DH ignoring DD for 3 days now

[comfyslippets]

My DD is 10 and has mild special needs. She is really loving to people who make an effort with her and is generally loved by most people who know her. Her dad has never really understood her and has never really tried - has never taken the time to sit with her and read a book/do a jigsaw/teach her how to read a bike etc. I do everything with her to the point where it's exhausting.
Anyway, I work evenings and I know it has not been very good at home on these nights for quite a while. My DH seems to just let her do what she wants and my DS (16) ends up doing the parenting which he's obviously not happy about and has been telling me recently how unhappy this is making him as she doesn't respect him etc (which I don't suppose she does as he's her older brother telling her what to do) and it means he can't do his homework.
Monday night I got in from work late, DD was downstairs on her own and DH was in his bedroom and shouted to me 'sort her out' as soon as I walked in the door and stropped off to bed.
Apparently they had had an argument and she swore at him. Now he won't talk to her. Won't say hello, goodnight or anything. I had to take the night off work last night because he refused to look after her. I don't know what to do. I don't want her growing up with a parent like this.
So, my question really is WWYD? I'm thinking I should take her away from him. Please give me your opinions because I want what's best for my children and I think it's taking her away from him

Your h sounds horrible. He has never made the effort to sit down and engage with his daughter? Why have you put up with such emotional coldness for so long?

So sorry, missed update. I hope you and your dc find the love and happiness and safe place you all deserve x

By the way, OP, please don’t worry about the PPs who are trying to make you feel like shit. They are speaking from the privileged position of not being married to this abusive narcissist, and they have incredibly limited understanding of the conditioning to which you will have been subjected. In an incredibly complex situation such as the one in which you find yourself, it is not always clear what to do for the best. The people who seem so sure that they would have sorted it all out already might be shocked to discover it’s not as easy as they think, when you find yourself in this position.

Take heart, OP - my DM made the mistake of not getting my father out of my life, but I adore her and we have a fantastic relationship, because that mistake does not outweigh the love she showed me.

Can your Ds not sleep on sofa or floor? not ideal but better than where he is .
Glad to hear you have taken DD though.
I hope the next few days will be clearer

I have a mortgage and receive UC, I also think that any proceeds from a divorce are ring fenced for 6 months before being counted as an asset to allow for any property purchases post-divorce. It’s worth talking to Citizens Advice.

Can you change jobs at all? I now work in a school because my previous career was not compatible with being a lone parent. I will need to retrain when my dd is older but for now I have the breathing space to keep a roof over our heads and provide her with the support she needs, she also has some additional learning needs.

Also make sure your dd isn’t blaming herself for this. She needs to be made aware that your issues with DH (as outlined by a PP) are far more than him ignoring her but that was the final straw because nobody should treat anyone that way.

You get 6 months 'grace' on UC fir the House. Good you've left him. Have you claimed DLA for your daughter?

Disgusting. I know exactly how it feels to get the silent treatment for days on end when I was just a child (amongst other things) and it still affects me now until adulthood. He's vile.

What kind of sick psycho are you married to? Treating his little girl, and you, so terribly. Yes get away from him - tell him to leave.

Is the house in your name as well as your husband's?

You really need to get legal advice ASAP.

I don't want her growing up with a parent like this.

She already is.

Some great advice in this thread op, follow it.

I would consider leaving this man child.
What he does is very, very damaging to your DD. I don’t say this very often but some men don’t deserve to be called father.

Legal advice asap.

My Dad used to ignore us for months on end as children...usually for some perceived and minor slight. I can remember several Christmas Eve’s where my brother and I would be wondering if he would speak to us the next day (he always magically woke up as jolly dad)...I’m still in therapy for the after effects. Please protect your DD from this.

I hope you and both DC are safely away from this damaging man soon. Good luck, OP.

I agree with getting legal advice ASAP.
Protect your poor dd. I can’t believe what a lousy parent your dh is that he can’t look after his kids in the evenings whilst you work. He’s treated your dd appallingly. I can see you are stuck in a rut with regards to your marriage, but I think you need to cull it and make the first move.