I always get broken up with for the same reason

[swanlakesteps]

All 3 of my relationships have ended because the other person thinks I'm too good for them. They say that I deserve better and that they think they don't deserve me.

I feel like I'm doing something wrong because it's the same reason every time, but I don't know what. I just needed to have a short vent on here because I'm so tired of it happening .

I suspect it is just a line. Probably not the real reason.

It is trying to be a kind way of letting you down.
They have decided that it’s not working for them but don’t want to hurt your feelings.
It is possible to like and respect someone without wanting to be in a relationship with them. It’s hard to know what the real reasons might be.

Are you very a very confident person, and/or successful in your chosen field? Maybe these guys are just a bit mediocre and find you intimidating?

I’m sorry op, that is just a line said to reduce their guilt or impact of the split.

What do you think may be causing the problem?Was there something that winded them up?

There are some things you can do or stop doing to address the issues, the difficult thing is to find the source of the problem to avoid it repeating in future relationships.

Yeah, just a line.

They don’t want to be horrible, so the line makes them feel better.

Standard break up line. I’ve used it. It’s much better than saying “I thought I wanted to be with you but actually I’ve decided you aren’t the one for me”.

There is absolutely nothing you are doing wrong. Please don’t let it get you down, they just weren’t right for you.

I don't think it's just a line - I did at first, but I don't anymore just based on conversations I've had with them long after the breakup and things mutual friends have told me.

@Ozymandias101 I don't think I'm intimidating, I would say I'm fairly average except that I would say I'm more stable and happy than your typical person.

@KarmaNoMore I don't really know, nothing ever seemed wrong in any of my relationships even though I've spent hours trying to figure out what went wrong. Things seemed perfectly fine and then suddenly they weren't.

Sorry I agree with pp it's a line they use so you don't feel bad. The real reason is probably something random, they felt incompatible in some way.

What have they said far down the line OP? You usually get a more honest reason years after, or at least more details.

It is just a line.

It's a line. One of my male friends used to use that excuse regularly when it came to breaking up with girls. It was never his real reason.

Are the other people in these relationships men? If so, they are probably being factually correct. Although I wouldn't expect that amount of self reflection and honesty from the average human male.

Op, are you very accommodating? You are more likely to get this line if you put up with a lot of rubbish than if you challenge nasty stuff when and as it happens.

@YellowTree1 about a year after our breakup my first girlfriend said she sabotaged our relationship because I was too perfect and she didn't know how to accept it. The second reached out to me after having therapy and told me she felt her self-esteem was in a better place and she was able to accept that I was what she deserved (but I moved to a different country and didn't want to do long distance even though I still liked her). My third breakup is more recent so I can't be sure with her or if I'll find out something different down the line.

@Ozymandias101 my exes are women and I'm also a woman.

@KarmaNoMore my exes have all been lovely people who made me happy so nothing to really 'accommodate' iyswim. Though in general, I would say I can be an accommodating person.

I'm sorry but 'I don't deserve you' means 'I don't want you'. Anyone who really felt they'd found someone they didn't deserve would be thanking their good fortune.

'You're too good for me' could mean 'you're too boring for me' .

I'm sorry you are repeatedly getting this response. Is there something about these 3 that they all have in common that makes them feel they are incompatible with you? Perhaps consider the type of woman you are choosing.

Do others in your life get fed up with you easily? (Friends, colleagues, family) I know that sounds rude - it's not intended to as obviously I don't know you. Just I know someone who knows she irritates others but isn't sure why. Maybe a friend could suggest something?

Or it could just be bad luck. Some people have just one relationship that works out but most of us go through several that don't.

Op... I dont want this to sound horrible, but when a woman says "you're too good for me" then IME it means "we are not sexually compatible".

That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your technique, necessarily! I've used "that line" in the past when fucked up from sexual trauma and I just couldn't confirm to "normal" expectations.

Also I know it's a lesbian cliche, but do you think with any of them you may have jumped from dating to committed too quickly?

@swanlakesteps in that case it sounds like the problem was with them. Did they have low self-esteem? There's not much you can do i don't think, it sounds like you've been unlucky if there's not another obvious reason for them ending it, like their next girlfriend being totally different etc

My real good male friend says he says this to break up with women who go on about how great they are. I'm not saying that this is true for you.

This is an interesting one! Difficult to say, but it does make me think of a guy I went out with – who was incredibly reasonable, even-handed, very emotionally intelligent, always quick to resolve conflict, perhaps even apologise for his part in something – even when he was less at fault really.

Obviously he’s lovely but it almost got a bit much him being so perfect – in previous relationships I’d had the opportunity to be understanding, to ‘be the bigger person’ sometimes, to be the one to step up and resolve conflict or whatever. But this guy was so ‘perfect’ (to an extent it was hard to match) that at times I didn’t enjoy the dynamic. He never got annoyed, was always very accommodating about everything (and enjoyed the opportunity to be). I suppose there wasn’t much opportunity to ‘problem solve’ or contribute as he took pride in being so emotionally mature.

Maybe you’re too conventional / boring / successful?

Are you choosing women who do not have a similar social status to you.

It's a commonly used line.

Do you think there's a chance that in relationships you are often a 'fixer'? As in you always find yourself in relationships with partners who might have ongoing issues/problems they need to work through? I only ask because of your update about the feedback you've received later down the line.

So 2 women broke up with you, then had therapy before next contact. Are you happy and sorted in life, but maybe picking women who aren't? Perhaps you are trying to be a fixer, or in some way attracted to people who are a bit quirky as they are different, therefore intriguing?