How do you know if your FWB has feelings for you?

[pindrop]

I'm confused about how he feels. I've already asked him and he says he doesn't want a relationship with me but he sends mixed signals.

Negatives are: he pines for and misses his ex and talks to me about her a lot saying he still loves her, he doesn't take me out on dates, he is not affectionate with me physically and pulls away if I try and hug, kiss or hold his hand, he says he doesn't want a relationship with me and if I push for one he says we should stop seeing each other.

Reasons for hope: he wants to spend a lot of time with me, not just sex but doing things together during the day, he's very kind to me and looks after me if I need it, if I walk away he will text to ask if I feel like doing something, he misses me when I am gone, he gets jealous if I start seeing someone else, he's happy for me to sleepover even if we are not having sex.

Does anyone think maybe he has feelings for me and just needs time, or is this a dead end?

He has explicitly stated he is in love with his ex. Why would you want to waste your time with someone who values you so little?

If his ex has him back or he meets someone he does value , you’ll be dropped like a hot coal and I bet he doesn’t even want to be friends at that point.
You should protect yourself from what will inevitably hurt you, whether soon or in many months to come.

I’m sorry OP but I think he’s in love with his ex still and is using you as a distraction whilst getting his ego stroked. You obviously have developed feelings from him, so for your own sake, walk away. Don’t kid yourself that his predictable chasing after you means he has feelings for you, it doesn’t, it just means he doesn’t want you to move on because this situation suits him.

Reading back your posts brings back awful memories of when I tolerated being in FWB situations when I actually wanted relationships. I was in my late teens/rarly twenties, had zero confidence, told myself I was not good enough to have girlfriend status. I watched my friends in serious relationships, meeting the guys parents, attending family get togethers.

I always hoped I would be 'upgraded' to girlfriend and each time I wasn't, I made myself believe there was something wrong with me, something I lacked that other women had. It destroyed me greatly and there is still some carnage left to this day.

I stupidly thought having crumbs was better than having nothing not realising the internal damage that was taking place.

You deserve better.

@cookiecreampie

He's using you for all the good things you can provide for him like sex and company, but he's not willing to commit to you. I think if he could have his ex back or met someone else he'd drop you like a rock.

You are being utterly used and made a complete fool of.

Have some self respect.

I mean this kindly but I can't imagine a decent man wanting a long term relationship with someone who would accept being treated so appallingly.

He occupies your time whilst telling you he doesn't want you.

Dear God woman, get some self respect.

You deserve so much better OP than this user.

Your situation reminds me of a 'relationship' I had in my 20s (long time ago). The term FWB wasn't around then but I can see that's what this guy was to me. He wasn't my idea of bf material. But I met him between bfs and he was keen. I'm ashamed to admit I used him badly as I knew how he felt about me (he wrote me a love letter once). I liked having someone to pay me attention on days / evenings when I had nothing better to do. I liked the sex we had but didn't really respect him as a person. I even took him to my parents for the weekend and knew he thought it meant more than it did to me.

Your FWB sounds like he treats you better than I did mine, but otherwise the situation sounds similar. After a while I met someone I liked at a party (never took the FWB to parties even though I knew he was lonely as he was from another country) and the FWB (rightly) ended it soon after as initially we tried to stay friends - that was probably me keeping my options open...

This fwb isn't working because you want more than friendship.

People are being critical of him because you want more than fwb but, actually, the relationship you describe is exactly what fwbs should be like!

I have two. I call them lovers because it sounds more exciting than fwbs 😆 but that's what they are.

I don't want anything more from either of them. I enjoy their friendship, they are good friends and the sex is good. But there are reasons why neither of them would be what I was looking for in a relationship.

I'd say your fwb feels similarly. And he's still in love with his ex so...

My rule of thumb is always take mixed messages as a no. If he was that into you he wouldn't leave you confused and posting in this forum about it. Sorry OP, this is the problem sometimes with FWB situations particularly if they are playing hot and cold with you and you've got more feelings for him than he's got for you. I'd get out now before you end up feeling even more hurt and confused. He's messing with your head

Wrong place wrong time.

You are helping him to get over his ex, that's up to you if you don't mind doing that but at the present time he maybe of the mind that if she were to click her fingers he may go running back.

I personally believe all women are better than that, let him pay for therapy and don't you have sex with someone who states they would never have a relationship with you.

You are worth more, anybody is.
Repect youself because nobody else will, until you do.

Respect.

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