking - ask him. but give him time to think it through forst, id say. if you spring deep and meaningful questions on him willy nilly, youre not likely to get the response you hope for. ime. (am being flippant, sorry)

what do you want him to do to show his appreciation? have you told him? spelling it out might help.

He thanks me for making dinner (That's on the nights that he doesn't make it!!)

Actually I can't think of anything else

Wangle, sorry to hear things aren't good, and I don't think you are expecting too much - it's so important not to be taken for granted.

Could it be that you need to give him a chance to see what you do - if necessary by stopping doing it (or some of it) for a bit? (Someone told me that my DH had told a group of his mates that he wouldn't swap roles with me 'because I see how much she does'. Ha, ha, I just make a big amount of noise about my chores whenever he's around )

I don't think that men really understand how to "appreciate" until it's pointed out to them. I've had the same thing with DH since I've become a SAHM. He's getting much better though, and was all over me with gratitude because I let him have a lie-in on Sunday and ironed his shirts while he was in bed.

PS In return though I have to understand how being the sole earner is more stressful than having us both work, which is fair play in my book.

Does 'he' make dinner most of the time? Does he get any appreciation for this? What else does he do? Does he share childcare responsibilities? Appreciation is always two way. Appreciate the other person's effort and s/he would reciprocate. Try giving it and you'll get what you want.

Watching this thread with interest. All disputes/discussions/arguements/fights in our house boil down to me not feeling appreciated in my role and DH not really knowing hoe to appreciate me! Difficulty is, I don't know what I want him to do to show his appreciation!

My DH is normally quite good about showing his appreciation. He always comments on my cooking, just a quick, "mmm, tasty".

If I have had a stressful day then he makes me a cup of tea. Sometimes he will let me have a lie in at the weekend.

I do the same, he has a stressful job so needs a bit of pampering now and again.

When he goes shopping he often brings flowers home, this happens at least once a month. This is lovely, but tbh, just having him tell me that he appreciated me is just as good (but don't tell him that)

What would you find an appropriate gesture to show his appreciation? When our DCs were younger, he would take them out for the afternoon and let me have an hour in the bath. Some pampering time, time for yourself would perhaps be good.