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A 15 year old girl dating a 20 year old man.....is this wrong?
72

AudreyAnyNews · 30/05/2021 17:06

No, I'm not asking on behalf of a friend/family member. I'm just reminiscing about my misspent youth...I'm in my sixties now. When I was 15, I dated a 20 year old guy. I found boys of my age very silly and immature. He was lovely, no sex until I was 16, we were together for nearly two years, but our lives went in different directions, sadly. My parents were NOT happy with me going out with him, they thought that there was something 'wrong' with him for not being with a girl nearer to his age. This was back in 1972/3. Would this be considered wrong or in any way abusive these days?

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AudreyAnyNews · 30/05/2021 19:12

@Custardo

something that is gladly not tolerated now. a 15 yr old is a child and a 20 yr old an adult. the 20 year old could prosecuted and who wants that o their DBS check when going for a job

Although I was 15 at the time, we didn't actually DTD until a few weeks after my 16th birthday, so there was no question of him being prosecuted. We stayed together for another year or so after that before I trained to be a nurse in another part of the country. I know this may sound snobbish, but he came from a background where getting married very young and having a brood of kids when still in your early twenties was common. His mum did exactly this. His family were lovely.
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DoingItMyself · 30/05/2021 19:16

"If you're big enough, you're old enough."

I was a teenager in the seventies, too. My family were very protective but I was aware of the general attitude, and the quote above was often heard.

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Bagelsandbrie · 30/05/2021 19:18

I was a teenager in the early 90s and when I was 16 I was going out for dinner with guys in their mid 20s - nothing ever happened beyond a kiss. I can’t say it’s okay, my own dd is 17 now and I’d be horrified if she went out with anyone older than 19 BlushGrin I do think there used to be a thing where girls wanted to date someone much older. I’ve talked about it with dd before and she thinks it’s horrible... she wouldn’t date anyone that old.

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MrsSchadenfreude · 30/05/2021 19:20

When I was 16 I had a boyfriend who was 24. No sex - I think, looking back, he was probably gay, and I was his “beard”.

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HangingOver · 30/05/2021 19:20

I was up to this when I was 15 in the early noughties but he was 23. I'm quite disturbed by it now Sad

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ufucoffee · 30/05/2021 19:21

When I was at school in the 70's we all had older boyfriends 17+ when we were 14 and 15. It was the norm.

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VioletCharlotte · 30/05/2021 19:21

When I was at secondary school in the late 80s and early 90s it was really common for the cool girls to have older boyfriends who picked them up from school in cars (not me, I was far too square! 🤣) You wouldn't be seen dead dating a boy from your own year back then.

It was also normal back then for 15 and 16 year olds to get served in pubs and smoke cigarettes.

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Mumoblue · 30/05/2021 19:22

If a 20 year old had approached me when I was 15 I think my mum would have murdered him.
I don’t think it’s a controversial stance to say that adults “dating” children is gross and wrong. Hmm

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StressyWoman · 30/05/2021 19:24

Yes it’s wrong. I had a 20 year old boyfriend when I was 14 and it makes my skin crawl now. When he slept with my best friend (also 14/15) I had a lightbulb moment that he wasn’t with me because I was really mature, reported him to the police and got told we’d both been silly... that was the end of it. These types of men only date younger girls because they can manipulate them and women their own age wouldn’t fancy them!

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Bagelsandbrie · 30/05/2021 19:24

@VioletCharlotte

When I was at secondary school in the late 80s and early 90s it was really common for the cool girls to have older boyfriends who picked them up from school in cars (not me, I was far too square! 🤣) You wouldn't be seen dead dating a boy from your own year back then.

It was also normal back then for 15 and 16 year olds to get served in pubs and smoke cigarettes.

Oh yes the drinking in pubs! We were all out clubbing in nightclubs and getting plastered on Hooch and Wkds. Dd has never been drunk and isn’t remotely interested in being drunk - it’s like a different world now, they ID everyone so much where we are theres no hope of underage teens getting a drink anywhere.
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FlorrieLindley · 30/05/2021 19:29

I was a teenager in the 70s, and things really were different back then. Although I wasn't allowed to go out with a boy until I was 16, I'd had a Saturday job in a boutique since I was 14, and you could leave school to get a job aged 15.
A couple of girls in my year in sixth form were 'dating' teachers, who were just qualified so would have been - what 22 or so? It was an open secret. A friend of mine went to the Isle of Wight Festival - hitch-hiking here and back - aged 16. No one batted an eye.

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KidneyBeans · 30/05/2021 19:33

My first boyfriend was 20 and I was 15
He wasn't very socially mature. We were together about a year.

I remember getting to 20 and thinking wtfConfused - there's no way i'd've been looking at school kids at that age

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Ozanj · 30/05/2021 19:33

@AudreyAnyNews

No, I'm not asking on behalf of a friend/family member. I'm just reminiscing about my misspent youth...I'm in my sixties now. When I was 15, I dated a 20 year old guy. I found boys of my age very silly and immature. He was lovely, no sex until I was 16, we were together for nearly two years, but our lives went in different directions, sadly. My parents were NOT happy with me going out with him, they thought that there was something 'wrong' with him for not being with a girl nearer to his age. This was back in 1972/3. Would this be considered wrong or in any way abusive these days?

I think you will find a class difference in how acceptable that is nowadays. I come from a very lower working class / non-working area and most people wouldn’t bat an eyelid if the girl was as young as 13 in that situation.

I am from a part Romany / part Indian background and knew girls from both backgrounds who were ‘married’ (but their parents never admitted it) by 12 to 20 yo’s & disappeared from school / the UK for long stretches whenever they got pregnant. That doesn’t seem to happen any more thank goodness but a 15 yo with a 20-25 yo would be considered acceptable.
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cookiecreampie · 30/05/2021 19:35

I often had men in their 20s attracted to me from about 14/ 15 onwards. To be fair I looked older. Some 15 year old girls can be more mature than others. I still don't think it's right but I don't think it's the worst of the worst.

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DNTSleepingDragons · 30/05/2021 19:37

I was 16 dating a 21 year old. He was a virgin as was I. Very much felt like we were on a level, he’d left school and worked on a farm full time since. All my friends had boyfriends of similar ages. None of us felt taken advantage of. None of our parents minded. This was 1995.

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fedup078 · 30/05/2021 19:38

When I was at school in the 90s girls would be going out with men in their 20s and i remember the school getting involved as they were dropping them off and picking them up in the school car park
One of my friends had a 21 yr old bf at 14! And her parents let him stay over!!!
One lad at 15 had a 50 yr old bf and again the school got involved, we were all up in arms saying they were homophobic!!!!
Then you grow up and have kids of your own and realise all these things were absolutely beyond inappropriate .

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Helpel · 30/05/2021 19:41

I think it's the 15 year old part tbh. I was 16 nearly 17 in the late nineties and had a 23 year old boyfriend. That was ok for everyone, even if slight eyebrow raised by my dad. I feel if I'd have been 15 it would be a different story. Crazy really, but that 1 year, coupled with legal age of consent, seemed to make a psychological difference

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ScrollingLeaves · 30/05/2021 19:46

“but he came from a background where getting married very young and having a brood of kids when still in your early twenties was common. His mum did exactly this. His family were lovely.“

I do think that in those days 15 was older, in that you could leave school and go to work, and lots of girls married at
around age 18 - 23 even those who stayed at school or went to university. Men married much younger too and were willing to try to take on responsibilities at a younger age.

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ScrollingLeaves · 30/05/2021 19:51

School l leaving age being at 15 was in the 1960s. I don’t know when that changed.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 30/05/2021 20:01

Same here from about 15 to 19 the men I dated were decidedly older. They never told me their ages. The guy when from 18-19 would have been tapping on 40... he wouldn’t tell me his age. I finally realised he must be in a relationship. I worked it out only due to past experience as when I was 15 the guy I went out with a few times must have been almost 30. He also hit on another school girl at my school a few weeks before unbeknownst to me and I was bullied relentlessly about getting with him. He was rather flaky and it petered out. A couple of months later, I went to a party and there he was with his very pregnant girlfriend. I was so naive at the time and didn’t realise guys really did this. Anyway I finally realised it was best to stick to someone my age having been pursued by several older men in relationships.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 30/05/2021 20:02

Oh I meant to add, yes looking back it was incredibly odd.

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Unsure33 · 30/05/2021 20:05

Me too. And I am in 60s as well . Parents did not approve but the more they tried to stop me the more determined I was .

When I look back he was a bit possessive but I thought I knew best . We went out for 3 years . I don’t really have any feelings about it either way . Definitely don’t feel it was weird . I had strong feelings for him but he was not the love of my life .

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Unsure33 · 30/05/2021 20:07

@VioletCharlotte. Yes I was drinking in local pubs at 15 or 16

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alexdgr8 · 30/05/2021 20:12

@ScrollingLeaves

School l leaving age being at 15 was in the 1960s. I don’t know when that changed.

good point. i couldn't quite remember, so checked , it was
from September 1972
that school leaving age rose to age 16.
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angieloumc · 30/05/2021 20:13

Me too. I had a boyfriend of 21 when I was 14, and one of 24 two years later. It's shocking really but those were the times. I'm 51 now. Thank goodness it's changed; my DD is 16 and I'd have plenty to say if she had a boyfriend that much older.

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