Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Asked dp to leave, 20 weeks pregnant now he is totally ignoring me

55 replies

Nojudgments · 06/06/2021 08:59

Relationship has been very up and down for the last year . Been together 3 years. We both decided on a child and had been discussing the past 2 years, im now 20 weeks pregnant. I have 3 dc from ex dh. Thursday we had yet another horrid day together doing the garden dp kept threatening to not do it then he is, then he isn't. We went to bed that night both on non speaking terms. The next morning while at work I txt dp and asked him to leave cause I can't do this anymore this happens a lot then he usually comes back the next day. Well I had one message to say he will stay away and nothing since. He ha ignored all further messages from me. I have my scan next week and I don't know what is happening with him and its making me so anxious and I'm not sleeping at night at all.

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/06/2021 09:05

You broke up with him, by text, so I’m not surprised he’s gone quiet.

drpet49 · 06/06/2021 09:06

What did you expect? You asked him to leave. He’s gone and now your moaning he hasn’t messaged you.

TheVanguardSix · 06/06/2021 09:06

Maybe he finally realised that it is time to leave. Maybe this really is the end of the road. All you can do is take things day by day. You can’t force his communication. You can’t make him be what you need him to be or come home for that matter.
Do you have support (parents, siblings, friends)?

user1483387154 · 06/06/2021 09:07

you told him leave, and he has done as you asked.

Mrbob · 06/06/2021 09:07

This sounds like a really toxic relationship. I am not entirely sure why it seemed a good idea to bring a child into it but I guess it is done now. It sounds like you would be much better off apart

MichelleScarn · 06/06/2021 09:07

Does he usually live with you or still has his own place?

grapewine · 06/06/2021 09:08

He had a breakup text and decided this time he didn't want to come back. When the baby is here deal with the parental practicalities.

ThatOtherPoster · 06/06/2021 09:08

Why did you decide to get pregnant when your relationship was already up and down?

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 06/06/2021 09:10

Sounds like you are the responsible one looking after the home, family and everything whilst he does what he wants and then gives you the silent treatment.
He isn't adult enough to speak to you, I don't know if his things are at your house. Text him a date when he can come and get them and apply for CMA and then stop having kids by feckless men.

KateTheEighth · 06/06/2021 09:10

He's doing what you told him to do, surely

ThatOtherPoster · 06/06/2021 09:12

I just reread. So you texted him on a Friday and, in effect, gave him the weekend off being with you and your 3 DC, and having to do your garden. No wonder he’s ignoring your messages now - I bet he’s having a whale of a time.

user1493494961 · 06/06/2021 09:14

Great idea to add another child to the drama.

LivingLaVidaCovid · 06/06/2021 09:16

You rightly asked him to leave as it doesn't sound like a good environment for you or your existing 3 children to live in.

He isn't their father has been in their lives I'm guessing 2 years or less? And has no real obligation to them.

He has left.

What are you expecting from him?
Personally I'd be happy he wasn't harassing me and I'd be filing my CMS claim while boxing up his stuff...

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 06/06/2021 09:19

What's happening is that this relationship doesn't work and is over, and he's had enough of the silly dance where you ask him to leave without really meaning it.

HeddaGarbled · 06/06/2021 09:22

The next morning while at work I txt dp and asked him to leave cause I can't do this anymore this happens a lot then he usually comes back the next day

That’s a strikingly poor way of (not) dealing with problems in your relationship.

He’s calling your bluff. Whether he’ll keep it up permanently remains to be seen, but whatever happens, you need to have a good long think about how to improve your conflict resolution skills.

Azerothi · 06/06/2021 09:22

Those poor children. What a terrible way for you to treat your 3 children. Protect your children and let this current boyfriend stay away for good. You obviously don't like him.

ProudPolyGradSingleMum · 06/06/2021 09:24

You split up with him by these and he’s doing what you asked.

Once the baby is here go to CMS and set up a contact schedule.

ProudPolyGradSingleMum · 06/06/2021 09:24

Text

Sorry.

Original poster

Nojudgments · 06/06/2021 09:45

Yes some of his stuff is here , its another silly argument I hate the not knowing , not all his things 3 big bags of clothee

OP posts:

ArtfulScreamer · 06/06/2021 10:08

@Mrbob

This sounds like a really toxic relationship. I am not entirely sure why it seemed a good idea to bring a child into it but I guess it is done now. It sounds like you would be much better off apart

This!!!!

SleepingStandingUp · 06/06/2021 10:10

You need to text him and ask when he's coming to collect his things and to talk about how you'll co-parent going forward.

Is he working? Has he contributed to the baby at all? Do you want him at the birth? How often does he want to see the baby? etc.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/06/2021 10:19

What do you not know? You ditched him. BY TEXT. That’s just not an okay way to behave.

If you want him at the scan then remind him when it is and he’ll show up or not.

If you wanted a proper conversation about breaking up and next steps that’s what you should have done. He’s the father of this apparently planned baby, you should be able to have a calm reasonable talk about what you both want and how to achieve it. Instead, you’ve acted rashly and now he’s off licking his wounds, having a think or letting his hair down and having a party now he’s free of responsibilities.

Rather than musing and losing sleep, why not make a plan of what if anything you need to do, for yourself, your kids and your pregnancy, if he doesn’t come crawling back.

Fizzgigg · 06/06/2021 10:20

@Nojudgments

Yes some of his stuff is here , its another silly argument I hate the not knowing , not all his things 3 big bags of clothee

It's not a silly argument and you not knowing. It's a break up. And you do know what's happening. You dumped him so he's left.

category12 · 06/06/2021 10:22

Don't you think it's time to stop dealing with arguments in such a ridiculous way? If you go for the nuclear option of breaking up every time you fight, then you have crap relationship skills that you need to work on.

And you have 3 children already, don't you think you should be showing them better than this? It's not fair on them to have a stepdad moving in and out at random and all this relationship drama going on.

It sounds like you would be better off living apart and trying to work out good co-parenting and your relationship issues outside of your home. Stop putting your kids through it.

inappropriateraspberry · 06/06/2021 10:25

Sounds like you've cried wolf too many times and he's calling your bluff. I think you were silly to have a child with him when you don't live together and the relationship isn't very strong anyway.
Accept that he's left and start getting yourself and your family in a better place.

Flip

1 2 3