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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

It’s my birthday. Ex didn’t wish me happy birthday

70 replies

Nuthatcher · 02/06/2021 14:07

Background. I was seeing my ex for two years, we met at work. We were good friends before we started seeing each other. He was recently separated so I treaded carefully. He had been with his wife for twenty years. She had an affair hence the split.
The two years were rocky. He wouldn’t commit to being official, he blew hot and cold, he cancelled a lot. The times we spent together were amazing. Intense romance. He was always honest and said he couldn’t give me what I wanted at that moment etc...one day he rejected me when I went to kiss him and he said his wife wants to give it another go but he still really likes me and wasn’t sure what he wanted. I ended it.
He got back with his wife and I barely spoke to him for a whole year. I saw other people and I’m with someone lovely now.
For the first time in a year I spoke to ex. Told him how I resented him for hurting me but I still cared about him. He apologised and said he was low at the time and he’s still low now, he’s depressed and unhappy. That was that really and he said if I wanted to talk then that’s cool.
Today is my birthday and he’s either forgot or he’s just chose to ignore it.
I’m hurt. I feel worthless. I wasted two years on him. I have fertility issues and I wasted two fucking years. I don’t want him back or anything but I just feel hurt at how little he cared compared to what I gave him.
I’ve cried and felt sad on my birthday and he’s a piece of shit, but I still feel sad.
Just ranting really.

OP posts:
BingBongToTheMoon · 02/06/2021 14:09

Happy birthday.
Fuck him. Ex for a reason!

Bluntness100 · 02/06/2021 14:10

I’m sorry Op. but it’s been a year ans he’s with his wife. He doesn’t need to keep in contact with you, in fact it’s right he doesn’t.

I think you’re not over him and maybe you should think about getting some help to move on.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/06/2021 14:14

Did your current boyfriend say happy birthday? Surely that’s more important to you?

Though if you’re this hung up on your ex maybe you shouldn’t be dating.

Hen2018 · 02/06/2021 14:14

I can’t remember the date of any of my ex’s birthdays.

ElaborateSalad · 02/06/2021 14:16

Why would he? You have a new partner now. Why do you care?

Lan2020 · 02/06/2021 14:18

Sorry OP but I'm a little confused. Your ex who you haven't been with for a year (who pretty much messed you around your whole relationship) didn't say happy birthday? I'd have been more surprised if he did tbh. You aren't together and don't keep in contact, why would he wish you happy birthday?

Let go of the past and focus on the present with the person you are with now. The main thing is that he remembered.

It sounds like he hurt you buy I'd leave him.in the past as no good can come of any relationship with him.

I do hope you have a lovely birthday though x

elenacampana · 02/06/2021 14:19

It would inappropriate for him to contact you on your birthday OP.

AllIknowsofar · 02/06/2021 14:20

I wouldn’t expect him to in that situation.

BillieSpain · 02/06/2021 14:21

What? You are being odd.

5475878237NC · 02/06/2021 14:22

It wouldn't be right for him to contact you ever again OP given the specific circumstances.

Happy birthday. Spend it with people who are in your life now.

tortoiselover100 · 02/06/2021 14:23

I would never expect a happy birthday from my ex.

BeachWaves2 · 02/06/2021 14:24

Hmm yabu.. None of my exes wish me happy birthday and I don't them.. Why would you? You are being odd about it sorry.
Happy birthday 🎂

OrangePowder · 02/06/2021 14:41

So many reasons? why it's a good thing indeed that he hasn't been in touch. Have a lovely birthday with your new partner and never contact this man again.

OrangePowder · 02/06/2021 14:42

Imagine how you'd feel if your current partners was sad on his birthday because he hadn't heard from his ex....

sanityisamyth · 02/06/2021 14:54

It's my ExH birthday tomorrow. I have no intention to wish him a happy birthday. Why should I?!

TimeToGoIncognito · 02/06/2021 14:58

Why on earth would an ex boyfriend not wishing you happy birthday make you feel worthless? Come on, buck up. You have a lovely new boyfriend, the last boyfriend sounds crap. Why are you even giving this headspace? Enjoy your day and fuck the ex!

TurquoiseDragon · 02/06/2021 14:59

My ex only ever wished me happy birthday when he thought I'd go back. I didn't wish him anything. I left him due to abuse, so mo inclination to do anything that involved him.

Thesearmsofmine · 02/06/2021 15:01

It would more strange if he had contacted you. He is married and you are in a relationship. Time to move on.

crazymicrowave123 · 02/06/2021 15:07

YABVU in the nicest way possible. It would be very weird had he contacted you on your birthday whilst you are supposed to be in a happy relationship? It seems you're still harbouring hurt and resentment over the split and you shouldn't be if you've moved on...

unicornsarereal72 · 02/06/2021 15:10

As others have said it wouldn't be appropriate for him to be in contact with you.

My ex after 14 years together and 2 kids. I have never had anything for birthday. Christmas or Mother's Day. After 2 years supporting the children with gift buying for him I stopped. I also had very limited budget due to no child support. So wasn't going to spend what spare I had on him if he wasnt willing to reciprocate.

I hope your current bf spoilt you today.

RantyAnty · 02/06/2021 15:12

Time to see him for what he is, a complete twat. He's not your friend.

Write down all the rotten things he did to you and read them at least a dozen times. Knock him off that pedestal you still have him on for some reason.

Do something nice for yourself today. Think about your friends and family who did wish you a happy birthday.

Notonthestairs · 02/06/2021 15:13

It would have been more odd for him to wish you happy birthday than not.

You've moved on and he's staying out of it (as he should).

Get on and enjoy the rest of your birthday.

notacooldad · 02/06/2021 15:16

Seriously!😂😂

bishbashbosh99 · 02/06/2021 15:28

Oh dear. Get over him

BackforGood · 02/06/2021 15:29

It would have been more odd for him to wish you happy birthday than not.
You've moved on and he's staying out of it (as he should).
Get on and enjoy the rest of your birthday

This ^