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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do you make of this?

63 replies

Dottydashdot · 27/05/2021 22:24

If a friend did any of the following to you what would you make of it?

You buy the tickets for both of you for an event and you meet there. She offers to buy lunch for both of you but the bill doesn't cover her share of the tickets. Doesn't offer the difference. Happens several times.

Invites herself to stay at your house a lot including several weekends on the trot whilst she sorts out her parents house probate. They lived very close to you. Rarely if ever returns the favour. Probably a 5/95 ratio.

If you go shopping together gathers up armful of clothes to try on and expects you to help her choose and get other clothes for her whilst she's in the changing room. You lose the will to live to find anything for yourself. Tries to take an item of clothing out of your hands that you have picked up to look at.

Tells you a different version of events than her husband ie why someone fell out with her. Other conversations that don't add up.

Insists on borrowing a dress you have only just bought.

Borrows other items but never returns them.

Is told by a manager about your redundancy from a job where you both work a few days before you are told and then makes a show of trying to prevent it although it is pointless.

Withholds an invite to a party by a mutual friend and goes with someone else instead.

Takes over your big birthday trip abroad, makes all the decisions including shopping trips which are not your thing. You are early stage IVF pregnancy, not feeling great which goes unnoticed and you miscarry when you get home. Tries to get everyone's contact details so she can keep in touch with them.

Agrees to spend Easter with you and then acts as if you haven't had the conversation the next time you see her ie she's doing something else. Happened several times.

You ask for a very rare favour from her as you are setting up a business. She forgets to do it.

Calls you when she's staying at her parents house and tries to order you to go to the local supermarket to get her a hairdryer because she's forgotten hers and washed her hair. Her husband is sitting next to her having breakfast. Both houses are equal distance to the same supermarket.

Asks you about your Sky package and you give her a card offering both of you vouchers if she signs up. She signs up but doesn't use the deal.

You travel two hours to meet her by train and she's an hour and a half late from her journey which is ten minutes away. No explanation.

She tries to offer you your birthday gift which she's smashed on the way.

Puts a stool between you and the person you are talking to in a bar and sits on it so you can't see them anymore.

Would like the puppy you are rehomimg (pedigree but you have kept back to sort out health issues) but can you hold onto it whilst she goes on holiday and various social events. Expects it for free.

OP posts:
Unanananana · 27/05/2021 22:28

She sounds like a jerk. Ditch her.

LivingLaVidaCovid · 27/05/2021 22:30

I would wonder why you were still in contact with them...

firsttimeoptimist · 27/05/2021 22:32

I think you are analysing the friendship because you are unhappy with it. Some friendships are eternal others just end. If you dont want to be friends anymore just say so!

Dottydashdot · 27/05/2021 22:34

She has this incredible persona of being everyone's friend, life and soul of the party. People love her!

OP posts:
Ohdoleavemealone · 27/05/2021 22:38

They probably don't like her. People like this never have real friends.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2021 22:41

I highly doubt people love her. If they think they do, it's because they barely know her. She is no friend of yours. Stop being a doormat for her bullshit and ditch her.

ChairmansReserve · 27/05/2021 22:41

Takes over your big birthday trip abroad, makes all the decisions including shopping trips which are not your thing. You are early stage IVF pregnancy, not feeling great which goes unnoticed and you miscarry when you get home. Tries to get everyone's contact details so she can keep in touch with them.

I think you are being extremely unfair here.

It was your choice to go abroad early on in an ivf pregnancy.

Your miscarriage was not down to her and it is odd the way you include it here along with her other 'crimes'.

What is wrong with her getting the contact details of people she was on holiday with? Hmm

Dottydashdot · 27/05/2021 22:41

Perhaps I should ask them. Feeling a bit guilty about wanting to ditch her . My perception doesn't seem to match her persona.

OP posts:
Palavah · 27/05/2021 22:43

Stop trying to spend time with her. Don't let her borrow stuff. Learn to say 'no'.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 27/05/2021 22:44

Please see my post re my so called best friend. It's really not worth the stress of being friends with dickheads

RaininSummer · 27/05/2021 22:44

I only read the first part of your post and decided that this 'friend' is a major PITA and takes the piss.

Dottydashdot · 27/05/2021 22:45

She has a tendency to take over but is very protective of her other friends ie wouldn't like you to contact them without her. I think she could have been a bit more sensitive to my condition to be honest. It felt like 'showtime'.

OP posts:
notthemum · 27/05/2021 22:47

Sorry OP. I think this particular 'friendship ' has truly run its course. Some do this and honestly are not worth holding on to.
Try to imagine any of us who have replied saying what you have just told us and think how you would react and what you would advise us to do. 💐

RantyAnty · 27/05/2021 22:47

Boundaries.

You're not a feather floating around every time she puffs air at it.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 27/05/2021 22:55

What would I make of it?

She's an absolute prick, a user extraordinaire and you're a pushover / don't like confrontation to the point it's worrying and you need to take some responsibility for a lack of boundaries on your part.

Dottydashdot · 27/05/2021 22:57

Totally agree about boundaries. Weird thing is she's very convincing and vocal about being a kind and caring person but her actions don't match. I have pulled her a few times but she kinda goes blank. I don't think it's resolvable now but just wanted to check others perceptions. Can't really discuss irl because other people don't see it.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 27/05/2021 23:06

It's like men who say early on in saying 'I'm a nice guy' or even worse 'I'm too nice for my own good and people take advantage'. If you need to say it... it's less likely to be true. Bin her off, she's not nice to you!

Dottydashdot · 27/05/2021 23:06

BTW I don't organise events, invite her to my house, go shopping with her anymore. I didn't give her the puppy or fetch the hairdryer for her so not a total doormat. She's just done something which I won't reveal as it's a bit outing but it may be the straw that broke the camels back.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2021 23:07

Can't really discuss irl because other people don't see it.

Or.... these other people don't experience her bullshit because she knows they would never tolerate it. Sadly, you do, and she knows she can get away with damn near anything. Stop this madness.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 27/05/2021 23:08

@Aquamarine1029

Can't really discuss irl because other people don't see it.

Or.... these other people don't experience her bullshit because she knows they would never tolerate it. Sadly, you do, and she knows she can get away with damn near anything. Stop this madness.

Or they all think they're the only one who thinks she isn't nice!
Nannyamc · 27/05/2021 23:10

Oh dear..give this friendship a break.
It all has to work both ways or it will not succeed . Boundaries need to be set. Your control of this situation is up to you. It is your life

HollowTalk · 27/05/2021 23:12

I wouldn't have anything more to do with her. I wouldn't care who thought she was nice - they'd be welcome to her. If asked, I'd just say that she'd treated you very badly and you don't consider anyone who does that a true friend. I wouldn't blank her in the street, but I would block calls and her social media etc.

RogueV · 27/05/2021 23:17

Ditch

Guavafish · 27/05/2021 23:19

You seem to be a bit of a push over and don’t know when to say no or tell her off!

I think I would be so angry if my friend turned up 2 hours late at a train station. I would have gone back.

Doesn’t sound like a close friend- keep them at arms length away or ditch them.

AdaColeman · 27/05/2021 23:21

She isn't your friend.

Walk away.

Learn to say NO.

Start valuing yourself and start putting yourself first.