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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I love my partner but I don't think we are compatible

57 replies

c0rnishpasties · 27/05/2021 22:37

I love my partner of 2 year so much. He makes me laugh, I enjoy being around him, he is there for me and very supportive. We have things in common but when it comes to compatablity I'm worried that something isn't right. He never wants do do anything. He enjoys sitting at home and nothing else. I am very outgoing and would like to take trips and go for walks. But we never do because he doesn't want to. He doesn't work, and I work through the week and spend every weekend sitting in the house doing nothing even though I'd like to be out having fun and making memories. But we do the same thing every weekend. I asked him to help me pain my room and he complained about it so much and every time I ask to do something with him he tells me how I guilt tripped him into helping me paint my room so I can't complain that he never does anything I'd like to do.
This breaks my heart...but I would love to have the courage to break up with him and find someone I can have adventures with and enjoy my youth with making memories. I find it worrying that at 20 years of age I'm doing nothing but working and sitting in the house. I love him so much and I don't want to leave him. Will I regret my choice? I really wish I had someone to talk to about this, I feel so alone...

OP posts:
Unanananana · 27/05/2021 22:39

He sounds like a 14 year old. Why doesn't he work? Does he do housework?

Oly4 · 27/05/2021 22:40

You won’t regret it.. you might love him but at 20 who wants to stay in the house all weekend? Of course you want to go out, have fun, do things and travel. That’s natural.
Something definitely “isn’t right”.. find somebody to have fun with.
Me and DH are late 40s and still going out lots and having fun.

ImFree2doasiwant · 27/05/2021 22:41

I think you really know the answer to this. Please, finish with him and live your life!

Embracelife · 27/05/2021 22:42

You are20
Move on.

user1592512579 · 27/05/2021 22:47

Definitely move on. Love isn't enough!

Thinkaboutthings · 27/05/2021 22:52

That sounds ridiculous. He literally does nothing? How does he survive financially if he doesn’t work?

RantyAnty · 27/05/2021 22:52

Definitely move on.
Go live your life without this anchor dragging you down.
I wouldn't even worry about relationships for at least another 5 years.

Runkle · 27/05/2021 22:59

I thought you were going to say you were a couple in your 50s!
Move on, sooner the better. Be single for a bit and do what you want.

Original poster
c0rnishpasties · 27/05/2021 23:05

He's my best friend, I have nothing but him and our pets....how will I cope without him? He's the only person I have to support me emotionally. I live to spend time with him...even if it is on his terms. I'm smitten and I know it's naive...but just moving on is easier said than done...

OP posts:
Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 27/05/2021 23:09

You are so young, leave him. You may love him, but love just isn't always enough. He doesn't respect you enough to do what you want even occasionally.
My dh is v similar, in that he'd rather chill at home playing guitar, pc games etc, but the difference is, if I or ds want to do something he's happy to come along or if he isn't, he wouldn't consider stopping us and convincing us to stay home.
Go out, do things, find someone who likes doing things, or is at least willing to join in when you want to.

Summerhillsquare · 27/05/2021 23:10

Let me guess, he's older than you, right? Doesn't support your career, discourages you from seeing friends?

Castlepeak · 27/05/2021 23:11

How is he paying his bills?

But much more important ... there is a much better out waiting for you. There is also a better one waiting for him. Each of you deserves someone that will wake up with on a Saturday and not absolutely struggle to agree on how to spend the day.

AtrociousCircumstance · 27/05/2021 23:13

Leave him. And yes it will be a wrench because you’re attached, and yes it will take courage. But you will in time build better relationships, in fact if you build a life you want to (ie going out into the world and doing interesting stuff) you will meet so many like minded people who can become part of a new support structure.

You cannot waste your life like this. Leave him. Good luck 💪🏼

HollowTalk · 27/05/2021 23:14

Are you paying for everything? If not, who is?

He sounds far too lazy and selfish. You're so young. You need better friends than this.

Branleuse · 27/05/2021 23:16

He sounds like a nice friend, but not someone you should choose as a life partner. You need someone who complements you, matches your energy and ambition. These things are important and a big mismatch will breed resentment.

Castlepeak · 27/05/2021 23:18

He is also probably your only serious relationship, maybe the only person with whom you have shared physical intimacy, and you are imagining how wondering and special it would be to have that relationship last for the next 80 years. BTDT. It won’t happen. You will compromise and compromise and if then one day you will finally get angry. Don’t let it take years.

AgeLikeWine · 27/05/2021 23:18

He doesn't work, and I work through the week and spend every weekend sitting in the house doing nothing

So you work to support him while he sits on his arse at home? What is he actually doing all day while you’re out at work to put food on his plate? Computer games? Weed? Pornhub? All of the above?

You can do so much better than this useless loser so please don’t waste any more of your life on him and find someone who isn’t a leech.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 27/05/2021 23:20

Run away, he sounds like a black hole. You are only young once and you are wasting it on him! Doing nothing at all 7 days a week!?!? Is he massively stoned or something?

Guavafish · 27/05/2021 23:27

My partner would moan if I asked him to help me paint! He hates DIY. Have you thought about going to places with friends or family? Are you ok with doing separate things? Is they any hobbies you both enjoy together?

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 27/05/2021 23:32

You don't have to choose between staying in and separating - yet. You can tell him explicitly that this is how you feel, make a list of definite plans of things you ARE going to do and tell him that you'd like him with you, but that you ARE going to do these things without him if you have to. He can either support you and be glad for you to go out with friends, or come out with you. Or you can split up. It doesn't have to be an ultimatum straight away.

You do have to live the life you want to live, though. Don't settle for doing nothing just because.

Dontletitbeyou · 28/05/2021 00:53

You’re 20 years old . You literally have your whole life ahead of you .
Why is he not working , and complaining when you ask him to help you do something. He sounds like he’s happy as things are , you doing all the work .
Look very carefully at all the posts on here, you will find the answer to your question . If you stay with him and eventually have DC with him , this lazy selfish man child will ruin your life . You will be left to do everything , and the frustration and hate will set in .
Best advice I can give is you have one life , you owe to yourself to make it as happy as you can . Move on , leave his lazy arse for someone else to deal with

Changechangychange · 28/05/2021 01:26

Of course you don’t have anything but him and your pets, you never leave the house to do anything!

If you went out doing things every weekend, you would have friends and hobbies and plans, and would be quite happy to ditch him.

Why not start doing something by yourself on a Saturday? Take up a hobby or do a class or activity, and make some friends. You will still have Sunday and every weeknight to sit at home with him.

ClaryFairchild · 28/05/2021 01:38

It sounds like he's a wonder friend. There are a lot of people who can make wonderful friends, but far less that would make wonderful partners. He is definitely NOT a wonderful partner.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/05/2021 01:42

I have nothing but him and our pets

Except your youth, your energy, hope for the future, a job. There is a world out there and he will sit in a darkened room and let is go past. Don't sit in there with him.

ElizabethTudor · 28/05/2021 01:47

If he doesn’t work and doesn’t go out, what do he do? How does he contribute to your life?
Based on your posts I’d say life is too bloody short, and quite frankly he sounds like a massive drip. I’d be off.

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