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Original poster

Wear a pretty dress [hmm]

97 replies

ilikedressesbut · 21/05/2021 16:53

Chatting a bit to a guy on OLD. We were talking about meeting up in a couple of weeks when we are both free. I have told him I like wearing dresses when I go out. He said about out date, ' Wear a pretty dress' then that wink face emoji.

Must admit it made me feel a bit queasy. I don't like being told what to wear, though maybe he was being lighthearted.

After previous relationships, I find it really hard to know when something really is off or if I am over-reacting. He's also twice compared me to old girlfriends ( I look a bit like one and sound a bit like another apparently). Which I also don' t like.

Am I reasonable to start feeling a bit weird?

OP posts:
needagirlsnight · 21/05/2021 17:47

On its own it wouldn't worry me much as he may just be linking back to you mentioned you like wearing dresses when you go out. The ex thing I would consider a red flag, however I don't think you can get a true feeling about someone until you meet them. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt he will be trying to impress you and maybe nervous. See how you feel when you've met him

Justme10 · 21/05/2021 17:53

I think because you have missed going out and getting to put on a dress he was just saying even though it's only a coffee date why not put on a pretty dress but if he's making you feel uncomfortable for any reason at all then you don't have to go.

Saucy99 · 21/05/2021 17:59

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wobblywinelover · 21/05/2021 18:06

I agree with you OP I would be concerned about this too. 'Wear a pretty dress' is a little too demanding for a man who has never met you, even if you did say you like wearing dresses, it doesn't really matter about the context. You're only going for a coffee, and you're not going there to look pretty for him. If you choose to wear a dress that's up to you. Comparing you to his exes is also a red flag and totally unnecessary.

Ignore the posters who say 'You're overthinking'. This really annoys me. You're not 'overthinking' you're being sensible and cautious because you've been hurt before and these things are making you feel uncomfortable for a reason. Go with your gut. It's you who is going on the date, not any of us. Stay safe and good luck with what you decide but you are right to be on your guard

parsnipsnotsprouts · 21/05/2021 18:12

Ridiculous. Men do like women in dresses as inconvenient as that may be

Wearywithteens · 21/05/2021 18:15

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youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/05/2021 18:15

Why the fuck is he comparing you to ex girlfriends? More than once, too?! Ick.

wigjuice · 21/05/2021 18:15

Honestly it's probably just an innocent remark, but if you don't feel happy in anyway listen to your gut. You are allowed to feel how you want.

wigjuice · 21/05/2021 18:17

My brain seemed to fail then, comparing you to his exes is very undesirable.

whatisheupto · 21/05/2021 18:18

I'm usually pretty relaxed but a new date saying this to me would get my back up and put me off. I with you OP!

user1481840227 · 21/05/2021 18:21

You can feel whatever way you want, but it will be more weird for you to turn up on the date now that you have this queasy feeling about him and don't like things he has said!

whatisheupto · 21/05/2021 18:22

Ewww the moe I think about it the more I hate it. Condescending and patronising and objectifying.
Maybe it's the word pretty. If hed said cheerily "it's only a coffee but I won't think it's weird if you wear a dress seeing as we've been locked down so long!", that would be ok.

ilikedressesbut · 21/05/2021 18:34

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Original poster
ilikedressesbut · 21/05/2021 18:36

Maybe it's the word pretty. If hed said cheerily "it's only a coffee but I won't think it's weird if you wear a dress seeing as we've been locked down so long!", that would be ok

I must admit, I do think there is something about the word 'pretty' that makes it worst. Not sure what it is. Something about being decorative maybe.

OP posts:
HamAndCheeseToastie5032 · 21/05/2021 18:37

No I'm with you. 'Wear a pretty dress 😉' would have me donning a lumberjack shirt and tie dye dungarees. Well, it wouldn't, because I wouldn't actually meet.

DeadButDelicious · 21/05/2021 18:37

I wouldn't necessarily be bothered by the dress comment. But I would run a mile at the comparison to ex girlfriends. I don't think this one is a goer OP.

BigFatLiar · 21/05/2021 19:18

If its just a coffee during the day turning up in a nice dress may seem a bit OTT but as you've already told him that you enjoyed using your meeting friends as a chance to get dressed he's letting you know he won't think it weird if you're the only one there in a dress. Now you have the excuse make the most, dress up if it makes you smile and enjoy yourself.

(Not keen on the reference to ex's)

cakecakecheese · 21/05/2021 19:34

Some of these replies are harsh, the thing is as it was a message it's difficult to gauge the the tone, although the wink could lead you to have a certain tone in your head, especially given he's got your hackles up a little with the ex gf stuff, so what may seem harmless to some people may not to you.

Anyway if you're not feeling it then do cancel.

feelingsadtoday2021 · 21/05/2021 19:36

I think trust your gut instinct to be honest if it feels off to you don't bother

I would find it slightly odd I must admit

stillcrazyafterall · 21/05/2021 19:54

See previous thread entitled 'where have all the good men gone?' And the consensus that women are too fussy and dump them for the slightest thing...

PaleGreenAndBrightOrange · 21/05/2021 19:57

I’m with you OP. I wouldn’t like to be told what to wear. Just because you said you like wearing dresses doesn’t mean it’s ok to have an opinion on what you wear. I don’t find it creepy but I do find it patriarchal and overbearing.

PaleGreenAndBrightOrange · 21/05/2021 19:58

Especially given that it’s a coffee/day date. Actually that does make it creepy.

PaperMoonshine · 21/05/2021 19:59

The dress comment wouldn't bother me given the context that you'd already talked about wearing dresses when you go out.

The comparison to exes? I dumped someone for similar after the 3rd date. I'm me. I'm not generic woman for a man to find a place for.

Bluntness100 · 21/05/2021 20:02

Honestly you won’t like it, but I’d assume your comment on how you liked to wear dresses had him rolling his eyes. It would me. It’s hardly scintillating convo with anyone, never mind some random bloke. I’d assume he was being sarcastic and that is why you feel uncomfortable. He’s taking the piss.

BigFatLiar · 21/05/2021 21:17

@stillcrazyafterall

See previous thread entitled 'where have all the good men gone?' And the consensus that women are too fussy and dump them for the slightest thing...
OP did make the comment... After previous relationships, I find it really hard to know when something really is off or if I am over-reacting.

I think there are a lot of people who after problems are really looking for faults. If you look hard enough you'll find them even if they don't really exist. I've no idea who the bloke is or what he's like but already this relationship is doomed as every thing he says or does will be analysed for faults.

For all we know he's sitting thinking she's a vain 'clothes horse' following her comment about her dress. Or maybe he instead took it as a light hearted comment and tried to reply in kind.

Best not going.

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