Am I ok to feel amazingly pissed off at dh about this situation

[pinkexercisebike]

Sorry it's long,

Last year we were renting and had a house to sell that we used to live in before we started renting in a new area for dh job.
We had originally let it out but then the tenants moved out and there was work to do on the house so dh said let's sell it.

I said I don't want to sell it unless we buy a home with the sale proceeds because it's our only asset and place on the property market, it's also a form of income if we let it again. He said ok sure once we sell we will buy.

We sold last year November and I immediately started looking for a new house, we had £200k equity from the sale. I asked dh to come to see the properties and he kept refusing saying that house prices were meant to be dropping. I told him I don't care because with the stamp duty and rent payments we'd probably lose out anyway if we don't buy.

Fast forward to now and dh has refused to do anything about it, we are still in a rental and the SD Relief has gone and the properties are now so far from what we were looking at and are now well over £200k more in price for the same types of properties on the same roads. Without borrowing the extra £200k we won't be able to get what we were looking for. I've told him I feel sick about it all, on top of this we would have to pay c.£30k in stamp duty plus whatever we pay in rent, I'm so down about it all. It's literally upsetting me every day. I was always good with money and now I feel like my dh has lost everything we had and worse I don't even think we can afford the stamp duty as it would leave us with no savings.

Dh disagrees and said it's fine if I get a ft job well be able to borrow the money and get back to square one. I am very very angry. I do most of the child stuff and when he does he asks me constantly what to do, should he do it this way or that, does half a job every time.

I am so angry I can't even breath some days about it. I know I'll probably be told to calm down but Im starting to hate him over it. I feel like he's literally lost our chance of owning the family home we had planned and now he has the audacity to tell me to go and work to sort it out. I do work but pt and tbh I find that enough with everything else that goes on.
I don't even know how to make this better. I'm not sure I can. I actually liked our old house as well.

Where to buy I think OP said she put more info the original property which is now sold

'. I also put more than 50% in on the original deposit not that that bothers me but now the whole situation has annoyed me.'

It's good to get the money to a safer place. After it's secure I'd be seriously questioning this relationship. 😕 Especially now he's gone into the money in such a big way and not told you.

The first thing I’d do is make sure he can’t spend that money

I would be so furious and would have a complete loss of trust.

Financial security and transparency is a fundamental in a marriage.

Losing that would be a complete deal breaker and the marriage woùld be over.

Move that money OP and think long and hard about your future with someone so dishonest.

I feel the same Billy.

It's not so much the cash but the lying and dishonesty. The secretiveness, scuppering plans. It's total shit.

I’d be absolutely raging. Transfer the money, tell him he’s a liar and you dotn trust a word he says. Look at ft work. What would your options be buying on your own?

The missing 3k, yes you should investigate. However reading the op, it didn't read to me as a master plan to get the money. Yes, you could have done better maybe but the thing about real estate and all investments is that hindsight is 20/20. We all could make a killing if we knew about tomorrows trends today, if we bought shares in apple/google/etc back in the beginning. Practically everyone who has ever bought property has a story about "if only I bought this one back in x year/area".

I bought my first house and I was unsure about it but I wanted to get in the market, it turned out to be a lemon that haunted me for years. I spent so much time and money on it and sold it for only slightly more than I paid. I would have had way more money in bank if I just rented that whole time. I tried to buy my second home last year, and didn't want to make the same mistake again so I really took my time. Of course prices shot right up in that time. So I'm screwed again. Only difference is it's just my money in this case. That's just how it goes with real estate sometimes.

Just came on to say not to use Premium Bonds as you can transfer out of them very easily. They are instant access if you are using them online.

Once this is sorted, take control of the finances at least to the extent that you know where everything is and how much is it it. I trust my DH but he has little interest in finances. Sure I consult him, but I'd never leave important actions up to him if I could do them.

You haven’t lost everything, you haven’t lost anything in fact, at worst you have maybe missed an opportunity. Just like one of many opportunities as there have always been good times to buy and good times to sell.

You need to stop dwelling on something that you cannot change and deal with the situation as it is today, you still have £200k in the bank, a head start on many people.

April except the three grand the OP’s DH has spent without telling her.

Phineyj

Just came on to say not to use Premium Bonds as you can transfer out of them very easily. They are instant access if you are using them online.

My point was if they are Premium Bonds in Op's name, the husband cannot access them and "waste" any more of the capital meant for buying another property.

You still have £200k in the bank ...

Considering OP had been leaving the finances to her DH, I expect that's something she'll want to keep a check on
If £3k can unaccountably go missing, so potentially can the rest

It's not about the money.

It's about trust, honesty, transparency etc.

I'd be wondering what the 3k is for. Debts or a solicitor? With the request to go full time and the avoidance of buying a house, I wonder if he's planning to split.

@MrsTerryPratchett

I'd be wondering what the 3k is for. Debts or a solicitor? With the request to go full time and the avoidance of buying a house, I wonder if he's planning to split.

This is exactly when some people split. Far quicker when the proceeds of a house sale are in the bank.

With the request to go full time and the avoidance of buying a house, I wonder if he's planning to split

So would I ... it would also explain why whatever the £3k was for wasn't mentioned