Any thoughts or advice

[Mat12345]

Hi,

Id appreciate some thoughts on my situation

Married father of 1 toddler. I've been a very hands on father and love my child very much. I've helped with as much as I can and do each day. I'm also trying to do our house up on my days off work and at weekends I take everyone out for activities whilst still trying to work on the house.
Tbh I'm pretty exhausted and feel burnt out.

My child can be very loud and emotional at times and I find it very hard to cope with the loudness and my wife is not affected by this so doesn't seem to care.

I told my wife many times that I don't want any more children as as much as I love my child I just find it too laborious and exhausting and don't enjoy it much (being inside for long periods) and now have so many things that fall on me both physically and finanically (house costs are all covered by me for repairs and doing up but we split the monthly bills roughly down the middle).

My wife had an iud after our child was born to prevent another pregnancy.

We haven't been physical much in the last year mainly due to sleeping in different rooms whilst the house is being worked on etc.

The other week my wife told me she was pregnant.I asked how as she has an iud.
She told me she took it out last year and did it out of love as she wanted our child to have a sibling.

To me this is incredibly unfair on me as I am having to pick up more of the things on top of everything else due to pregnancy related conditons where my wife can't do much.
I also have a hard deadline on the things I need to sort on rhe house (think whole house renovation for each room minus heating etc)

My wife will also quite happily contract people to do some jobs on the house but I am picking up the bill for which has messed my budget I was working to and topping up each month up causing more stress.

At the moment I don't know if I want to be in the relationship anymore and she will have days of not talking and ignoring me as I have shouted and said things when I get tired and burnt out.

Any thoughts or advice appreciated

And she couldn't afford it by herself in terms of taking on the mortgage.

Your financial setup is deeply unhealthy. If you both work, you should be looking at your outgoings and putting money into a shared account according to what each of you earns. Then you discuss how much you're saving and how, and each of you should have spends of your own. Everything that relates to what your child needs is joint. You certainly shouldn't be lending your wife money and expecting repayment, that isn't OK.

Our finances are sperstw. I pay all the hills and she transfers roughly 50% of that to my account. This side of it works well.

The trip was a knee off thing where she didn't have the money so she asked me for it and I said I would lend her it.

Childcare is 50/50 then we spend what we like separately on our child.

Sorry about typos hopefully meaning doesn't change too much!

This was also before we had a child

Doesn't sound like she cares a whit for you.

Go see a solicitor and see what you can do.

Your relationship is over.

You need to sell your home, get your deposit back and split the value and star again.

You will have to pay CM.

She neither respects you, nor likes you.

Move on and be there for your children.

But your marriage is over IMO.

So in case anyone is interested here is an update.

She went to the 12 week scan by herself as she said that "You don't want the child".

She is trying to make me feel guilty about not wanting the child and then punishing me by making herself seem like the victim.

I've told her I want to sell the house so we can go our separate ways but she won't sell.
She has did I don't have to pay anything towards the running costs of the house so I can move out but this is not acceptable to me as it means I can't move on financially and can't ever buy a place etc in the future.

It also puts me and therfore her at risk of losing the house if house prices drop and there is no equity to sell in the future (if interest rates also rise). She wouldn't very able to afford the remortgage by herself.

I feel completely used and abused and she has said she doesn't care how I feel about the child.

I can't even start over without knowing in a few years when the remortgage comes up and she can't afford it there is a risk I could lose everything financially

We've had some cross words and ive told her she is a disgrace and has destroyed my life and won't let me move on.

She has used and abused me.

Any advise of how I can get her to sell the house?

Her mother has been on at me for speaking to her harshly but not one mention of what she did to me as being wrong. I pointed that out to her as unacceptable

She didn't tell me anything about the scan when she came back until I asked the next day.

Bump

Can anyone offer any advice?

The house will be sorted in the divorce, obviously.

Have you booked a vasectomy? Started divorce proceedings?

@Carbara

The house will be sorted in the divorce, obviously.

Will it?

If she refuses to sell then how will it be sorted in the divorce?

Surely you e consulted a solicitor by now? Not even googled how divorces work? I don’t know if I can explain it better than a simple google search, dude.

@Carbara

Surely you e consulted a solicitor by now? Not even googled how divorces work? I don’t know if I can explain it better than a simple google search, dude.

Ok, thank you for your (rude) input

No need to chastise me, I wasn’t being rude. What has your solicitor told you? What do you know about divorces? The resident parent will usually end up in the marital home until offspring reach adulthood. Hth

Go speak to a solicitor. If she wants to keep the house she'll have to buy your share out.

File for a divorce and the finances will get sorted. She doesn't need to agree. She'll end up with what a judge decides is fair. As will you.

Good luck.

Trust me you can get pregnant with an IUD in. I've have a copper one for two years and sadly it moved without me knowing. Bang im pregnant. Bearing in mind it's supposed to one of the highest prevention methods for pregnancy.