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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've given him my phone number eeeeeek!

80 replies

fortunacookie · 30/05/2021 09:10

I've met a lovely guy at work, we chat a lot when we can and I've dropped hints that I'm single and I've found out he is too...well today at end of my shift I just wrote my number down on some paper and gave it to him saying 'if you fancy a chat' and then bolted out of the door !! Shock

So now I'm waiting to see if:-

A) he doesn't text at all to which it will be so awkward on our next shift together; or

B) he messages and politely declines which will also be awkward but hey I can deal with it and move on; or

C) he tells me he feels the same and we live happily ever after

BTW I am 49 and so is he - although I know I'm acting like a teenager but I'm too damn impatient!!

Hmm
OP posts:
Femme99 · 01/06/2021 18:09

No update since 30th, did you hear back OP, hope it all works out!

Original poster
fortunacookie · 02/06/2021 12:48

Hi all sorry not updated was a bit fed up to be honest.

So I gets to work yesterday, I see him, a little awkward but then later he catches me and says quietly 'sorry I haven't messaged you but that's because I'm seeing someone' Shock

Now I did ask him if he was single to which his reply was 'I'm separated'.

I would never have gave him my number thinking he wasn't single so I feel he was a bit misleading !

Ah well...thanks all for taking time to reply!

OP posts:
Alternista · 02/06/2021 13:16

Ah OP, I’m sorry.
I still think good for you for giving it a shot. Chin up and it’s his loss x

rainbowstardrops · 02/06/2021 13:18

Oh that's a shame but go you for doing it anyway! Onwards and upwards

pepperpotts1222 · 02/06/2021 13:35

YES QUEEN HE WILL LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Wine

INeedNewShoes · 02/06/2021 13:56

Ah OP, I'm sorry. This happened to me once too. Months of what seemed like showing interest and then I gave him my number and he sent me a text saying he was married. I remember the feeling well and it's getting on for 20 years ago.

RantyAnty · 02/06/2021 14:16

Well done for being brave.
Yes, he was misleading.

Sillysandy · 02/06/2021 16:25

Ah boo!!!

You are my personal hero though, I come across so confident and am a massive flirt but I could never ever ask a man out or give him my number.

For what it's worth he will have spent the weekend thinking what-if. He was definitely attracted or he wouldn't have answered "I'm separated."

What I suspect happened is he was early days with someone and struggled with whether he was available to message you and they had The Talk over the weekend. I may be projecting as I was the new girlfriend in this scenario with my DP. I know he was extremely flattered.

Nuggetnugget · 02/06/2021 16:28

At least he was honest though its a pity he wasn't more honest when you asked him before. Maybe this person is quite new

Flowers
TokyoSushi · 02/06/2021 16:32

Oh goodness, you sound fabulous though OP, onwards and upwards!!

Amdone123 · 02/06/2021 17:00

Never mind, @fortunacookie, you'll meet someone.

CandyFIosss · 02/06/2021 17:06

This is why I’m not a fan of making the first move with men sorry

cookiecreampie · 02/06/2021 17:07

@Sillysandy

Ah boo!!!

You are my personal hero though, I come across so confident and am a massive flirt but I could never ever ask a man out or give him my number.

For what it's worth he will have spent the weekend thinking what-if. He was definitely attracted or he wouldn't have answered "I'm separated."

What I suspect happened is he was early days with someone and struggled with whether he was available to message you and they had The Talk over the weekend. I may be projecting as I was the new girlfriend in this scenario with my DP. I know he was extremely flattered.

Or maybe he was being kind. If he has a partner and also just doesn't fancy the OP he's not going to say oh sorry "Im seeing someone and I don't like you" is he? He's just going to use having a partner as the focal point of why he never text her to let he down gently.
AngelDelightUk · 02/06/2021 17:11

Damn! Did he act normal afterwards?

You never know it might give him food for though!

Sandra15 · 02/06/2021 18:40

@CandyFIosss

This is why I’m not a fan of making the first move with men sorry
But at least you know. If she hadn't done this, she might have been thinking he likes her and waited until the next millennium for him to do something about it.
Sandra15 · 02/06/2021 18:43

@cookiecreampie Or maybe he was being kind. If he has a partner and also just doesn't fancy the OP he's not going to say oh sorry "Im seeing someone and I don't like you" is he? He's just going to use having a partner as the focal point of why he never text her to let he down gently.

But it isn't kind. I used to lie when I was younger and tell boys (not men, when I was very young) if I had been out with them once, didn't like them enough and they asked me out again that I had "decided to give it another go with my ex.". It was disingenuous of me.

Now, if someone asked me out and I were single and didn't fancy them, but liked them as a person, I would probably meet them but then make it clear there was no romance on the cards. If they wanted to be mates I would, if they didn't, then the choice is theirs.

CandyFIosss · 02/06/2021 18:58

Sorry I’m old fashioned I think if a man likes you he would approach you, that’s just my thoughts though!

WatieKatie · 02/06/2021 20:12

Not the answer you wanted OP but at least you can now draw a line under him and move on.

Don’t let it stop you in the future.

Candleabra · 02/06/2021 20:27

I agree it isn't kind. He was chancing his arm, having a flirt, and is now backtracking massively. He said he was separated!

I always think men get the benefit of the doubt in this situation, as though they're completely clueless and accidentally let you think they like you and after you boost their ego ...ooops sorry I have a girlfriend. Not a good guy after all.

Original poster
fortunacookie · 02/06/2021 20:34

@INeedNewShoes

Ah OP, I'm sorry. This happened to me once too. Months of what seemed like showing interest and then I gave him my number and he sent me a text saying he was married. I remember the feeling well and it's getting on for 20 years ago.
I know I feel more silly now and don't think I'd do anything like that again !
OP posts:
Original poster
fortunacookie · 02/06/2021 21:13

@Candleabra

I agree it isn't kind. He was chancing his arm, having a flirt, and is now backtracking massively. He said he was separated!

I always think men get the benefit of the doubt in this situation, as though they're completely clueless and accidentally let you think they like you and after you boost their ego ...ooops sorry I have a girlfriend. Not a good guy after all.

He's been very chatty with me, like nothing happened really so I'm kind of glad as yes I can move on now but do wish I'd have found out beforehand but hey, my fault for being impatient.

Candyflosss I have never asked a guy out in my life , I am quite reserved at first but felt like he was kind of interested but yeah I misread his signals

OP posts:
FourTurnings · 02/06/2021 21:23

You go girl!! I have done this kind of thing, it’s quite empowering!!

FourTurnings · 02/06/2021 21:24

Sorry hrthft. Well done anyway!

Candleabra · 02/06/2021 21:27

You haven't done anything wrong, and he was interested, you didn't misread the signals. Just move on. I wouldn't think about it any more.

sociallydistained · 02/06/2021 21:36

OP, I feel like this could still turn positive for you... he may realise the person he is seeing is not for him and he really likes you so will end it and then approach. Maybe wishful thinking as I thought you were very brave!