Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Tinder - bf lied about deleting the app

68 replies

SaritaJ · 03/06/2021 11:12

Hi all. I’d like some honest advise please.

I started seeing a guy in January and it’s been going really well. We met on tinder and we both kept our profiles (although I’m not actively using mine). Then last week, he told me that he’s deleted his profile and the app, and, would I delete mine. I said yes, of course! So I did.

Alas....my friend Jenny who has had one too many bad experiences on tinder said I should make sure his profile “is” deleted before deleting mine. So when we were out for a drink last night, we created a blank profile, searched for him and voila, there he is! He even matched with us (despite us having no photo on the profile!) which means he’s doing the usual guy thing and blindly swiping away on the app!

I have never pressured him to remove the app or even brought it up. But he volunteered to me that he’d deleted it as he wanted to see how things went with me.

Clearly, I will be confronting him about this when I see him Saturday, but can I trust him again? Even if he offers to delete the app there and then, it’s easy to reinstall and I’m not sure I can believe him.

Any advise would be gratefully appreciated!

OP posts:
bathsh3ba · 03/06/2021 12:17

Agree, the trust has gone and from experience it isn't worth trying to have a reasonable discussion with this kind of man.

There do seem to be a lot of relationships that rumble on for months without any expectation of being 'exclusive' and I can't help thinking that it doesn't bode well in a lot of cases - assuming one or other party wants an exclusive relationship. Obviously, no-one expects to be exclusive after just a couple of dates but I believe the old adage of 'he's just not that into you' applies after a month or so, two at most. If he isn't voluntarily committing to dating just you after two months, in most situations my advice would be to end it, unless of course you want a casual situation. But if you're waiting for a commitment - move on.

Personally I can't date several guys at the same time, I just really don't think it's right and so I don't and won't do it. Can't help thinking in a lot of cases this status quo benefits (most) men more than (most) women - plus ca change.

Original poster
SaritaJ · 03/06/2021 12:17

Thanks got all your comments guys. Don’t think I’ll meet him Saturday but rather will end it by text. What do you think of this message?

“ After some careful consideration I’ve decided that we should go our separate ways. You don’t have the qualities that I’m looking for in a a boyfriend, which are honesty, transparency and loyalty.

Last night I asked my (newly single) friend Jenny to see if she could find your profile on tinder, after you told me that you’d hidden your profile and deleted the app on your phone. To my surprise, your profile was visible to her. And you’ve since matched with her!

It’s fairly clear you’re still actively dating and keeping your options open. But what’s even more disappointing is that you were dishonest with me about your status. I’ve never pressured you to remove the app so just why you lied to me is a mystery. But as a result, I can’t trust you anymore.

I really hope that you find someone better than me on there. Best of luck with your search 🤞🏼

Take care”

OP posts:
LaBellina · 03/06/2021 12:30

Too much effort for such a test.

Have fun with your new tinder match (yes, I know!) would be my message then block.

You’re being far too considerate for this liar.

LaBellina · 03/06/2021 12:30

Test = twat

roastpotatoesss · 03/06/2021 12:43

How do you search for someone on Tinder? (misses point of thread)

Agree with PP if he said he was deleting it and got you to delete yours then I'd bin him.

Original poster
SaritaJ · 03/06/2021 12:46

You can forward a profile to a friend via WhatsApp, or you just search for their age group in a given area and they will come up on your feed

OP posts:
Original poster
SaritaJ · 03/06/2021 12:47

Yeah. You’re right. I’ll send a screenshot of the match and leave it at that!

OP posts:
Sakurami · 03/06/2021 12:48

Tbh I wouldn't contact him. I would block him and never speak to him again.

Underpaidsnackbitch · 03/06/2021 12:49

In the bin with him! What a scheming arse!

I would send this,

After some careful consideration I’ve decided that we should go our separate ways. You don’t have the qualities that I’m looking for in a a boyfriend, which are honesty, transparency and loyalty.

When you suggested deleting Tinder, I assumed that you meant both of us, but that's obviously not the case. Happy swiping.

Take care

randomkey123 · 03/06/2021 12:50

The last line is perfect "I really hope you find someone better than me on there, good luck with trying" and send a screenshot of his profile.

You are worth more than pondscum like that.

BlueDucky · 03/06/2021 12:50

@SaritaJ

Yeah. You’re right. I’ll send a screenshot of the match and leave it at that!
I think that's better. Or just don't tell him why and say it's not working for me and don't bother wasting your time responding when he presses for details.
BlueDucky · 03/06/2021 12:51

He won't be as hurt by anything you could write as much as he has hurt you by lying as he simply doesn't care.

steakandcheeseplease · 03/06/2021 12:53

Never walk the path with a liar.

Original poster
SaritaJ · 03/06/2021 12:59

Hopefully in time he’ll realise what he lost. For all intense and purposes, I don’t think I’m a bad catch! 🤷🏽‍♀️

OP posts:
randomkey123 · 03/06/2021 13:02

Some men will always be looking over their shoulder just in case.

Life's way too short to be saddled with one of them.

lolacola77 · 03/06/2021 13:04

Urgh just dump him and save yourself the hassle

Palavah · 03/06/2021 13:20

The reason I'd send a message and see if he responds is for your peace of mind/so there's no backtracking later. You'll know there's no question that it was him rather than the app/his friends.

Otherwise, keep your dignity, it's yours to keep.

Hen2018 · 03/06/2021 13:20

I’d make up 5 glamorous profiles then make a date with him for every night next week. (1date for each profile).

Then he’ll be stood up 5 times.

Sandra15 · 03/06/2021 13:20

Yes, send him a screenshot of the profile and the para about not being able to trust him and then update us if the creep gets in touch, or how you are doing generally.

Hen2018 · 03/06/2021 13:21

I’d also stand him up on Saturday!

Original poster
SaritaJ · 03/06/2021 13:27

Pure evil! I love it 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
SaritaJ · 03/06/2021 13:32

Thank you Sandra ❤️

OP posts:
Lampan · 03/06/2021 13:43

You don’t need to go into so much detail with a text I don’t think. Either send what @Underpaidsnackbitch suggests, or just send him a message saying you have been thinking and decided to stop seeing him. That will probably be more perplexing for him and bother him more, if he demands to know why then you can choose whether to explain or not!

steakandcheeseplease · 03/06/2021 13:57

@Palavah

The reason I'd send a message and see if he responds is for your peace of mind/so there's no backtracking later. You'll know there's no question that it was him rather than the app/his friends.

Otherwise, keep your dignity, it's yours to keep.

This.
booboo24 · 03/06/2021 14:09

Your message was good, also some of the adaptations other posters have made. I think you definitely need to let him know you know, and to finish it with you ending it is perfect, it leaves no room for him to try and lie his way back in. I'm so sorry this has happened, but thank goodness you found out in the early ish stages