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Original poster

Should I stay or should I go?

54 replies

jabbajabba1 · 27/05/2021 19:28

DP has become day trading obsessed. I gave him my savings to put some into it. And some into a joint savings account (stupid I know). He moved money over from the savings account, into trading without my knowledge. And after a few bad moves, we’ve lost everything. Our house deposit. Which is mostly my savings.

To make matters worse, he doesn’t currently have a job. As he wanted to change careers. He’s doing everything he can to get employment and make amends. He is a smart person. And he’s very kind and caring.

We’re engaged. But not married. I love him. But I just don’t know if I can trust him. And this just isn’t the life I want, or have worked for. I’ve studied. I’ve taken extra weekend work etc. I haven’t lived extravagantly. I feel sick about what's happened. I can't eat, sleep or concentrate. And I just don't know what to do.
The thought of being single at my age (I’m 34) scares me. I really want to have children.

What do I do?

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 27/05/2021 19:35

I'd be done.

He basically stole your savings, gambled and lost it. That was your house deposit.

And he doesn't work. I don't care how fucking smart he is - he's a tosser.

premium77 · 27/05/2021 19:36

He’s a gambling addict. How can you look be someone who has taken financial security away from you? You have to start again at 34

Xoxoxoxoxoxox · 27/05/2021 19:38

This sounds very distressing for you, how is he addressing it, has he given up trading?
I suppose for me it would depend how much he's lost and I certainly wouldn't be rushing into marriage with him, the fact it was your money that he gambled is unforgivable, it would sew a lot of doubt in my mind.

notapizzaeater · 27/05/2021 19:42

Is it totally lost ? Or just in shares that are doing rubbish ?

How does he intend paying the money back ?

Original poster
jabbajabba1 · 27/05/2021 19:44

Totally lost. He's going to get a job. He wants to start a business as well.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/05/2021 19:45

I would cut your losses now and end the relationship. You may well love him but that is not enough here. He could further leave you in financial hardship, he’s already pissed away some of your hard earned cash.

Notagain20 · 27/05/2021 19:46

Oh OP, he took your money, money you worked hard for and intended for a house - he took your money and gambled it away. I don't think this is someone to have children with or share your life with. Howccould you ever trust him?

So sorry you've been treated like this.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/05/2021 19:47

If there is no trust there is really no relationship.

He’s a dreamer and is riding on your coattails. He is never going to be at all responsible is he?. He will behave the same in a decade, do not therefore wait for him to have an epiphany.

litterbird · 27/05/2021 19:50

I am so very sorry this has happened. I saw my best friend lose absolutely everything with the same story. She was just about to put the deposit down (70k) on a house they got and he traded (gambled) the lot and lost the lot. This was 15 years ago. She left him immediately. She has only just got herself back on her feet. Sadly she has no home to call her own and now lives in rented at the age of 55. You must leave and never look back. Never marry him or have children. Leave soon.

UnsolicitedDickPic · 27/05/2021 19:53

I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. I would leave. I could never trust that man again for as long as I lived.

Ginger1982 · 27/05/2021 20:19

You do not want kids with this idiot.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2021 20:23

Are you fucking kidding me? How is it he is still allowed to live with you? I'm astounded you even need to ask if you should end it. Marrying him would be like swimming with an anchor around your neck. BTW, a "caring" man would not steal your house deposit.

ElspethFlashman · 27/05/2021 20:28

Dealbreaker.

And if its not a Dealbreaker for you, you're a mug.

Because he's not a smart person. Every gambling addict thinks they're smart. He's just an arrogant fool who's spent too much time jizzing about "stonks" on Reddit.

FetchezLaVache · 27/05/2021 20:33

I think we can al anticipate that his 'business' will entail him 'working' 70 hrs a week for an average of two quid an hour while you pick up the slack in the financial and housework departments, OP. Get rid.

quiteqwerty · 27/05/2021 20:34

As a gambling addict, until he rehabs himself he will continue to do self-destructive things to him and you. It is not for you to 'save' him so to speak and it won't happen if there is no consequence to his actions - ie: you stay together.

34 is still young to have kids. Don't stay out of fear of something. Leave because you know you deserve better.

Onthemaintrunkline · 27/05/2021 20:36

Echoing all comments above. How could you ever trust him again. Start a business, with what?!! .....the man’s a dreamer.

quiteqwerty · 27/05/2021 20:36

I knew a couple where the man spent their entire savings including deposit on the house just after getting married. Needless tl say they didn't stay married long.

chickenyhead · 27/05/2021 20:37

Run.

Seriously run.

Don't look back.

Write the money off on helping you swerve a horrific life with him. Money well spent.

Run.

bigbaggyeyes · 27/05/2021 20:38

Has he got any money at all, does he have a car, motorbike, games console? He should sell everything he can to pay you as much back as possible, even if it means he's driving round in a 500 quid car.

Once you've got back as much as you can I'd set up a direct debit where he pays you a set amount and then I'd leave. I couldn't ever fully trust someone who lied and lost all my money without my consent

FuckyouCovid21 · 27/05/2021 20:40

How much of your money did he lose?

queenofthenorthwest · 27/05/2021 21:19

Leave.

PinkSatinMoon · 27/05/2021 21:23

@jabbajabba1

Totally lost. He's going to get a job. He wants to start a business as well.
He wants to start a Business...

it's code for.. I refuse to be told what to do and therefore will not work for anyone else ..

Get RID of this clown 🌸

ElspethFlashman · 27/05/2021 21:26

Start a business...... With what fucking capital.

Delusions of grandeur.

Merryoldgoat · 27/05/2021 21:37

You cannot have a child with him so if you want kids you have to leave.

And you should.

Thelnebriati · 27/05/2021 21:38

Forget all his claims that he will get a job and start a business; what he needs to do is repay the money he took from you and gambled away. He needs to do that even if you split up.

He can only do that if he gets a job. Not an 'ideal career' job, just a job that pays the bills.

He's treating you like a mug. Is this the life you want?

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