A 15 year old girl dating a 20 year old man.....is this wrong?
AudreyAnyNews · 30/05/2021 17:06
No, I'm not asking on behalf of a friend/family member. I'm just reminiscing about my misspent youth...I'm in my sixties now. When I was 15, I dated a 20 year old guy. I found boys of my age very silly and immature. He was lovely, no sex until I was 16, we were together for nearly two years, but our lives went in different directions, sadly. My parents were NOT happy with me going out with him, they thought that there was something 'wrong' with him for not being with a girl nearer to his age. This was back in 1972/3. Would this be considered wrong or in any way abusive these days?
Myusername33 · 30/05/2021 20:13
I was born in the 1980s and this was completely normal where I lived. I don’t know if it was because it was a very rural area and people were a bit strange. Some of the age gaps were often a lot worse than yours, some of them shockingly so. But at the time it was accepted, I was a teenager so dont really know what other adults thought about it all but no one got the police involved or anything.
Popcornbetty · 30/05/2021 20:14
When i was 15 a 19 year old asked me out and would regularly flirt with me, he knew it was wrong but thought i was closer to his age as we worked together. It seemed innocent really and nothing untoward.
When i was 17 a 28 year old hit on me and knew my age, it was a veey creepy experience and alot more unsettling that i still remember it to this day!
BetterThanKleenex · 30/05/2021 20:16
I was 15 when I met a 20 year old- it wasn't weird at the time but looking back it's concerning. My husband now is older than me but we met when I was an adult. Age gaps are fine when they're safe and sensible but in most cases 15 and 20 isn't.
Songsofexperience · 30/05/2021 22:32
I have a 21 year old DS and a DD almost 15. They are not in the same age group. I would be very uncomfortable with them dating someone with that age gap, both ways.
My first relationship at 15 was with a 29 year old - a disaster, very damaging. I met H at 19 and he was 29, and I don't think it was great either to be honest.
twoshedsjackson · 30/05/2021 22:41
Employment was very different back in the day; 15-year olds could be out in the world of work, although I was at grammar school, and parents were asked to agree before we joined the school that we would stay until we had taken "O"- levels; quite a fuss when a girl left regardless, but it turned out they couldn't stop her. But there were all kinds of "entry level" jobs out there which nowadays would need qualifications. So they would be seen as young adults, as they were bringing home a pay packet.
Having an older boyfriend was a sign of true sophistication, which I find worrying in retrospect when I remember how truly naive I was beneath the facade. (Not that I had one myself, but friends of my age had older boyfriends; in retrospect, worryingly unequal relationships.)
So true about the underage drinking. The pub opposite the school would serve pupils with braid on their blazers, (i.e. VIth form uniform) on the principle that anyone in the VIth form was as near 18 as dammit. I was an (admitttedly tall) 16 when I first went in there.
Totallyrandomname · 30/05/2021 22:48
Generally I think most people now would view this as very wrong. As I do. However as someone else mentioned there are undoubedtly cultures and families in which it is normalised.
Guavafish · 30/05/2021 22:51
I went to secondary school in the 00s and most of the girls in the classroom dated guys older about 17 to 25 years old and they were 14/15.
They kept it from their parents.
Cowbells · 30/05/2021 22:51
At 17 I dated a 22 year old. It was considered completely normal in the late 70s early 80s. We went out for two years. I sometimes stayed at his house and went to school from there as he lived nearer my school than I did. That's unthinkable these days. So much has changed.
Karmalady · 31/05/2021 07:38
Different times then. I went out with an older guy when I was 15, in 1970, had a great time, and no regrets at all. Boys my own age were very immature and fumbled a lot lol
But, I had been working holidays and weekends for quite a while, as most other girls I knew were, so no one really worried. We were considered, really, to be adults by that age.
The only thing I remember parents constantly threatening us all with was not getting pregnant, and ending up as “an unmarried mother”, as they were called then.
Great days, that still give me a smile now.
Popcornbetty · 31/05/2021 07:52
Forgot to say my expereinces happened in early 2000's.
Popcornbetty · 31/05/2021 07:52
Bluebellbelle · 31/05/2021 07:53
Back in the 70s I dated a 19 year at 14 and then married him at 16! Had a baby and then got divorced. All a traumatic time. I look back on it with incredulity. I do think it's more about the fact that my own parents were both working by the age of 14 as was normal for their generation, so their childhood was over and this affected their attitudes. I would never have accepted this for my own daughter. My own children refer to me as a rebel but looking back I feel I was unprotected. I love and don't blame my parents, it was a gross societal norm.
DoingItMyself · 31/05/2021 07:55
Around 1973-74. I was in the first year group to have to 'stay on till sixteen'. I had no plans to leave, anyway.
HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 31/05/2021 08:00
I was 15 when I started dating someone who was 19. This was in 2000's my parents werent over the moon but vaguely knew him and thought he was ok.
My sister is not far off 15 and I think wtf was he thinking, she is still so young. I couldn't go to the pub with him, he picked me up from school in his car and he was friendly with my friendship group. It's creepy now I look back.
HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 31/05/2021 08:02
Just to add my parents would have much preferred I didnt date him, so while they didnt encourage it, I wasnt exactly an angel child so can understand their thought process. I would have did it anyway, just secretly.
starrynight21 · 31/05/2021 08:02
I was 17 and DH was 28 when we first got together. We worked in the same place so I wasn't a schoolgirl . I saw nothing wrong with it then, and now in my 60's I still see nothing wrong ! Nobody bats an eyelid at the 11 year difference now of course - it's all relative.
EarthSight · 31/05/2021 08:24
It's so gross tbh. But at the time it was largely socially accepted.
I'm about the same age as you and in no way shape or form was it largely socially accepted then, any more than it is now. What planet are you living on??? Socially accepted? By your own age group or what? Was this in the U.K too?
When I was uni a 20 year old man was seen as a bit dodgy or could risk raising eyebrows if he dated a 17 year old and especially younger. He would be someone to possibly avoid. As for hitting on any girl they knew who was 16 or younger well that would be red flags all over the place.
shetlandponies · 31/05/2021 09:12
I was 15 in the mid 90s and loads of us had older boyfriends
It was like a badge of honour.
No one would go near the boys at school. Really creepy and horrible though looking back
RantyAnty · 31/05/2021 12:26
It's always been a thing and hasn't stopped.
There will always be predators after young girls.
I was 13 and had a 17 year old boyfriend. It was a secret though as my Dad would have punched his lights out had some words with him.
SVRT19674 · 31/05/2021 15:48
When I was 17 I went out with a 20 year old, but at 15 no. The difference was way too stark.
SwordofGryffindor · 31/05/2021 17:23
Yes. Its disgusting and taking advantage of a child
PugInTheHouse · 03/06/2021 16:50
At 13 I had an 18 yo boyfriend. He was quite immature and hadn't had sex before. It still was wrong really as we did go further than 13 yos should be.
I never liked boys my own age so would never have dated one, I have always gone out with older men so that's never actually changed. It's creepy looking back really, I don't know how common it is now though but in the 90s it was really normal.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.