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Original poster

How do you know if your FWB has feelings for you?

60 replies

pindrop · 25/05/2021 09:00

I'm confused about how he feels. I've already asked him and he says he doesn't want a relationship with me but he sends mixed signals.

Negatives are: he pines for and misses his ex and talks to me about her a lot saying he still loves her, he doesn't take me out on dates, he is not affectionate with me physically and pulls away if I try and hug, kiss or hold his hand, he says he doesn't want a relationship with me and if I push for one he says we should stop seeing each other.

Reasons for hope: he wants to spend a lot of time with me, not just sex but doing things together during the day, he's very kind to me and looks after me if I need it, if I walk away he will text to ask if I feel like doing something, he misses me when I am gone, he gets jealous if I start seeing someone else, he's happy for me to sleepover even if we are not having sex.

Does anyone think maybe he has feelings for me and just needs time, or is this a dead end?

OP posts:
SmurfetteBlue · 25/05/2021 09:05

Sounds like he doesn't want you, but doesn't want anyone else to have you either. Cut your losses and leave it there. You don't deserve the disrespect

Palavah · 25/05/2021 09:07

If a guy's still talking about his ex he's not that into you.

If a guy is telling you he doesn't want a relationship he's just not that into you.

niceupthedance · 25/05/2021 09:11

If they have feelings for you they will tell you. They won't say things like I don't want a relationship or not allow you to hug them.

Original poster
pindrop · 25/05/2021 09:11

I know that's usually the case, but he doesn't seem to want to let me go or for me to be with anyone else. Is this just wanting to keep me around or is there more to it?

OP posts:
SarahBellam · 25/05/2021 09:11

He has told you out loud to you face that he doesn’t want a relationship with you. You are a friend (so he likes hanging out with you) with benefits (he shags you). The minute he meets someone he wants to be in a relationship with you will be history. This is a tale as old as time. If you want a relationship then go and find a relationship with someone who wants to be in a relationship with you - because it’s not him.

myhobbyisouting · 25/05/2021 09:13

Stop clinging to the few times you've stayed around and not had sex. You're desperately reading into that for meaning where there is none.

He's told you he isn't interested, he's using you for sex. You've got the opportunity here to leave with your head held high and block him first.

Know your worth and leave this dirty user behind for good.

NewMatress · 25/05/2021 09:14

It sounds to me like he could actually be a decent friend, but doesn't want to be "with" you. Stop sleeping with him for the sake of your sanity. If you wanting more is making you unhappy have at least a decent break where you don't see him at all.

Ninkanink · 25/05/2021 09:20

You can’t be in a FWB situation if you want more than friendship with some no-strings sex.

If FWB isn’t working for you, you need to end the arrangement.

Don’t try to read more into it. It’s really not how men work - If he wanted to be your boyfriend/more emotionally involved, then he would be.

Sakurami · 25/05/2021 09:24

I would finish this. The man isn't just being a fwb in the sense that he just has sex and enjoys spending sometime with you, he is actively stopping you from moving on whilst not being interested in a relationship with you.

You are hanging around for the most meager of crumbs. Please do yourself a favour (which will be hard at the beginning) and stop seeing this man and move on.

saraclara · 25/05/2021 09:24

Sounds like he doesn't want you, but doesn't want anyone else to have you either.

That. You deserve better than this.

If he complains about you seeing someone else, then make it clear to him that you're not prepared to spend the rest of your life tied to someone who only wants you for sex and companionship.

Dozer · 25/05/2021 09:25

If you’re looking for a relationship, this man isn’t a good choice!

BinocularVision · 25/05/2021 09:28

This isn’t a FWB situation. You evidently have feelings for him, are hoping he has developed some for you, want him to take you on ‘dates’, hold your hand, kiss you, resent him talking about his ex, and are trying to push for a relationship he’s explicitly said he doesn’t want etc.

FWBs don’t ‘date’ or want a relationship by definition. This is like a checklist of how not to do FWB — they’re just friends you have sex with in a friendly way, with no strings attached, or romantic expectations, and in the knowledge it stops with no repercussions when either of you forms a relationship. They can work really well when everyone’s on the same page.

OP, in the nicest possible way, end this. It’s dead in the water as either a FWB set up or potential relationship.

Mylittlepony374 · 25/05/2021 09:29

He doesn't have feelings for you.
Watch that movie- He's just not that into you.
Sorry, but you're better off ditching him and finding someone who is.
Staying over and not having sex is NOT an indicator he has feelings. All it means is that you stayed over and didn't have sex.
He's clearly telling you he doesn't want a relationship. Listen.

Alternista · 25/05/2021 09:30

I’m sorry (and I really am!) but I think it’s you that’s changed rather than him- he seems pretty solidly FWB for me, whereas you’ve started wanting more. I think you need to be honest with yourself about whether you can deal with that or not x

premium77 · 25/05/2021 09:35

He’s using you for companionship because he’s lonely after his breakup

Original poster
pindrop · 25/05/2021 09:45

Thank you, I was confused because FWB would usually be a call to have sex, whereas in some ways he treats me as a girlfriend. For example I sleep at his place 4 / 5 nights a week and only 1 of those includes sex and we spend weekends together doing things like a couple. It seemed to me to not fully fit with FWB. Also he can't seem to stop seeing me, and if I try and do that (because I say I want more) he wants to see me and messages to ask if I want to do something. I thought maybe he feels more than he is admitting to himself.

OP posts:
Wiredforsound · 25/05/2021 09:53

If he wanted to be your boyfriend he would. He doesn’t. He very clearly doesn’t. He likes the convenience of having you around, but you are not his girlfriend and he doesn’t want you to be. Why don’t you just tell him you want to be in a relationship with him and see what he says? My guess is that you won’t because you already know the answer. Everyone on this post already knows the answer.

Missillusioned · 25/05/2021 10:03

I think you are his girlfriend. His girlfriend who he treats very badly. But then I don't really buy into the FWB thing.

You need to leave him.

Original poster
pindrop · 25/05/2021 10:07

Thanks, I think I am his girlfriend too, but he says we are not in a relationship when I ask. He says he doesn't want to be, but he seems to want to spend all his time with me as my boyfriend

OP posts:
LunaNorth · 25/05/2021 10:09

This man is not your friend.

MrsMaizel · 25/05/2021 10:11

@pindrop

Thanks, I think I am his girlfriend too, but he says we are not in a relationship when I ask. He says he doesn't want to be, but he seems to want to spend all his time with me as my boyfriend
Men like this want "the girlfriend experience " . He is doing these things to bond you to him. You are a source of easy sex and fun for him with no commitment . Believe me - I have been there .
Ninkanink · 25/05/2021 10:12

Listen to @MrsMaizel. That’s exactly what he’s doing.

Alternista · 25/05/2021 10:15

Hmm, ok. From your most recent post I think I change my mind a bit. I agree with the PPs re him wanting the “boyfriend experience”. It sounds like he’s not over the ex and is using you to fill a gap tbh. Again, sorry, I’m sure that’s horrid to hear :(

saraclara · 25/05/2021 10:17

You need to tell him that this isn't working for you. That this 'not a relationship' isn't enough for you, and if a relationship isn't for him, then he needs to respect your need to find someone who will love you and commit to you.

He is absolutely using you because he's lonely, and it is incredibly unfair on you.

Sideorderofchips · 25/05/2021 10:18

Have you posted about this before as it sounds familiar

Cut your losses. He doesn't want more