DH let his brother to have party in our garden

[Turefu]

We live in the house once my in laws lived. Family has a tradition of having summer BBQ , when in laws wedding anniversary happened. There's also Christmas party each year. My in laws died over the decade ago, but tradition stayed on. Each summer and each Christmas family gathers in our garden for a party. I accept it, but I want to go on party too, not to be host all the time. DH doesn't get it. He says I'm jealous and mean, as family brings food, so it's only the same premise and it's tradition. It was broken only once, when our son was born and I firmly said I'm not having party with one-month baby in the house, our boy was born in June. BBQ was hosted at his sister's. Now his brother asked him , without me knowing, he wants to host his wedding anniversairy party in our garden, as his own garden in tiny. DH said yes. I don't like it, BIL didn't ask me, just DH and he said yes. When I said I want to go out too, not only have parties hosted at my garden, DH got angry and said agian I'm jealous. It's not even I don't want him to have a party in my house. But it ALWAYS in my house, never at others, and DH has 5 sibilings. AIBU? I don't know, how to approach it.

Wouldn’t bother me. I have hosted christening for friend of dd who lived in a flat and a wedding for friends. We have 5 loos and a no garden and they live in flats.

I get that if it's your home you have to play host to some extent- even if it's showing the caterers where to plug in/get a bin bag etc.

You need to head out the morning of the event and if they don't spring for cleaners afterwards, send the bill on to your BIL. Your husband doesn't seem to be getting involved in the set up/clear up of the events so if maybe you headed off for a spa morning, book a hair/makeup appt before the event and turn up like a guest, he may be less quick to agree in the future.

It also depends how large of a family gathering it is twice a year; 5 siblings+ partners/ kids+their partners/kids; maybe extended family; aunts uncles cousins you're looking at a pretty huge party so maybe this also contributes.

As a PP said; did you purchase the home or inherit. Did you live with PILs before they passed? Would probably make the situation a bit clearer

* It being the old family homestead puts a completely different slant on it, sorry. They even cater it themselves.*

^This. YABU, I really don’t see what the issue is.

I don't understand what the problem is. It's only twice a year (and a very occasional wedding party) and you're not organizing or catering.

I think it's a lovely tradition.

Go put then! I assume you have other friends and your own family. Go to their parties.

You sound like a whinger.

Who regularly has wedding anniversary parties? Is BIL party a special anniversary?

@ineedaholidaynow

Who regularly has wedding anniversary parties? Is BIL party a special anniversary?

It’s tradition to have a bbq in time , when it would be my late in laws anniversary, in the middle of summer . BIL has 35 years wedding anniversary this year.

Does your husband get angry at other times?

Who does your DH think you are jealous of?

What is he expecting you to do for these parties?

is he expecting you to host?

if so , then yes he is being very unreasonable, if not then you are. Its a lovely tradition and lots of us would kill for that family

he should have discussed it with you first though

I'd hate this. Fuck tradition. It's not their home anymore so they have no reason to expect parties in your garden. However your Dh is the biggest issue. If he is insistent that this carries on twice a year plus random anniversary parties, then make sure you take yourself off while he cleans the house, prepares for the parties and cleans up afterwards.

I think family gatherings a couple of times a year is not a big deal.
Especially if they are supplying most of the food.
You not going out is a different issue.
If you want to go out, then go.

Unless they plan to slaughter an animal in your garden for this tradition you are being a bit (lot) mean. Those people were dh's parents.... And your dc's decreased relatives...
Tell dh the planning is all down to him and sit with a full glass..

I think some people are missing the point that family are now asking to use the garden for additional parties not just the 2 traditional ones

I think it’s a nice tradition

The issue is the OP doesn't want every family gathering at her home because it obviously suits everyone in the family.

They have purchase the house and it is theirs.

Her husband is calling her mean and jealous and is insisting now that her BIL anniversary is held there.

@user1471457751 that is dictating in my book and in a healthy marriage that doesn't happen.

The OP doesn't want to be the sole host.

How convenient that the family have decided with her husband all gathering will be at theirs.

OP,
Absent yourself completely from all involvement in the preparations from now on.

Your husband sounds ver disrespectful.

BIL is a using prick... Your DH is prick..

It's not their family home, it's YOUR current home bought and paid for by you and your DH.

I wouldn't want all those people in my garden/home.. we've just cleared the biggest global challenge in recent years, with civid, no way I'd want all those randoms in my home.

YANBU 🌸

This doesn’t sound that bad, but I assume you don’t mean your dh turns up, sits on his bum with a drink while you do all the work? Bil should be providing all food and drink and props as necessary? And does your dh never take you out? Just lay out what you want from a night out - bar / pub / nice restaurant, scenic, popular, good food, and say it has to happen a month before the annual party or party is off next year.

Jealous? Jealous of what. Doing all the work before and clean up after. So you end up with all the mess every time someone wants a party?!
They all sound cheeky, I’d rather move than put up with that!

If he wants the party I’d let him host it, get cleaners in to clean it up. Or go out/feign illness and leave them to it. Or pour yourself a large vino and say cheers, I’m joining in this time! when they walk in. No way would I wait on them!

Everyone on this thread seems happy to have their homes used for party central and act as waitress and cleaner. Maybe you could use one of their homes .
Why don’t you all go to a restaurant instead! Support the local economy!

I think calling the BIl a 'using prick' is very extreme

He asked, your DH said yes. How is he being a using prick?

I think it sounds fun and you're being a party pooper.

I have a group of friends and every couple of months we would get together for a meal in one of our houses.

One brings a simple starter.
2 bring a main.
2 bring a desert.

ONE simple hosts.
We consider that a job in itself.

I like entertaining but I would be happy being told by anyone that MY home is where all family gatherings with be including significant anniversaries for my husband's siblings.

Very rude.

Away from MN this sort of thing doesn't happen.

How is it rude or 'using' for the BIL to politely ask his brother?
From OP's messages I think she's not a native English speaker and there may be cultural differences here.

OP does your DH think you're jealous because your own family are absent/far away?