Any men on here to advice me on this man?

[Sweetsundayz]

Please don't tell me to block and move on. I more just want to focus on what this behaviour means?

I was with someone in a close way for 6 months. We exchanged I love you. We were extremely open with eachother. This man was older than me by 13 years. He was early 40s. Was 3 years out of his last relationship. He has depression and issues from his past so he's very up and down and I think to an extent he is scared to commit.

Meeting me I think threw him as he got real feelings. But he was doing abit of sneaky window shopping online and i got abit sick of things when one of his divorced school friends that he's never seen started flirting with him online right Infront of me. We split up because he didn't want to talk about it.

I've been struggling the last few months. He blocked me on everything and realising the stuff we had said was gone hurt.

4 days ago he sent me a friend request on Facebook. I messaged him and asked why. He said he wanted to know how I was. I said I was ok and asked him the same. Then he just stopped messaging.

I left it 24 hours then asked him more about what he had been doing and asked him if had meant any of the things he said. He replied the next morning as he fell asleep. Dodged the meaningful questions and Just replied to the general chit chat.

All day he talked about himself and responded in a chatty way. But asked me absolutely nothing. He filled me in on his work plans and all that stuff. Sent me a funny voice clip that was circling.

Then I told him that I had been upset with how things were left. He replied and said aww sorry. Then he fell asleep. Text me yesterday and just apologised for falling asleep. Then put a thumbs up to my it's ok have a good day at work. He did confirm he didn't know why he wanted to get in touch but felt he wanted to see how I was.

I just don't understand. Why come back? Especially without saying I want to be just friends or whatever. It feels like he doesn't even know himself. But to unblock me and send a request must be for a reason?

The fact he isn't wanting to make conversation and not taking an interest in me is really confusing me!

There's alot more to this than I can write without making the post too long.

It feels to me like he's come back but he is dodging me at the same time. I just need some advice from men or women who have been treated the same.

He's testing the water to see if your angry with him, from his replies back to you it seems that he doesn't want to interact now he has his answer. So will slowly disappear.
Block him. Chalk it down to experience, knowing if he really meant he loved you or not now won't change anything. It will only cause you more hurt. He's not interested in you.

I know he is a broken depressed insecure scared man wrapped up in a gobby exterior

This is exactly what I was referring to in my post before.

These men aren't broken, insecure or scared. The only thing they're scared of is getting older and feeling that their ability to attract 20something women is diminishing.

Ummm I am a man and wouldn’t treat someone like this. If I reconnected with a past person I’d be pretty plain with my intentions, i.e if wanted friendship I’d just say so, and if it was more I’d articulate that too.

I’m in his age bracket too, and he sounds about as alpha as a wet blanket to be quite honest. Let me give you a tip about us men: pretty much ignore anything we say, but pay close attention to our actions. As soon as you get that cracked you’ll be astonished how much bullshit and drama will evaporate from your life!

@Badpicknic

No it's not it's my first post as the information happened in the last 24 hours. Can't afford therapy and not sure why I need it. It's not Abnormal to feel sad sometimes or meet a guy who messed you around. Im perfectly ok in that respect just responding like anyone else would to someone who wasn't who they first thought.

Everyone else.
Yes I can see that. Although he hasn't had any sex from me since February. He isn't after sex weirdly. I know why that usually is the case. But it doesn't seem to be a shag thing.

I know what you mean about the cat and mouse.

I think it's very ego based but he's never actually happy if that makes sense. Hes got to this age with not much left around him. I noticed he isn't on good terms with a majority of his family either.

@Aquamarine1029

People like this come back because they get off on seeing that you're still interested, that they still have you wrapped around their little finger. It's about control, his ego, and nothing more. Stop feeding the beast. Block him.

Yep, perfectly said.

He messaged other women because he likes the attention. Now he wants to make sure you still want to be on his back burner.

He's a bad un

I used to try to analyse why a man was behaving badly or weird, then I realised it doesn't matter why. A good reason to be acting like a dick is no better than no reason to be acting like be a dick, either way don't put up with shitty behaviour.

OP, why didn't you want people to tell you to block him?

@secretrugbyfan

Thanks for your reply. I have a best friend who knows what he's been like with me. I dont know how he got me I really dont. Well it was his charm! But I thought because he was older he would treat me better. I'm 31 and he's 44 next month.

It does feel like a test. The way we ended things was not nice. I shouted at him to get some help after quite a stressful phone call which id struggle to explain.

This is what I know deep down. He has messed his life up and I have alot more positive years hopefully ahead. He has screwed with my mind. But I was massively back to myself by the time he reached out Monday.

I guess I'm just sort of confused because so far I've seen no reason to have come back like this. He is going away for work. He doesn't want a relationship apparently.

He makes me laugh because he always blames it on the town we live in. But he would have the same attitude towards relationships in all towns.

I will take your advice thank you.

The thing that stood out for me in your post was: 'Meeting me I think threw him as he got real feelings'.
One of my best friends was a relationship with one of the biggest dicks it's ever been my misfortune to meet. And when he left her high and dry, as we all knew he would, her messages were full of all that nonsense: 'I know you're scared of how you feel about me'; 'You're running away from the best thing you've ever had because you've been burned before and can't commit' 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Except it was bollocks. These men don't cut and run because they're blindsided by their feelings, ffs. They do it because they're arseholes and want the next new shiny thing.
Any turd who sends you hilarious voice clips, 'thumbs up' emojis and the gem 'Awww sorry' isn't battling with his feelings. He's stuck at 13 years old and not worth the steam off your piss. Wise up.

@PaperMoonshine
Because aload of posts saying block him and move on isn't what I am looking for. That's obvious. I wanted some male perspective on it that's all. I get the obvious in this situation about not wasting my time etc.

@Badpicknic

No it's not mine. The last 24 hours has been my issue!

Not a man - but good advice I heard from a man

• ignore everything a man says or promises and focus on how he acts and how he treats you.

Lick your wounds OP - it’s fine to feel sad for a little bit - but then head up and onwards to a better life, you’ve dodged a bullet on this one

No point trying to understand people like this. Youre not the dickhead whisperer

This sounds suspiciously like Miamichill in disguise?

He's come back to see if you are still into him even though he's obviously not into you. Like previous posters have said to get a kick out of it, ego boost, shitty man thing to do.

Next time he messages you (cos he will) respond with fine, thanks and that's it.

Don't be a sucker for him anymore.

@Badpicknic there's several threads along these lines under different names. All very very similar

@LobotomisedIceSkatingFan

The thing that stood out for me in your post was: 'Meeting me I think threw him as he got real feelings'. One of my best friends was a relationship with one of the biggest dicks it's ever been my misfortune to meet. And when he left her high and dry, as we all knew he would, her messages were full of all that nonsense: 'I know you're scared of how you feel about me'; 'You're running away from the best thing you've ever had because you've been burned before and can't commit' 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Except it was bollocks. These men don't cut and run because they're blindsided by their feelings, ffs. They do it because they're arseholes and want the next new shiny thing. Any turd who sends you hilarious voice clips, 'thumbs up' emojis and the gem 'Awww sorry' isn't battling with his feelings. He's stuck at 13 years old and not worth the steam off your piss. Wise up.

OP read this post and then read it again. Staple it to your wall if you need to. It’s exactly right and all the trying to analyse why he’s being the way he is and what he’s feeling just hooks you right back in.

Honestly it does hurt to accept that someone you cared about and had genuine feelings for and tried to connect with honestly really did just like having you around for entertainment purposes. But the truth and accepting it is the only thing that will get you out for his emotionally.

And honestly after a while you’ll look back and laugh at him (and hopefully a little smile at yourself) if you can get your own ego out of the way and accept who he is. By which i mean yes his ego enabled him to use you to boost his self-image, but your ego refuses to accept your genuine feelings were not reciprocated because that’s painful. Hence all the desperate scrabbling around to either try and figure out his deep trauma which is interfering with his real feelings for you - or making him out to have some sort of deep psychological issue (often the next step is to diagnose him as a ‘narc’).

When the rather less glamorous truth is he doesn’t want what you want and is not motivated by the things you are.

We all love to kid ourselves that bad men really care ‘deep down’, or that men who don’t really emotionally connect to others are cruel or damaged. But some people are perfectly happy to go about their lives paddling in the shallows thank you very much. They don’t want to change, they don’t feel it all deeper down, they like paddling. Simple as that.

He has depression and issues from his past so he's very up and down and I think to an extent he is scared to commit

If he hasn't got his shit together by his 40's, then he never will.

But he was doing abit of sneaky window shopping online

So, he wasn't as focused on you as you thought.

He blocked me on everything

You only do that is you really don't ever want contact again.

4 days ago he sent me a friend request on Facebook. I messaged him and asked why. He said he wanted to know how I was. I said I was ok and asked him the same. Then he just stopped messaging

He was bored or pissed, or both.

I left it 24 hours then asked him more about what he had been doing and asked him if had meant any of the things he said. He replied the next morning as he fell asleep

Or rather another woman responded to the net he threw out that night (messages to several women), and he started exchanging with her, and dropped you. No way did he "fall asleep".

All day he talked about himself and responded in a chatty way. But asked me absolutely nothing

You're his sounding board. He didn't ask anything about you, because he doesn't give two craps what you've been up to.

I just don't understand. Why come back?

Bored or pissed - I've had loads of blokes do this. It was for a bit of titillation.

The fact he isn't wanting to make conversation and not taking an interest in me is really confusing me!

Just block this twat - why are you giving him any brain space?

It feels to me like he's come back but he is dodging me at the same time

Because the night he was bored is over.

I know he is a broken depressed insecure scared man wrapped up in a gobby exterior

If that was on a dating profile, would you be eager to meet? He sounds hideous. Stop trying to understand someone who quite frankly is beyond understanding. He's fucked up.

Alpha side? You mean his arrogant I'm the most important side.

@Branleuse

No point trying to understand people like this. Youre not the dickhead whisperer

The dickhead whisperer 😂

I would assume he has done this out of boredom.

It isn’t necessarily some twisted evil plan to manipulate you. He’s probably just fed up. K might message an ex out of boredom to see what they are doing (Tho I am not a man). I wouldn’t have evil intentions, but no would it mean I wanted them back. And I’d probably expect them to ignore me if they didn’t want to chat as friends. Which wouldn’t bother me much either way.

I wouldn’t entertain it if I were you. Fine if you were over him emotionally, and also bored - then you could exchange a bit of chit chat without worrying about it. But in this case it’s clearly doing your head in. You don’t need the stress.

I. Dunno who K is! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Boredom/ ego boost /keeping his options open. I wouldn't reply tbh