How do you end a relationship with someone who adores you?

[barmybird]

I'm struggling. I have been seeing someone for 18 months. We get on well, he is great with my dd, supportive caring and honest- sounds great! problem is he and I are very different and although to begin with this was part of the attraction now it is driving me mad. I'm frustrated, feeling a little swamped and seriously thinking about ending our relationship. I just don't know how. I know that sounds stupid but I have tried to end it previously and he makes me feel so guilty and awful that I cave in. I know he loves me and that he would never hurt me (unlike my 2 xh) but thats not enough. How do I do this?? I feel awful just thinking about it.

Thanks all. I'm currently ignoring the phone as he has texted to say his son wants to talk to me about why we have split up. To be honest I have no energy left, this is all happening as I change jobs . I have left a job I loved today and friends that I have known for 8 years. I just want tomorrow out the way

Life can only get better.

I can't leave the stuff on his doorstep as it contains some valuable stuff. I have to face him I'm afraid.

You could leave stuff on your own doorstep or just inside the porch and be out when he comes round. Or you could get some one else to open the door. Why put yourself out to take it to him? Let him come and get it.

Me taking his stuff back is a form of self protection (believe it or not!). He lives in a rough area which I have always hated, so going there will be another reminder of why we could never work long term. He has previously come down here to fetch his stuff and has managed to use it to talk me round .

I've just got to take a deep breath and get on with it. I'm dreading it though, hence I'm up and about this early!

Barmy I hear you!!!

You will be fine. He has no power over you. Using his son is really, really low, trying anything to make you feel guilty...don't fall for it, his son is being used, it isn't your problem if that's how he treats his children, nor is it your problem that he can't handle you going...however I strongly suspect he will be handling it fine within a week, as he has someone to 'blame' and can then go and find someone else who will feel sorry for him.

Sorry about your job. I hope you have an Ok weekend without feeling too stressed. He has no power.
Good luck today sweetie! x

How did you get on? Hoping it went Ok x

Hi all. Yes it went ok. He now has all his stuff back. He was very quiet and has since texted saying I have broken his heart . I realised on the way home that this is the first time I have been the one to end a relationship! and I'm 40 no wonder I was stressing about it.

The job is fine, it was my decision and I'm moving onto better things its just leaving my collaegues was an added stress I perhaps didn't need this week.

I am off for a well earned soak in the bath. Thanks again for all your support. The worst is over I just need to ignore the attempts at manipulation.

Brilliant, I am so pleased for you. You probably feel horrid at the moment but that's not your fault. Yes, come back and yell if you need to talk over the next few days etc, good luck fending him off!

You have done the right thing.

Am ok. early night for me. Better day tomorrow.

Well done Barmy - hope you are ok and the new job goes well.

well done! good luck in your new job- at least it will take your mind off it

He's ill in hospital. I feel awful. Continues to text and tell me he loves me! its not going well

turn off your phone. NOW. he is no longer your responsibility. He is surrounded by professionals who will look after him.

If he really is in hospital at all.

Don't feel awful that's playing into his hands.

You have no duty towards him - ignore all further texts.

As last poster said, how do you know he is in hospital? Remember you are not allowed to use mobiles in hospital, not unless he is ringing from a phone by the bed or a pay phone.

IGNORE HIM

You are free, enjoy your new job.

I know, its not my responsibility but I do feel awful. I'm a soft touch I guess and I do care about him. Its difficult to cut that off.

I do believe he's in hospital as he had recurring health problems while we were together.