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Original poster

DH let his brother to have party in our garden

93 replies

Turefu · 23/05/2021 17:56

We live in the house once my in laws lived. Family has a tradition of having summer BBQ , when in laws wedding anniversary happened. There's also Christmas party each year. My in laws died over the decade ago, but tradition stayed on. Each summer and each Christmas family gathers in our garden for a party. I accept it, but I want to go on party too, not to be host all the time. DH doesn't get it. He says I'm jealous and mean, as family brings food, so it's only the same premise and it's tradition. It was broken only once, when our son was born and I firmly said I'm not having party with one-month baby in the house, our boy was born in June. BBQ was hosted at his sister's. Now his brother asked him , without me knowing, he wants to host his wedding anniversairy party in our garden, as his own garden in tiny. DH said yes. I don't like it, BIL didn't ask me, just DH and he said yes. When I said I want to go out too, not only have parties hosted at my garden, DH got angry and said agian I'm jealous. It's not even I don't want him to have a party in my house. But it ALWAYS in my house, never at others, and DH has 5 sibilings. AIBU? I don't know, how to approach it.

OP posts:

Ginger1982 · 24/05/2021 18:28

I would be annoyed at DH not checking with me but I couldn't get worked up about 2 parties a year. You can drink as much as you want without needing to worry about getting a taxi and just slope off to bed if you get tired without having to tear your other half away.

PinkSatinMoon · 24/05/2021 19:50

@Ginger1982

with 30 folk in your garden..

hardly 🙄

kirinm · 24/05/2021 19:54

@Meowchickameowmeow

I want to go out too

They have a party twice a year, that leaves a hell of a lot of other days for you to go out. Do you literally never go out?

I'm guessing OP means that she's actually like to attend the party rather than host it.

Original poster

Turefu · 24/05/2021 22:05

Thank you for replies. I'll let it go, party can go ahead and I won't do anything.

OP posts:

Ginger1982 · 24/05/2021 22:11

"with 30 folk in your garden..

hardly 🙄"

If you drink enough, it's not a problem 😂

Pessismistic · 24/05/2021 22:15

I hope you don't back down and you enjoy yourself pretend your a guest and make that your new tradition dh family gathering dh sorts everything out every time then he might get what you mean and make his siblings take turns. Party hard op.

GreyhoundG1rl · 24/05/2021 22:29

with 30 folk in your garden..

hardly 🙄

Who are perfectly happy partying away. The don't actually need op as the spectre at the feast.

honeybuns007 · 24/05/2021 22:45

I don't think people understand what 'jealous' means. It gets thrown around in arguments but in nonsensical ways. Why would you be 'jealous' of people at your house?
Anyway, leave him to it. Do no prep. Do no clearing.

Standrewsschool · 25/05/2021 07:18

Maybe you should be a bit firmer with the sibling hosts, and insist they help to clear up afterwards, and help return the house to ‘as new’ condition.

Bluntness100 · 25/05/2021 07:26

I can’t get my head round you kicking off for twice a year and saying you want to go out too, you can go out the other three hundred and sixty three days.

I’m glad you’re not going to try to stop it, just don’t get involved ans ask them to clear up. Seems your husband does that anyway if you don’t and you don’t have to cater it etc anyway, so other than the fact it is there it’s little impact on you.

Sakurami · 25/05/2021 09:20

@Bluntness100 it isn't the not going out, it is the fact that they host every family get together. And now it seems they are being asked to host their families non strictly family get togethers too.

billy1966 · 25/05/2021 09:29

@Turefu

Thank you for replies. I'll let it go, party can go ahead and I won't do anything.

And leave the clean up to him too.

Bluntness100 · 25/05/2021 09:49

[quote Sakurami]@Bluntness100 it isn't the not going out, it is the fact that they host every family get together. And now it seems they are being asked to host their families non strictly family get togethers too.[/quote]
You say that like it’s a lot. It’s twice a year.

saraclara · 25/05/2021 09:50

They're clearly a close family and have their traditions. My late DH's family are the same, and I still host my extended in-laws at the times we'd have all got together when he was alive. So I can't get my head round your antipathy, to be honest.

Simply say that if this party is happening, that you need the party holders to be responsible for the preparation and clearing up.

GreyhoundG1rl · 25/05/2021 11:09

Yeah, twice a year. Not every weekend... can't wrap my head around why it's such an issue.

CaraherEIL · 25/05/2021 15:23

No the OP was indicating that it was a third event. So the summer BBQ, Christmas party, now the new arrangement for the BIL’s wedding anniversary.
I suppose it is setting a new precedent for new extra events. I think it could then open the flood gates abit if there are 5 siblings. I think the OP has been irritated but reasonably ok with the 2 annual events but is hesitant about anymore. Regardless I think your husband not mentioning it to you before agreeing it is a bit shit.

Bluntness100 · 25/05/2021 16:13

@CaraherEIL

No the OP was indicating that it was a third event. So the summer BBQ, Christmas party, now the new arrangement for the BIL’s wedding anniversary. I suppose it is setting a new precedent for new extra events. I think it could then open the flood gates abit if there are 5 siblings. I think the OP has been irritated but reasonably ok with the 2 annual events but is hesitant about anymore. Regardless I think your husband not mentioning it to you before agreeing it is a bit shit.

That’s a bit of a reach isn’t it. Right now it’s a third event. She doesn’t need to do anything, hardly world ending.

CaraherEIL · 25/05/2021 16:29

Bluntness- I agree totally that it is a reach right now but if it was my DH with 5 brothers and sisters all potentially with kids and our house started to seem as if it was going to become the venue of choice for family gatherings, bdays, anniversaries etc and my DH didn't even ask me before agreeing then I might ask the question.
His family is massive and from what the OP says it doesn’t sound like she hosts her family members at her house at all.
I host a couple of family parties every year but I also love being able to go to other family members for events too, it just feels like a more normal reciprocal thing to do. It seems like OPs DH’s family just want the best venue and if the OP loved the celebrations then that would be great but she doesn’t.
Also if my husband agreed an event at our house with 20plus people (that number is just allowing for siblings and partners) and didn’t even ask me then it would really irritate me. He should ask her, she isn’t the invisible woman. I wonder who has to clean the loo after they have all been!

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