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Original poster

Tinder - bf lied about deleting the app

68 replies

SaritaJ · 03/06/2021 11:12

Hi all. I’d like some honest advise please.

I started seeing a guy in January and it’s been going really well. We met on tinder and we both kept our profiles (although I’m not actively using mine). Then last week, he told me that he’s deleted his profile and the app, and, would I delete mine. I said yes, of course! So I did.

Alas....my friend Jenny who has had one too many bad experiences on tinder said I should make sure his profile “is” deleted before deleting mine. So when we were out for a drink last night, we created a blank profile, searched for him and voila, there he is! He even matched with us (despite us having no photo on the profile!) which means he’s doing the usual guy thing and blindly swiping away on the app!

I have never pressured him to remove the app or even brought it up. But he volunteered to me that he’d deleted it as he wanted to see how things went with me.

Clearly, I will be confronting him about this when I see him Saturday, but can I trust him again? Even if he offers to delete the app there and then, it’s easy to reinstall and I’m not sure I can believe him.

Any advise would be gratefully appreciated!

OP posts:
JadedStrumpet · 03/06/2021 11:15

Throw him back to Tinder. Sorry op but you'll never trust him...he isn't trustworthy!

Mermaidwaves · 03/06/2021 11:22

He wants you to delete yours so you don't see him on there and he can be sure he has you. If he's still actively swiping then hes still on the hunt, which is crap as he's not being honest there, he's implying he wants exclusivity. This is so typical of men online! They can't stop looking for something else, its demoralising I feel.

booboo24 · 03/06/2021 11:23

I would get rid, if you matched he's clearly active on there, he can't really argue his innocence here can he. Sorry, I know it's horrible but I wouldn't trust him again

LepusLepus · 03/06/2021 11:24

Liars and loss of trust with that liar, go hand in hand.

I wouldn't bother confronting him, he'll lie to you so much that he'll trip over his own tongue in trying to convince you you've got it wrong/or that you were in the wrong for checking him out on Tinder.

Liars/sneaks/warped creeps never change.

Spend Saturday doing something lovely instead.

Ughmaybenot · 03/06/2021 11:24

Ugh dump him. If it was just still live but unused then I’d not be so concerned, altho would question why he felt he needed to lie, but as he’s clearly active and matching with women left right and centre, he’s no good.

Friida · 03/06/2021 11:25

For him to initiate the conversation with you about deleting Tinder means he's both manipulative and a liar. Couple that with the fact he's swiping away blindly (AFTER he'd had that conversation with you) means he's also sleazy and entitled, and looking to sleep with other women once he's extracted a commitment from you. Your relationship has not even hit the six month point- it should still be 'best behaviour honeymoon' phase. You could confront him about it, but he'll lie (let's face it, he's got form), better just to keep your head held high and cut your losses.

seensome · 03/06/2021 11:26

No, why wait until Saturday, no good reason for it and he's actively using it so I suggest cancel him, tell him he's a fool and put your profile back up.

bookworm20 · 03/06/2021 11:34

@Mermaidwaves

He wants you to delete yours so you don't see him on there and he can be sure he has you. If he's still actively swiping then hes still on the hunt, which is crap as he's not being honest there, he's implying he wants exclusivity. This is so typical of men online! They can't stop looking for something else, its demoralising I feel.
This. And if you're still not sure and if you really want to double check his honesty, contact him on it using your new profile (or get your friend to). But he has flat out lied to you already. I would just bin him.
LaBellina · 03/06/2021 11:36

Wow massive red flag.

The fact that you matched with him proves that he’s a liar and actually looking for other dates whilst stringing you along. What a charmer. Dump him and be thankful for having such a wonderful friend that truly looks out for you.

Palavah · 03/06/2021 11:36

Send him a message and see what happens

DatingDickheads · 03/06/2021 11:38

Don’t even discuss it with him just bin him. He will try and tell you someone else is using his pictures and it’s not him!

Original poster
SaritaJ · 03/06/2021 11:38

Haha what should I say?!

OP posts:
Lan2020 · 03/06/2021 11:39

Get rid of him! He's a complete liar and not worth the hassle. If you stay with him it'll end in heartache! I have to say, reading Mumsnet makes me wonder if there are any decent men out there!

GettingItOutThere · 03/06/2021 11:40

eugh get rid!

hes a loser

Original poster
SaritaJ · 03/06/2021 11:41

I swear there aren’t. Seems the online dating guys especially are just no good :(

OP posts:
messybun101 · 03/06/2021 11:43

This is EXACTLY what happened to me

I'm not with him anymore obviously. I was 21. It lasted 4 months. Not very long considering he was also in the army spending 2 weeks a month away with two weekends home

He found someone else near the barracks his digs were in and she told me they were together the weekend he was coming home.
They met on tinder too so his profile was still being used but mines was disabled and deleted

Get rid now op. I looked like the dumped idiot and he was out enjoying himself

Mermaidwaves · 03/06/2021 11:45

Definitely agree that most online guys are utter shits! I don't think I've come across one decent one yet.

UndeadSlut · 03/06/2021 11:46

Ugh, loser. Definitely end it.

I'd not say anything about finding him on Tinder. It would give him the opportunity to try to lie and gaslight you into thinking you're a "crazy stalker", tell you "his mates hacked his profile" etc. Tell him after thinking about it he's just not what you're looking for in a boyfriend, soz, see ya later.

Londongirl865 · 03/06/2021 11:51

This happened with my bf in the early days, maybe 3 months in he had bumble and tinder on phone still - said he never used them. Almost 3 years later just found out he’s a sex and porn addict paying for only fans, hardcore porn videos, escort sites..... RED FLAG.

FrumpyBetty · 03/06/2021 11:55

Your expectations are too low if you don't leave him over this.

You are worth more.

HostessTrolley · 03/06/2021 12:00

Ask him if he’s busy on Saturday?

Original poster
SaritaJ · 03/06/2021 12:01

Thank you ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
SaritaJ · 03/06/2021 12:03

Where does one meet a wholesome man! Urgh 🤯

OP posts:
lilroo87 · 03/06/2021 12:07

@SaritaJ

Where does one meet a wholesome man! Urgh 🤯
I actually met my now fiancé on Tinder, 3 years ago. There are decent men out there but it took me a while to find one.

As all PP have said, ditch this one. He's not worth your time and if he's like this already then it'll only get worse

Eviethyme · 03/06/2021 12:08

Not sure why someone would still be using tinder after dating someone for 5 months so yes delete him rather than the app although I would never meet anyone off tinder. Sure it works for some but I find the whole thing just cringy.

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