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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH 'slipped' and fell on me

101 replies

Mistyplanet · 03/06/2021 21:55

Don't know what to make of this whether im making a mountain out of a molehill or there was intention to hurt me. This evening I've come back from 5 days away with dc and my parents (holiday). Dh and i often don't get along but hes seemed fine this evening and generally making an effort. Dh was finishing settling our son upstairs but he wouldn't go to sleep so he brought him back downstairs hes 3. I hsd been relaxing on the sofa for 10 mins on my own. Dh came over as if he was going to sit down on the sofa but somehow fell so his full body weight went on my arm and shoulder. It really hurt so i shouted OW GET OFF ME! really loud. He kept saying he slipped but tbh i didnt see that happen i was looking at my phone so its possible but just seems weird to fall on me so hard like that. Also he didnt seem that apologetic just muttered sorry but kept saying he slipped and acted annoyed that i had shouted. After that he just sat next to me still really close not saying anything while i was sat in pain. I eventually got up and took my son to bed. Now i dont feel like going back down stairs for the evening and im going to sleep instead. Ive just started to wonder if he did this intentionally or what as it seems such a strange thing to happen and surely he should be more concerned that hed hurt me and apologetic? Please help.

OP posts:
cocoloco987 · 04/06/2021 06:05

I think even the fact you're thinking it is telling. In a happy non abusive relationship you wouldn't consider the deliberate part - you'd just assume he's embarrassed or something with that response. If you suspect it was on purpose you're probably right I'd say!

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 04/06/2021 06:07

Bottom line: you no longer trust him.

SunshineCake · 04/06/2021 06:38

@beachlife18

Very weird thread 🙄 he tripped and fell on you, he might of missed you and can't show his feelings
Utter nonsense.
Thewinterofdiscontent · 04/06/2021 06:47

Meh. You really don’t like him anymore and are angry about that.
100% projecting that back to him.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 04/06/2021 07:06

It sounds to me like he did this on purpose and wanted to do it in a way where it wasn't obvious violence so you wouldn't call the police. Very sly. I'd get ready to leave. This marriage sounds awful.

BestOfABadLot · 04/06/2021 07:16

I think this is sinister. He has a history of feeling entitled to your body in a way that hurts you. If you don't trust him there's probably a reason for that.

netstaller · 04/06/2021 07:17

@mamamalt

I'm really surprised at the answers here!! This is such a weird situation, you sound very hostile towards him, and if he feels the same way towards you then he's probably not going to grovel around being overly sympathetic because you got hurt. He said sorry, maybe he feels that's enough. Unless there is some huge abusive history you've left out, I think he say down wrong, sat on you and you reacted in a certain manner therefor he counteracted in similar.
This
Thewinterofdiscontent · 04/06/2021 07:19

Did your DH go on holiday with you?

Ifimight · 04/06/2021 07:28

This thread is fucking mad. You need to learn to forgive? He's physically grabbed her arse too hard on more than one occasion, (sexual assault) and now he's sat on her, whether accidentally or on purpose he hurt her but can't be bothered to apologise? If it was on purpose its physical assault.

Sounds like he's ramping up getting physical with you but in a more subtle way than hitting or pushing you. He's punishing you either for going away or for daring to relax on the sofa instead of dealing with the child. Now he's being a passive aggressive cock. You need to look at the reasons why you were thinking of leaving and start making plans.

BestOfABadLot · 04/06/2021 07:29

@Ifimight

This thread is fucking mad. You need to learn to forgive? He's physically grabbed her arse too hard on more than one occasion, (sexual assault) and now he's sat on her, whether accidentally or on purpose he hurt her but can't be bothered to apologise? If it was on purpose its physical assault.

Sounds like he's ramping up getting physical with you but in a more subtle way than hitting or pushing you. He's punishing you either for going away or for daring to relax on the sofa instead of dealing with the child. Now he's being a passive aggressive cock. You need to look at the reasons why you were thinking of leaving and start making plans.

Exactly this. Alot of the commentors here sound like idiots. He's grabbed her arse so it hurt her and was angry when told he had to stop and now he's ramping it up.
MrsMiddleMother · 04/06/2021 07:39

Sounds like he tripped and fell on you but you're not happy being with him so making it a big deal. You said he used to grope you, he sulked when you told him to stop but he hasn't done it for months so he has stopped. Honestly if you don't want to be with him, just leave.

Theunamedcat · 04/06/2021 07:46

@faithfulbird20

Having young children is hard. Sounded like he wanted attention or was tired from looking after your child. If he's a good man learn to forgive.
HER child?
Scrambledcustard · 04/06/2021 08:02

If it was on purpose or not he didn't give a shit he had hurt you.

He has got form for not giving a shit.

Start looking at leaving him.

EShellstrop · 04/06/2021 08:07

Physical abuse often follows the pattern of "accidents" - they will ramp up in intensity, leaving you continually doubting. Boiled frog scenario.

My ex used to accidentally hurt me frequently. Pushed me around in play fights, wouldn't let me get up off the bed, etc. More than once I ended up bruised, or injured in some way.

It got much worse over time, until I couldn't explain it away anymore.

Meruem · 04/06/2021 08:08

I am clumsy AF. I can fall over nothing. So I’m not going to make any guesses as to whether what he did was deliberate. But you’re clearly not happy regardless. I personally wouldn’t waste any energy focusing on that one incident. You don’t need a list of reasons to leave him. Being unhappy is enough.

Ugzbugz · 04/06/2021 08:11

You shouldn't be subjecting your kids to this shittt atmosphere.

FunnyWonder · 04/06/2021 08:12

It doesn't sound as though he slipped. I agree with pp that he wanted to see what you were up to. I reckon he meant to casually and quickly fling himself down beside you so that you wouldn't have time to react, but misjudged it and landed on top of you. He might have been a bit embarrassed, but he wasn't sorry or caring because his objective was to see who you were texting or what you were looking at and that didn't happen.

He is obviously suspicious, but that doesn't excuse what he did. It sounds as though this incident is only the tip of the iceberg though and you have bigger problems to sort out.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/06/2021 08:17

"Sorry it does all sound a bit weird I know... ds isnt 3 i just changed the age so it wouldnt be identifying. We are together because we have several dc. Ds is the youngest. I agree i do sound hostile towards dh and maybe am looking for things hes doing wrong. Just feel our relationship has been going badly for sometime and hes often angry although not physically abusive. He does things like stonewalling and argues with me over small things. I feel he's let me down several times badly like not being supportive enough in my pregnancies and births. For example not being there for the birth of our 1st child. I suppose all these things have caused my love to gradually dwindle away. I just feel hes not caring or considerate towards me. I did love him in the beginning. Im in a difficult situation. I dont want to disrupt my dcs lives or hurt DH. Looks like we will be heading for divorce anyway as dh has noticed im distant and just now weve spoken and he says to tell him what im thinking. Ive said we arent getting along well and he agrees. Im scared to hurt dc and be a single mum. Thanks for everyone's replies".

I would seek legal advice asap with a view to separation and divorce.

These children here are not glue and nor should be used as glue to bind you and this man together. I think his falling over onto you was a deliberate act designed to punish you further because of the 5 days away.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Did you see your dad treat your mum like you are now?.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?. This is no relationship model to be showing them and staying for the children is no basis, let alone any sort of reason to be staying with such a man. Do not be afraid of being a single parent; you're practically parenting these young people now on your own in any event. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

DreamingNow · 04/06/2021 08:19

Let me summarise

  • your DH has form for doing things that hurt but doesn’t want to stop doing it (grabbing you)
  • he has let you down very badly in the past, repeatidily
  • he is regularly angry
  • things aren’t good, so much so you took the opportunity of being away to think about your marriage and whether you wanted to continue
  • you dint trust him any more, so much so you are wondering if he didn’t fall on you on purpose

Just from that, I’d say the relationship has died. You ca;carry on but you will just become mor and more resentful (and I expect your DH is too - the resentment seems to be shared in both sides)

Now regarding this particular incident, tbh it’s impossible to know. Maybe he was just really awkward and tried to do something stupid (let’s imagine, Lean for a kiss) and fell.
Maybe as a PP suggested he was trying to read your phone (this would explain his reaction to you later on)
Maybe it was intentional.

What I would have a big issue with is the lack of real apology. The fact his first reaction wasn’t ‘how are you doing? Are you ok?’ But to be grumpy because you make too much noise/shouted would be a problem for me and wouod be added to the already long list of things you dislike about him.

It sounds like you were settled into saying enough is enough and let’s separate after your holiday. I would stick to that.

Bluesheep8 · 04/06/2021 08:41

Sorry but why are two people in the same house texting eachother?

kiddo5467 · 04/06/2021 09:22

@Bluesheep8

Sorry but why are two people in the same house texting eachother?
My friend and her husband do this when they're arguing and I find it the most bizarre thing ever!
user1471538283 · 04/06/2021 12:55

If my bf fell on me I doubt I would recover physically. But I know he would be absolutely mortified and apologetic rather than huffy.

How the hell do you fall on someone with your full body? You would try and minimize the impact surely.

It wasn't an accident, he did it for attention and it does sound very dark to deliberately fall on someone and pushing your boundaries for more violence.

CornishGem1975 · 04/06/2021 13:12

If my DP 'slipped and fell' on me, it wouldn't even enter my mind for one second that it was on purpose, so it speaks volumes that you believe it was. Your relationship sounds toxic. You deserve more.

Lorw · 04/06/2021 13:26

You both sound hostile towards each other to be honest. Why are you together? Sounds very toxic

Bibidy · 04/06/2021 13:36

Tbh OP it sounds like you stonewall him too, if you went upstairs and didn't acknowledge him when he entered the room because he wasn't sorry enough that he had hurt you. If it genuinely was an accident then I can see why this would annoy and even upset him.