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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What does this mean

86 replies

lostsoul1989 · 19/05/2021 09:32

Had an argument on sat night, well I say argument I can't remember arguing. Had a drink.
I went to bed. Now the boyfriend is funny with me, In fact being pretty off.
Apologised. Texting but edgy, him not me!
Just text and asked if he wanted me to stay Saturday.
His reply "just a bit busy with work, I will text you when I can?"
Now I asked him prior if he wanted to see me again and he said yes.
Is this the brush off?
I haven't actually ate since Saturday

OP posts:
lostsoul1989 · 19/05/2021 12:13

Thank you! Will do!

OP posts:
lostsoul1989 · 19/05/2021 12:26

I feel ok just a little bit sad, which I am an emotional eater.

I will be fine tho, worse has happened.

Just booked some nice things with friends.

OP posts:
lostsoul1989 · 19/05/2021 14:16

@BookiesBicycle

Please eat something, and if you don’t fancy solids, try a milkshake or soup or smoothie, anything. You’ll feel dreadful both physically and mentally if you starve yourself. No man and no situation is worth this.

How do you usually deal with upsets?

I really don't know as I haven't experienced this before, like I say, I am an emotional eater anytime really x
OP posts:
lostsoul1989 · 19/05/2021 16:30

Has anyone got any good dating apps? 🤣😂🤣

OP posts:
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 19/05/2021 16:40

@lostsoul1989

Has anyone got any good dating apps? 🤣😂🤣
Did you decide to end it? I would tbh. He isn't behaving in a very mature way.

But have you actually asked him what's wrong if not? I couldn't be arsed with him being off and short with me so I would just say "something is clearly wrong, I need you to tell me if I did something to upset you or if you're just done with it. This is very upsetting." Of course there's the risk of it ending right there but I wouldn't be bothered at this point.

Agree with PP. You need to eat, even if it's just a milkshake or a chocolate cake. Just anything.

lostsoul1989 · 19/05/2021 16:44

No haven't done anything. Just left it. Would rather move on

OP posts:
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 19/05/2021 16:50

@lostsoul1989

No haven't done anything. Just left it. Would rather move on
Sadly I don't have any recommendations, the apps came out after I met my husband but a friend seems fairly keen on plenty of fish!

I think you're doing the right thing anyway. He isn't worth your time given how he's behaving.

But for crying out loud woman, you have to eat something.

lostsoul1989 · 19/05/2021 16:53

Hahahaha thank you! I will be alright in a couple of days. To be honest I've had the Covid jab and feel shitty too.
Bad heads and aches.

OP posts:
jannyapple · 19/05/2021 17:08

Maybe whilst drunk you said something quite nasty/ cruel/ upsetting/ hurtful / concerning / out of character
Now he's processing .

lostsoul1989 · 19/05/2021 17:17

No I have asked all this, he said no he was fine, asked quite a bit.
I'm not a larey drunk or anything, and to be fair I hardly do.
If he told me I did, I have apologised and discussed it.
As I was writing this I got a text to say he would see me Sunday If that was ok?
Now If that's mind games I don't know what is.

OP posts:
BookiesBicycle · 19/05/2021 18:15

If you can’t actually remember, then it was a blackout, you wouldn’t know how larey you were or were not. It must have been a vast quantity of alcohol, that by itself could make someone think twice.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 19/05/2021 18:20

What are you thinking? If you go see him, I would be a bit wary. See if you can figure out what on earth happened to upset him.

I would be bloody miserable being with a man who went on days long sulks without even telling me what he's sulking about. Not least of all because its incredibly off-putting.

lostsoul1989 · 19/05/2021 18:23

@BookiesBicycle

If you can’t actually remember, then it was a blackout, you wouldn’t know how larey you were or were not. It must have been a vast quantity of alcohol, that by itself could make someone think twice.
I remember going to bed and going to sleep. That's how I can't get my head round it.
OP posts:
lostsoul1989 · 19/05/2021 18:24

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

What are you thinking? If you go see him, I would be a bit wary. See if you can figure out what on earth happened to upset him.

I would be bloody miserable being with a man who went on days long sulks without even telling me what he's sulking about. Not least of all because its incredibly off-putting.

I won't be going. But that's what he messaged
OP posts:
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 19/05/2021 18:30

Good! Get on the apps 😉

lostsoul1989 · 19/05/2021 18:33

Yeah it's a bit mean.

He's did this once before without any drink, thought it was a one off.

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 19/05/2021 18:34

This all sounds over dramatic.

Not eating? Wanting to go on dating apps?

TBH if I had an argument with someone who was that drunk and they said something nasty, and then tried to claim they didn’t have any idea what they’d said I would be dubious and probably off with them as well.

You were drunk, so drunk that you don’t know what you argued about. I suspect that whatever you said was a lot nastier than you think, and he doesn’t want to tell you because he thinks you ought to remember given how nasty it was.

but you don’t know that because you’re too busy feeling sorry for yourself and not eating (what does that actually achieve?)

Go round on Sunday and FGS communicate, in person.

lostsoul1989 · 19/05/2021 18:40

He said I was fine. Like I say I went to bed and went to sleep. We don't argue.

He has been off, yes I haven't ate as when I worry I either over eat or don't, and that is with anything I feel stressed about. Not dramatic but that is how I cope. Plus i am a bit iffy with this Covid jab.

He goes out, goes missing and I don't say anything at all about that.

Maybe I am just a bit of a mug.

The dating apps was an actual joke. Just trying to bring some humour.

OP posts:
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 19/05/2021 18:41

@AlternativePerspective

OP says he's done this before and there wasn't any drink involved then. Would you be in a relationship where your partner shuts down and won't tell you what's wrong? I certainly wouldn't.

lostsoul1989 · 19/05/2021 18:43

.... and that was the first drink in a year! Won't be doing that again in a hurry 🤣😂

OP posts:
IEat · 19/05/2021 18:50

Can’t you ring him and ask him what happened.. that you don’t remember and it’s bothering you not knowing?

lostsoul1989 · 19/05/2021 18:57

Yeah have done! Said nothing.

OP posts:
category12 · 19/05/2021 19:05

He goes out, goes missing and I don't say anything at all about that.

It doesn't sound like you have a great relationship anyway. I'd call it a bullet dodged and move on, if I were you.

If you think you were just a bit drunk and went to bed, then he's actually making something up to be huffy with you. Probably so he can get up to something and feel justified doing it.

lostsoul1989 · 19/05/2021 19:09

It's really good when we are together it's when he gets with his mates it's a bit funny.

Doesn't go home. I would never move in with him, I have always said that.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 19/05/2021 19:13

This is really unhealthy op

Are you saying you were so drunk you don’t recal what happened, what was said, and now you’ve not eaten for nearly five days?

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