Wear a pretty dress [hmm]

[ilikedressesbut]

Chatting a bit to a guy on OLD. We were talking about meeting up in a couple of weeks when we are both free. I have told him I like wearing dresses when I go out. He said about out date, ' Wear a pretty dress' then that wink face emoji.

Must admit it made me feel a bit queasy. I don't like being told what to wear, though maybe he was being lighthearted.

After previous relationships, I find it really hard to know when something really is off or if I am over-reacting. He's also twice compared me to old girlfriends ( I look a bit like one and sound a bit like another apparently). Which I also don' t like.

Am I reasonable to start feeling a bit weird?

It's a non-issue by the way, unless you're someone who looks to find offence generally.

we're old
I'm 63...

Knickers. They are definitely knickers. Some man wants to 'get in my knickers' (nowadays, I suppose that would mean he wants to wear them), not my 'panties'. Urgh. Panties. Panty hose. Urgh!

@KeyboardMash

I'm not sure the comparison to exes is necessarily a worry. It's clumsy, but saying you look like one and sound like the other might be an attempt to say "you seem like just the sort of person I go for". And mentioning dresses when you talked about liking dresses doesn't seem off - "see you then, and wear that thing you like!" If you'd said you hated dresses and he told you to wear one it would be off-putting, but I think he might just be being cheery and pleasant. I honestly wouldn't worry based on those things.

Women get themselves into all sorts of shirty relationships by ignoring the shit that men say and trying to.put a more favourable spin on it.

Most adults have grapsed the concept of communication well enough to say what they mean.

Shitty. My autocorrect is straight out of The Good Place 😆

I also think that you are over thinking and looking for something that's not there.
Wear what you like and what makes you feel good. I like dresses and when I wear them it's for me not for anyone else.

It’s the sort of thing I’d find creepy if someone I didn’t fancy said it, but would give me fanny flutters if said by someone I did fancy.

Which is probably shallow, but hey ho.

If it's made you feel uneasy, just cancel the date. Or wear jeans.

I think the ex-girlfriend stuff would bother me more, to be honest.

Comparing you to old girlfriends and you haven't even met up yet is really off putting. If you go, don't wear a dress, turn up in jeans and see what he says.

The comparison to exes would really put me off. It's just crass to even mention them to you.

You already have the ick. What's the point in going?

Sounds a bit clumsy but not creepy IMO.
You said you hadn't been out for ages and were excited to meet your friend. Then mentioned you were going to dress up for it (literally).
I think he was trying to say he hoped meeting up with him would (hopefully) be as exciting so 'wear a dress'.
Clumsy banter I guess.

(Can't bear the word banter but it seems to be main quality people are looking for these days.
In my days we used to call it conversation.)

To the people saying you’re being over sensitive: maybe YOU would have an excellent relationship with this man because YOU don’t mind his turn of phrase.

But OP: you do mind it. You’re the one dating him.

And to the people eye rolling and being generally horrible about the OP and her preferences on how she’s treated: Wtf?? Each to their own! The OP aspires to something better than she’s had previously and is being cautious, as is her right.

I think it was a bad attempt at flirting g as you had said you like to wear dresses. However you are entitled to cut anything off at anytime without feeling guilty. He said something you didn’t like, that’s fine.

Interesting range of responses. I am glad I posted!

I think this is key
Women get themselves into all sorts of shirty relationships by ignoring the shit that men say and trying to.put a more favourable spin on it
Mumsnet relationships page is full of women ( I was one of them) who ignore signs, who explain away behaviour, who excuse behaviour. I would rather be alert than deliberately blind myself as I was before - I know where that leads. Its okay I think to say, this might mean something and it might not. I am going to store it away to see if this becomes part of a pattern. You can't spot patterns if you excuse away everything that makes you uncomfortable.

@Cowbells

Stupid man. I once had a man ask me again and again to wear the shortest skirt I had for our date, so I assured him I would and then turned up in a maxi skirt.

Why would you even meet such a man who's objectifying and misogynistic

You're going to get a range of responses OP because it depends on how we as individuals interpret what he said, since none of us have actually heard him say it. If you heard him say it in real life, instead of just reading words in a message, you'd know instantly whether he was being creepy or trying to crack a silly joke.

My first reaction to his words were that he was a creep, but that's because men I've encountered OLD who use the wink smile have nearly aways used it with a pervy undertone. However thinking about it again, I think it is possible it was meant as a joke. I would meet him and then you're better able to gauge what sort of man he actually is.

Yep. Totally 🤢

’He's also twice compared me to old girlfriends ( I look a bit like one and sound a bit like another apparently).’

I’d give the benefit of the doubt over the dress comment but this ^ would have me thinking twice about him.

@GreyhoundG1rl

You told him (somewhat unnecessarily!) that you like to wear dresses when going out. Ffs! 😂

This

You told him (somewhat unnecessarily!) that you like to wear dresses when going out. Ffs!

I am bemused by the idea that because a woman likes something it is acceptable for a man to instruct her to do it.

Ridiculous. Men do like women in dresses as inconvenient as that may be

And?!! Do you think women exist just to make the world prettier for men? Women often like men in uniform, but we don’t tend to instruct them to stop off at the local fancy dress shop ahead of our coffee shop first date?

@Baluchistan95

You said that you like to wear dresses. He said, wear a pretty dress. Stop playing silly games.

yup 🌸