Asked dp to leave, 20 weeks pregnant now he is totally ignoring me

[Nojudgments]

Relationship has been very up and down for the last year . Been together 3 years. We both decided on a child and had been discussing the past 2 years, im now 20 weeks pregnant. I have 3 dc from ex dh. Thursday we had yet another horrid day together doing the garden dp kept threatening to not do it then he is, then he isn't. We went to bed that night both on non speaking terms. The next morning while at work I txt dp and asked him to leave cause I can't do this anymore this happens a lot then he usually comes back the next day. Well I had one message to say he will stay away and nothing since. He ha ignored all further messages from me. I have my scan next week and I don't know what is happening with him and its making me so anxious and I'm not sleeping at night at all.

When you asked him to leave, did you mean it?

It's not a 'silly argument', though, is it? You're a mother of three, you've got another one on the way, and dumped the father by text (!) and now you're fancying about, wittering on about the 'not knowing' and wondering whether he'll come for his bing bags of stuff. So absurd, inadequate and adolescent. Focus solely on your children, present and future, and don't hurtle into another relationship.

fannying

I did at the time , I would have thought he would just block me ffs instead of leaving me hanging like this

You can't be serious. Is that how you operate? Because he hasn't actually blocked you, that's 'leaving you hanging'? There a facility to unblock a person, too. How would you describe that? Rekindling things?

So you asked him to stay away and that's what he did. Am I missing something?

I had one message to say he will stay away

How is that leaving you hanging? He told you he'll stay away (like you asked). Look, it sucks for you - but you also said this has happened a lot, maybe this was just one time too many for him.

This all seems so juvenile.

It does sound like you’re very immature.

You told him to stay away. He is. He’s ignoring you but hasn’t blocked you and that’s an issue? Maybe he’s not blocked you in case there’s an issue with the baby?

Hanging like what? You told him to leave - he left. If you didn't mean it you shouldn't have done it and had a conversation like adults. I also don't understand if relationship has been rocky why you thought it was a good idea to get pregnant. What a mess.

He has done exactly what you asked him to do and told you he would stay away.

He isn't leaving you hanging.
You played a game telling him you can't do it anymore expecting him to apologise and come back next day. Let him know scan dates etc and update him on baby. When baby is here make sure you get your maintenance and sort out visitation etc.

this happens a lot

He's probably fed up with it then.

How old are you OP?

I was juvenile like this too with boyfriends and before I had dc. Once I had dc , I could no longer play silly games. My dh pisses me off sometimes but we have to deal with it, talk it through and parent. If I acted how I did ten years ago - my dc would feel completely destabilised, with dh leaving and coming back. You seem to be playing a game , you expected him to run back to you the next day. I find the expectation to be blocked and that leaving you hanging bizarre !
You are a mum and need to step up. Do you want to be with him or not? If yes, sit down and talk about the issues and if you argue work on it , instead of pushing him out. If you don’t want to be together then discuss how to be good co parents.
Put your dcs welfare first from now on

@Nojudgments

I did at the time , I would have thought he would just block me ffs instead of leaving me hanging like this

Why are you hanging on? You asked him to leave because it’s a toxic relationship. You told him to leave and he left. Surely that means it’s over. It certainly doesn’t sound like a healthy environment for you or your children.

If it weren’t for the three children you already have and the fact you’re pregnant with a fourth, I’d have guessed your age at about fourteen or fifteen.

Don’t you think it’s time to grow up? You told him to leave and he’s left. What’s your problem with that?

I feel really sorry for your poor kids in all of this - I wish you’d give some thought to them too.

Why on earth are you bringing another child into this car crash?

You asked him to leave, so he did. Now you are pissed he hasn't come crawling back? Grow up!

Agree with pp, you sound about 14. Your poor kids.

Kindly OP, blocking you would have been the wrong thing, you are pregnant with his child and presumably he wants to know what's going on with the baby. But it does sounds like he's left for good, and that would be a good thing since this relationship is clearly doing neither of you any favours.

hes done what you asked.
I think its interesting that you told him to leave, but now youre wondering why hes ignoring you. Did you not want him to leave?

What is it you want? To split, or to sort it out? If you want to sort things out, then dont throw about threats about splitting

Agree with other posters that if you didn’t say you already have 3 children I’d have assumed that you were a teenager. My 14 year old daughter and her friends show more emotional maturity than you. This is not a healthy way to be in an adult relationship and it’s probably for the best that he appears to have called your bluff and ended it. Please concentrate on coparenting without the drama and focus on your 4 children.

I know how this all seems to people

@Nojudgments

I know how this all seems to people

It seems exactly what it is OP. I am talking from experience. I used to be the other side of the 'I want you to leave' I also believed nobody understood when people questioned why I kept going back. After many years of being told to leave, been expected to go back. One day I left for good. Ex didn't understand why I took him seriously the last time. The reason, I got sick of it. I learned it wasn't a healthy relationship or good for my DD to see. In the end after many years of being apart he admitted he told me to leave out of frustration to try to show how pissed off he was and that he took me for granted.

Op, I am now in a healthy relationship, a happy loving relationship. I learned the relationship with ex was just not what I thought it was. Before ex died he never had a relationship after me as he never learned to stop playing games. He had no contact with our DD as the games he played passed down to her.
I know how it is. I also know that you must stop saying 'leave' no matter how frustrated you are. My ex paid the ultimate price for his game playing - he could have had so much.

I am not being nasty in any way...I am being honest from experience.

I hope your kids are ok. As a child I would find this very upsetting and unstable.

Sounds like an awful relationship op. You text him, breaking up with him. He's not leaving you hanging, you've dumped him.

@Nojudgments

I know how this all seems to people

It seems exactly as it is. You dumped him by text and he's staying gone.