Wear a pretty dress [hmm]

[ilikedressesbut]

Chatting a bit to a guy on OLD. We were talking about meeting up in a couple of weeks when we are both free. I have told him I like wearing dresses when I go out. He said about out date, ' Wear a pretty dress' then that wink face emoji.

Must admit it made me feel a bit queasy. I don't like being told what to wear, though maybe he was being lighthearted.

After previous relationships, I find it really hard to know when something really is off or if I am over-reacting. He's also twice compared me to old girlfriends ( I look a bit like one and sound a bit like another apparently). Which I also don' t like.

Am I reasonable to start feeling a bit weird?

I would be put off too OP. It's demanding in a kind of passive aggressive way with the emoji. Inappropriate and disrespectful to someone he has never met.

See, I’m completely with you OP. I think the comment is off, and a red flag. No mate, you don’t tell someone what to wear.

That coupled with the ex comparisons makes it a definite no.

I don’t think you’ve given us enough context about the conversation to be able to tell, tbh.

I will if you will.

I think you are focusing on the wrong thing, it's the comparison to ex's that's a red flag here, that is undeniable, whereas the dress suggestion could be innocuous.

@Opentooffers

I think you are focusing on the wrong thing, it's the comparison to ex's that's a red flag here, that is undeniable, whereas the dress suggestion could be innocuous.

This!

What context did he compare you to them in?! None is ok, just curious!

Are you sure that you're ready to date OP?

@ilikedressesbut

Chatting a bit to a guy on OLD. We were talking about meeting up in a couple of weeks when we are both free. I have told him I like wearing dresses when I go out. He said about out date, ' Wear a pretty dress' then that wink face emoji.

Must admit it made me feel a bit queasy. I don't like being told what to wear, though maybe he was being lighthearted.

After previous relationships, I find it really hard to know when something really is off or if I am over-reacting. He's also twice compared me to old girlfriends ( I look a bit like one and sound a bit like another apparently). Which I also don' t like.

Am I reasonable to start feeling a bit weird?

Comparing me to previous gf's would concern me more than the dress comment (after you've said you like wearing dresses). That would put me right off

It’s cheesy but you brought up dresses so he might just be an awkward conversationalist. Mentioning his exes is also odd. You could meet him and see if it’s just nerves I guess.

He was showing you he'd been listening. But comparing you with others - no.

I don't understand the issue with the dress comment. He was commenting on what you said..I think people are way too sensitive these days!

Oh no a wink emoji. He's flirting 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Baluchistan95

You said that you like to wear dresses. He said, wear a pretty dress. Stop playing silly games.

This

Your over thinking it... I think it’s just lighthearted

He hasn't done anything weird here - it was in response to your comment. That said, you still don't have to like him. If you're getting a bad feeling about him, then that's all you need to know.

You: I like wearing dresses.
Him: Wear a pretty dress on our date (a suggestion, not an order)
You: This man is weird for suggesting to me that I do something I like doing.

Trust your instinct OP even if I had mentioned in conversation that I like wearing dresses I'd hate to be told to "wear a pretty dress" and with the comparisons to his ex (wtf!) I'd be put right off meeting this one.

Good luck and don't let anyone make you think there's something up with you after you're past experience you are right to be wary.

@Glay

No I'm with you. 'Wear a pretty dress 😉' would have me donning a lumberjack shirt and tie dye dungarees. Well, it wouldn't, because I wouldn't actually meet.

Same 🤢 bet he says ‘panties’ too, double 🤢

I’m so glad I met DH when I did (90s) if anything ever happened between us I’d just try becoming a lesbian to be honest 🤭

bet he says ‘panties’ too
No man who says 'panties' deserves to get laid. Ever.

@DoingItMyself

bet he says ‘panties’ too No man who says 'panties' deserves to get laid. Ever.

My OH calls them panties (but then so do I at times - we're old) and as for the 'No man ever...' well he does if he behaves .

OP - Don't go if you don't want too but do tell him you're not going.

If you do go you may find he has other misogynistic tendencies!
Imagine if he said things like 'you look nice' or 'you have a nice smile' or 'I like your hair', OMG! [shocked]

What if you wore a dress and he said 'that's a nice dress'!!!!

Just jeep an eye on the situation. It's a bit too early to tell but I can see why you didn't like it.

I know you can't always compare in this way, but I do find it useful to turn the tables sometimes - how many women do you think would tell to a man to wear a handsome suit on a first date? Telling you to wear a pretty dress might be him saying 'Don't think about turning up in trousers or something ugly/plain'. The insinuation us that without him advising you, you would have turned up to the date wearing something shabby or inappropriate, which I'm sure you wouldn't so you hardly need him telling you to wear something pretty, you know?

Again, too early to tell at this point. When you have the date maybe that will alleviate concerns.

I'm not sure the comparison to exes is necessarily a worry. It's clumsy, but saying you look like one and sound like the other might be an attempt to say "you seem like just the sort of person I go for". And mentioning dresses when you talked about liking dresses doesn't seem off - "see you then, and wear that thing you like!" If you'd said you hated dresses and he told you to wear one it would be off-putting, but I think he might just be being cheery and pleasant. I honestly wouldn't worry based on those things.

Oh come on, you had already told him that you wear dresses on dates