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Original poster

A 15 year old girl dating a 20 year old man.....is this wrong?

72 replies

AudreyAnyNews · 30/05/2021 17:06

No, I'm not asking on behalf of a friend/family member. I'm just reminiscing about my misspent youth...I'm in my sixties now. When I was 15, I dated a 20 year old guy. I found boys of my age very silly and immature. He was lovely, no sex until I was 16, we were together for nearly two years, but our lives went in different directions, sadly. My parents were NOT happy with me going out with him, they thought that there was something 'wrong' with him for not being with a girl nearer to his age. This was back in 1972/3. Would this be considered wrong or in any way abusive these days?

OP posts:
comedycentral · 30/05/2021 17:07

I don't know how normal it was then as I was not born until the 1980's. I think it's strange, 15 year olds are children and he was an adult.

Pagwatch · 30/05/2021 17:15

I was a teenager in the 70s
There was a certain weird tolerance for men hanging around teenage girls.
Look at the groupie culture. I was hit on constantly from about 14 onwards and the attitude amongst my friends was that you must be sophisticated if you had an older boyfriend
My first serious boyfriend when I was 15/16 was one of my sisters friends who was 23 .
My parents didn’t like it and stopped it (with only limited success)
My next boyfriend was the same age and I realised quickly that I was much more an equal with him.

muckypaws · 30/05/2021 17:15

I'm a similar age to you and had similar age boyfriend when I was that age - I was 14 and he was 19, together for 2 years. I often think that it wasn't quite right and when my dd was 14 I'd have gone crazy at her for that. My dm was quite straitlaced but didn't stop me seeing him. In retrospect she probably should have done!

MootMoot · 30/05/2021 17:16

My parents were 15 and 20 when they got together. Still together 41 years later.

CatherinedeBourgh · 30/05/2021 17:18

I did too at that age. No one batted an eyelid.

Umberellatheweatha · 30/05/2021 17:20

It was a very common thing even 15 years ago. I remember so many guys in their early twenties hitting on me and mates from 14-17. Especially on MSN.

It's so gross tbh. But at the time it was largely socially accepted.

OldWomanSaysThis · 30/05/2021 17:28

I was a teenager in the 70s, too. It seems like things that were ok back then are not ok now. I remember it was fairly common for teachers to be romantically involved with students, for instance. And the legal drinking age was 18.
And then the 1980s - that was really nuts.

Tillyscoutsmum · 30/05/2021 17:38

My parents were 14 and 19 when they met in the late 60s. They split when my mum was in her mid 20s. I married at 19 to a 30 year old. My dd is 14 now and I would be very dubious about a 20 year old showing an interest. I do think times have changed ...

RagzReturnsRebooted · 30/05/2021 17:47

I was 14 (or 13 almost 14 when it started) seeing a guy in his mid twenties. No sex, but it probably would have gone that way if I hadn't moved countries.
My mum thought we were having sex and took me to get the pill, other than that, nothing was said. We thought we were being secretive but everyone knew and no one cared.
I look back now and am rather horrified, but at the time I thought it was amazing and so my friends! He had a motorbike and played guitar...
These days, I'd think he was a creepy perv.

Custardo · 30/05/2021 17:51

something that is gladly not tolerated now. a 15 yr old is a child and a 20 yr old an adult. the 20 year old could prosecuted and who wants that o their DBS check when going for a job

CandyFIosss · 30/05/2021 17:53

I dated a 21 year old when I was 15, in his defence I did tell him I was 17 Confused

PollyPicket · 30/05/2021 17:57

From what I remember 15 year olds went to work back then and I think
it was looked on that if you brought money [wages]
in to the home you were treated as an adult.

FeelingStupid2021 · 30/05/2021 18:00

It was normal when I was at school (15 in 1995). I never dated boys my own age. Looking back now it seems wrong but felt normal at the time. My 21 yo boyfriend was way more immature than I was at that age.

umberellaonesie · 30/05/2021 18:02

Half your age plus 8 is the youngest you should be with. It's a rule apparently

Minfilia · 30/05/2021 18:07

I dated a 21 year old at 15, we were together for six years.

It didn’t seem unusual to me tbh and still doesn’t. I looked older than him and was fairly mature for my years.

However... DD is 15 now and I’d find her dating a 20 year old odd to the point of thinking he must be a predator! She’s a school child, he would be a grown adult, and it would just be really fucking weird!

Pagwatch · 30/05/2021 18:36

I think looking back there was a huge cohort of teenagers who mistakenly believed they were mature for their age. I think when we reflect on ourselves as teenagers we continue to do that for good and bad.
Very very few 15 year olds are genuinely mature enough to be involved with a man and tbh a man who wants to be involved with a 15 year old probably has issues of one sort or another

We romanticised relationships back in the day. Being an innocent girl was considered attractive and wholesome and we still regarded far too often that a girls job was to find a husband
That’s how Mandy Smith ended up on the front of the newspapers in her wedding dress rather than watching Bill Wyman get arrested

newnortherner111 · 30/05/2021 18:54

It would be condemned far quicker today.

IEat · 30/05/2021 18:55

It’s creepy but only because of the age of consent and if you were still at school.

Branleuse · 30/05/2021 18:57

It was much more tolerated back then. Very different culture.
Its odd looking back at it through todays eyes.

SMabbutt · 30/05/2021 18:59

Mine too but been together 66 years, married for 60.

MajorNeville · 30/05/2021 19:03

In 1978, my cousin was 15 when she got with her husband, he was 20. They had a baby within the year and were married in 1979, they were together 20 years until they divorced. Plenty of my friends had boyfriends that age in the 80's, it seemed pretty normal (not for me, I don't think I even spoke to a lad until I was about 18😂). My DD is 15 now and I see how young she is, I'd be seriously unhappy if she had a 20 yo boyfriend.

HollowTalk · 30/05/2021 19:03

@umberellaonesie

Half your age plus 8 is the youngest you should be with. It's a rule apparently
Not when children are involved.
muckypaws · 30/05/2021 19:05

I think going to an all girls' school didn't help me in withstanding the stupid charms of an older boyfriend. Seeing my own dd having proper male friends at school throughout her teens really made me see that clearly. I had no male friends until I was going out with one and he was just intent on bullying me into sex. Also we were all very competitive at school and thought it was cool at 14 to have a boyfriend with a car, go to pubs, etc. If I had my time again...

muckypaws · 30/05/2021 19:08

@Pagwatch I agree we romanticised relationships. The most influential book on me was Lady Chatterley which is now so dated I'm not sure what I was thinking.

KnotKnot · 30/05/2021 19:08

When I was 15 I had a major crush on a 20 year old (I was taking guitar lessons from him). I'd stare at him, dress up going to his house, ask him to show me fingerings (musical, not anything else!!) , I cringe looking back now. He told me he really liked me, but I need to grow up, a perfect gentleman, and we'd see each other at gigs for many years afterwards. But looking back it was way too big an age difference at that age. I was a very different person by the time I was 20.