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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DH looking at the gym

31 replies

Ally001 · 22/05/2021 20:54

I understand that we are all humans and we all tend to have a little look at other people sometimes but am I justified in being a bit pissed/ upset that DH is looking at other women at the gym while we’re there? I don’t mind the odd look, we all do it but if there is a good looking woman he will be constantly looking at her.. while I’m standing next to him. It’s starting to make me feel pretty shit, I’ve put on some covid weight and am not looking my best at the moment. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

seensome · 22/05/2021 20:57

It's really disrespectful, I would walk away LTB

Ciaobaby92 · 22/05/2021 21:00

Ewww that is creepy and weird of him OP. Not to mention disrespectful to you. Make an anonymous call to the gym complaining about his leering, so he gets a talking to.

BTW, good for you for making positive changes. I am shocked and sad by how much I put on during quarantine. Hope to get back to the gym soon too.

toiletbrushholder · 22/05/2021 21:24

Not it's not ok! He knows that too.

Original poster

Ally001 · 22/05/2021 21:25

@Ciaobaby92

Ewww that is creepy and weird of him OP. Not to mention disrespectful to you. Make an anonymous call to the gym complaining about his leering, so he gets a talking to.

BTW, good for you for making positive changes. I am shocked and sad by how much I put on during quarantine. Hope to get back to the gym soon too.

Sounds gross I know, it’s not really leering it’s more just subtle glances but constant. He thinks I don’t notice them but I do. Thanks ciao, I’m trying. Quarantine has been a bitch and this only makes me want to try harder to lose the weight.

OP posts:

CatPurple · 22/05/2021 21:32

Aside from the fact it’s disrespectful, I would absolutely hate to be the woman he stares at while all I’m trying to do is get on with my workout. If you notice, they notice. It’s gross and creepy.

Quarantine has been a bitch and this only makes me want to try harder to lose the weight.
The weight you should be losing is all of him.

FictionalCharacter · 22/05/2021 21:35

It’s awful behaviour, and if you’re noticing him doing this she’s probably noticing too and feeling uncomfortable. I wish men wouldn’t do this.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 22/05/2021 21:35

this only makes me want to try harder to lose the weight

It's making me quite sad that his checking other women out makes you feel this way You are beautiful the way you are and he should make making you feel like it!

Good for you trying to shift the weight though I would be tempted to shift 12 stone instantly by dumping the bastard

WatieKatie · 22/05/2021 21:37

I wouldn’t like it either OP.

I was in the gym this afternoon & an older guy was there with his partner, she was way out of his league, however he spent the entire time looking over at me. It just made me think what a slime ball!

Original poster

Ally001 · 22/05/2021 21:37

I would feel uncomfortable too but she seemed to keep looking over as well.

OP posts:

awkwardusername · 22/05/2021 21:38

Call him out! I’d maybe not start an argument as such but I’d definitely let him know you’ve noticed, it’s creepy and it’s making you feel like shit.

Hopefully that will get him to stop it!

MiddleParking · 22/05/2021 21:41

Blimey, I wouldn’t like it but I don’t think it’s an LTB issue yet! Talk to him about it OP (but for God’s sake don’t mention that you thought she was looking back at him).

CatPurple · 22/05/2021 21:41

You deserve better.

Original poster

Ally001 · 22/05/2021 21:56

@MiddleParking

Blimey, I wouldn’t like it but I don’t think it’s an LTB issue yet! Talk to him about it OP (but for God’s sake don’t mention that you thought she was looking back at him).

Oh not and LTB, more of a ‘I might go to the gym by myself from now on’. No I wouldn’t mention it, I’m sure it would only make him do it more. Even if I did, I’m sure he’d deny it. I could never prove it.

OP posts:

FictionalCharacter · 22/05/2021 22:00

She was probably looking back at him thinking “stop looking at me, you creep”.

Original poster

Ally001 · 22/05/2021 22:07

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

this only makes me want to try harder to lose the weight

It's making me quite sad that his checking other women out makes you feel this way You are beautiful the way you are and he should make making you feel like it!

Good for you trying to shift the weight though I would be tempted to shift 12 stone instantly by dumping the bastard

Thank you Jesus, this actually made me feel better

OP posts:

Fleetw00d · 22/05/2021 22:14

Throw a dumbbell at him next time, it's rude and disrespectful to you and the other women. Tbh I hate when men stare at women in gyms and have my lost my rag at someone doing it to me once (he was also just being very explicitly inappropriate and almost got him banned), women go there to train not be stared at by men and even worse that his partner is there. Definitely 'accidentally' drop/throw a weight at him next time

Honeybee2021 · 23/05/2021 09:11

It’s not called for but I am increasingly noticing some women going to gyms, not getting particularly sweaty, wearing skimpy gym outfits and taking pictures no doubt for insta... are they really there for serious training?

Gymsmile21 · 23/05/2021 09:16

Does he look at men too?
I look at men and women in the gym, but I started not to long ago so I’m looking at them for form and to see what exercises they are doing to help myself.

I don’t stare though and I make it not obvious I’m watching.

Is he doing that? If not you should tell him to stop being a prick!

iGetPipAndWork · 23/05/2021 11:32

Ugh he sounds creepy. Being ogled whilst working out probably isn't what the other woman wants either. Yuck.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 23/05/2021 11:46

I do tend to notice fit men and women at the gym, now I'm worried I might be creeping them out 😬

But more concerning than him leering is your update
No I wouldn’t mention it, I’m sure it would only make him do it more. Even if I did, I’m sure he’d deny it. I could never prove it

Are you seriously saying that if you said "You spend a lot of time while we're at the gym looking at other women and I feel disrespected" that he would then deliberately do it more? Why would he do something he knew you found hurtful? That's not how a healthy relationship should work.

partyatthepalace · 23/05/2021 11:51

Oh that IS annoying and distressing.

When you are feeling calm, I would tell him he is doing it - cos it is fucking rude, and he needs to be more aware of it.

Try and notice all kinds of people at the gym and everywhere - there are different ways to be attractive and being 20 or 30 with a perfect arse isn’t the only one,

Always good to get weight at a healthy level but can you find ways to appreciate yourself as you are for now? Banging gym kit for a start, a few new other things and whatever else??

Norabatty40 · 23/05/2021 11:52

@Gymsmile21

Does he look at men too? I look at men and women in the gym, but I started not to long ago so I’m looking at them for form and to see what exercises they are doing to help myself.

I don’t stare though and I make it not obvious I’m watching.

Is he doing that? If not you should tell him to stop being a prick!

Im sure he's not checking out what exercises she is doing

Isitreallyme77 · 23/05/2021 11:57

@Honeybee2021

The other day I saw a woman take her t-shirt off and sit on one of the machines to take a photo in her skimpy crop top. She didn't even do any exercises.

Closetbeanmuncher · 23/05/2021 12:24

I would just go on your own OP.

On a personal note I wouldn't be with someone who carried himself like that. I couldn't respect someone like that.

No I wouldn’t mention it, I’m sure it would only make him do it more

Yeah if that's the dynamic of your relationship I would just sack him off. That's extremely manipulative and passive aggressive.

Rebelwithverysharpclaws · 23/05/2021 13:57

Just say loudly every time "Stop the perving". Embarrass his sleazy arse. He is being massively disrespectful to you.

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