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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH 'slipped' and fell on me

101 replies

Mistyplanet · 03/06/2021 21:55

Don't know what to make of this whether im making a mountain out of a molehill or there was intention to hurt me. This evening I've come back from 5 days away with dc and my parents (holiday). Dh and i often don't get along but hes seemed fine this evening and generally making an effort. Dh was finishing settling our son upstairs but he wouldn't go to sleep so he brought him back downstairs hes 3. I hsd been relaxing on the sofa for 10 mins on my own. Dh came over as if he was going to sit down on the sofa but somehow fell so his full body weight went on my arm and shoulder. It really hurt so i shouted OW GET OFF ME! really loud. He kept saying he slipped but tbh i didnt see that happen i was looking at my phone so its possible but just seems weird to fall on me so hard like that. Also he didnt seem that apologetic just muttered sorry but kept saying he slipped and acted annoyed that i had shouted. After that he just sat next to me still really close not saying anything while i was sat in pain. I eventually got up and took my son to bed. Now i dont feel like going back down stairs for the evening and im going to sleep instead. Ive just started to wonder if he did this intentionally or what as it seems such a strange thing to happen and surely he should be more concerned that hed hurt me and apologetic? Please help.

OP posts:
kiddo5467 · 03/06/2021 23:11

[quote Mistyplanet]@pompomsugar that makes sense- it could have been that...[/quote]
If he's noticed you've been distant and acting differently towards him plus constantly on your phone maybe he's worried you're cheating?

Missaljenk · 03/06/2021 23:12

@Aknifewith16blades

Accident or not, the lack of empathy would be a good reason to leave.
I don’t agree with this . I think it’s a bit far fetched to say you would leave your partner because he fell on you by accident.
MoppaSprings · 03/06/2021 23:14

You both sound bad for each other, you have no trust in him and you can’t discuss things with each other.

What are you actually getting from your relationship?

He may have done it on purpose ( in which case he is an abusive arsehole), but you will probably never know for sure.

If I were you and I would re evaluation the relationship and probably end it ( based on the very limited information you have given)

Missaljenk · 03/06/2021 23:15

Something doesn’t add up about this post. If my partner fell on me I wouldn’t think he had done it on purpose at all. But it also seems so strange that he fell on you 😩

My main concern about this post is you don’t seem to trust him but I can see why he would be angry if you reacted angrily to an accident. I have been in a very bad dv relationship but he never accidentally hurt me or tried to make it look like an accident.

I agree with others that said trust your instinct. Only you know how it was when it happened and how he reacted. Maybe talk to him and explain how you feel xx

fantastaballs · 03/06/2021 23:16

He is punishing you for going away and daring to consider if he is worth remaining in a relationship with. He is trying to make it like you are talking to other people as that makes you feel bad, so you will try and make it up to him so he can keep you feeling guilty and keep this shitty relationship going.

Spoiler alert: you need to leave him. At the very best he is very manipulative and you already know you need to end it. At worst he hurt you on purpose and is now trying to turn it around so that it's YOU that feels bad for talking to imaginary people instead of him . Just walk away from the shitbag and you don't have to worry about being groped when you can't stand it. I couldn't stand it either! It's YOUR body.

WhoisRebecca · 03/06/2021 23:17

I know ds is younger but there is nothing wrong with breastfeeding a 3 year old!

It all sounds odd. Trust your instincts here.

Nitpickpicnic · 03/06/2021 23:18

Time to organise some counselling? It tends to get things moving, whether it’s towards separation or making a proper go of it.

At the moment it just sounds like seething resentment and being caught up in your own heads. The kids may hate divorce, but they aren’t loving this atmosphere either, right?

I think counselling will help sort your thoughts: whether it’s about what gets said or what elephants are in the room. Once you have a few mini epiphanies, the path gets clearer.

beachlife18 · 03/06/2021 23:19

Very weird thread 🙄 he tripped and fell on you, he might of missed you and can't show his feelings

Mitford1789 · 03/06/2021 23:24

You don’t sound very happy together. I know its scary with kids etc but better to be amicably separated than miserably together.

CassandraTrotter · 03/06/2021 23:25

He continued to do things like that despite knowing i didnt like it.

This stood out for me. He hurts you and keeps doing it because he wants to. And you think he hurt you tonight on purpose.

Time to leave.

JamieFrasersAuntie · 03/06/2021 23:26

What is he claiming he slipped on op? Were you lying down at the time?

My ex used to do stuff like this, regularly barge into me, stand on my toes, lean on my hair in bed. All accidents of course. He was a dirty groper too.

sarah13xx · 03/06/2021 23:33

I don’t think anyone can say for sure whether he fell on you accidentally or on purpose but it sounds like the two of you have just completely drifted apart. It’s very easy for strangers to tell you on the internet to leave him, and if someone is being at all violent towards you - definitely do! But the way I’m reading into this sounds like the way me and my partner go if we have one relatively small argument that then becomes a huge thing because we just stay away from each other and things get worse and it’s then actually awkward to move on from. This is obviously on a way smaller scale than what you’re talking about here but this is what it reminds me of. Do you want to be with him? If you do, you could try and start afresh, get a baby sitter, get dressed up and go on a date together. If you don’t, then the answers obviously straightforward but from the limited info you’ve given it just sounds to me like you’re drifting further and further apart and sitting in seperate rooms of the house isn’t making anything better. Hope you manage to work something out either together or on your own x

OccaChocca · 03/06/2021 23:46

It's not working, is it?

You didn't contact him much while you were away because you wanted to think about the relationship. Now you are back he 'accidentally' fell on you and you are thinking he might have done it on purpose. He does things you don't like but doesn't listen to the feedback and carries on doing it.

If it was working it would read like this..........

You were in contact every day while you were away because you were thinking about him. He accidentally fell on you earlier but was really apologetic and was concerned that you had hurt your arm. He made a fuss of you after to make amends. You know he didn't do it on purpose. Every now and again he does things you don't like but listens when you tell him and tries not to do things that annoy you.

Sorry but I think it is time to let go before it gets much worse.

Summerfun54321 · 03/06/2021 23:57

Is he pissed off you’re on your phone rather than telling him about your holiday? Regardless of the accident, it sounds very strained.

OffBad · 04/06/2021 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EBathory · 04/06/2021 00:20

Why would you think intention (your first post) unless there is more to this?

EBathory · 04/06/2021 00:24

Fuck him off, he is abusive

ExhaustedFlamingo · 04/06/2021 00:43

I seem to have a different perception to most on here.

That is an enormous leap to suggest that you think he's hurt you on purpose, regardless if there's been an atmosphere between you in the past. The fact you think he's capable of physical violence probably says enough about your relationship, regardless of what the truth is.

None of us were there. We have absolutely no way of knowing if he slipped or not. If he's never been violent before, it seems like quite a big escalation and as you say he was in a good mood, it's very out of the blue?

My best guess would be he slipped, your response was loud and exaggerated because you were shocked (and it hurt), and he's mortified. And maybe a bit angry at what seems like an overreaction. I have to say, you do seem to be making a bit of a drama over it - he fell on your shoulder/arm while you were seated and while I'm sure it hurt a bit when it happened, to be sat in the dark much later telling him "you don't care that you hurt my arm" seems wildly dramatic. So he's an arse for not being more genuinely apologetic at the time, and you're making a song and dance about a genuine accident and a small bump. You admit he said sorry straight away but your issue is that he didn't seem to be sorry enough for a simple trip and bump which you'd already yelled at him for.....yikes.

Of course, if you really think that he did it on purpose, then you need to LTB - no question. And tbh, as I said above, the fact that you're wondering whether it was deliberate or not is genuinely shocking and suggests you probably should be separating anyway. This is not a healthy relationship in any way. There are times when my DP can be a right shit-head but I can honestly say I would never ever consider him faking a slip to hurt me.

blacksax · 04/06/2021 00:46

If my DH fell and landed on me heavily enough to hurt me, he'd be mortified and really apologetic. Sorry OP, but having read everything you've posted, I think he did do it on purpose. Maybe he didn't mean to land quite so hard, but yeah - deliberate.

callmemaybee · 04/06/2021 00:50

I just don’t get how you can accidentally sit on someone, let alone sit on them hard enough to cause pain like that

WickedQueen · 04/06/2021 00:52

No one else is curious about the calpol story then? Just me? 😬

faithfulbird20 · 04/06/2021 04:34

@Mistyplanet have you told him that his behaviour has bothered you? My husband genuinely doesn't know what he's done wrong until I give him a mouthful about it.

RantyAnty · 04/06/2021 04:49

The falling part sounds like a you had to be there situation.

My guess is he was sulking you were gone, he had to parent and that you had been relaxing for 10 minutes on your own and hadn't immediately jumped on him to shag him the moment you got home.

interest12 · 04/06/2021 05:12

If you were really hurt, it is a strange reaction to yell at him. I can understand why he’s gone quiet

Opentooffers · 04/06/2021 05:14

I'm reading between the lines here and wondering if there's not been much of a sex life between you for the last 3or4 years. Entirely wrong to grope you, highly stupid and garauntees that he is going to be further away from sex than ever. It's a wonder that some men seem to show their sexual frustration by this method as it's self defeating, is groping ever enjoyable for any woman? How did he flirt or hint before DC?
Apart from the groping, it's harder to be sexual when breastfeeding, so I wonder if that has become a defence mechanism to keep him at bay as you've been doing it for a long time. I'm guessing that you co-slept too.
He's probably felt out in the cold a long time, however, his reaction to that is childish at best, and he should talk about it with you as an adult, rather than resorting to grim behaviour.
You should sit down and openly discuss where your headed, how you both feel. If you can't do that together, then you are not really trying to keep the family together and may as well split.