Dating - expecting too much?

[kiddo5467]

Bit of background....divorced 5 years after ExH had an affair.

Done OLD on & off for last 4 years.
Mostly 3-4 dates max and it doesn't work out for various reasons. Met one guy I initially liked, dated 7-8 months and he was perfect on paper but just felt like something was missing. That ended 18 months ago and back to square one with OLD.

Now been on 4 dates with another lovely guy who seems really keen. He's funny, attentive, keen and I'd say he is attractive BUT I'm not attracted to him??! 🤦🏽‍♀️

With the guy I dated 18 months ago I put it down to the fact that someone can be good on paper but there's no spark and nothing much I could do about it. However, now it's happening again, I'm wondering if it's me?

5 years after my divorce I'm happier than ever and ready to move on but it's almost like I'm finding a problem with everyone. If you asked me why I don't fancy this guy I couldn't even put my finger on it!

I don't know if I've been single too long that I'm expecting too much. I always have a nice time with this guy, he's keen (maybe slightly overly keen?), and he's not unattractive, there's just no flutters/butterflies/fireworks. Am I expecting too much?

Isn't that the same as when we used to meet people before OLD though ?
You can go to a hobby, or work, or the pub, or a party and talk to loads of people before you just find yourself attracted to that one person.

Not everybody gets butterflies / fireworks when they meet their soulmate anyway. A lot of people find people grow on them.

Agree with pp, not everyone who's nice and lovely will be the right person for you. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, just means maybe you haven't met the right person yet.

Previous guy you gave a good old try and it still didn't click, so that was definitely a no go. This guy, have you had a kiss? I have found myself not very attracted to men in the past, but then had a passionate kiss and it changed everything.

With an ex, I remember being a bit meh on the first 2 dates. But liked his company enough to want to see him again. We then did sleep together, and the smell of him...BAM, it was all these feelings I hadn't had before. Also, I had assumed he was quite a skinny guy but under his clothes he was pure muscle. And I'd thought his keenness meant he was a bit wet, turns out he was just trying to win me over because after that night he relaxed completely, and became his usual confident self. So am very glad I decided to persevere until that point or I'd have lost a good one.

But even if this guy isn't giving you the feels, doesn't mean there isn't one out there who will!